(Closed) please Help! don’t know how to react

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I dont know if I can offer much advise but Im sorry for your situation.  Are you sure the email was from after he told you he was boarding and not from earlier in the day?  Id definitely talk to him about it.  Its up to you if you want to let him know what you did or not, but I would discuss your feelings with him and find out why he has never asked you to spend the night.  I know hes in the process of moving but maybe try to hang out more after he moves.  Does he spend the night at your place ever?  You should talk to him about it, its not fair to either of you to be talking about getting married if you dont trust him or something is going on.  Good luck!!!

Post # 4
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I know this isn’t want you want to hear, BUT this sounds very suspicious!  Are you sure that he always at WORK?  If he has no reason to lie to you, claiming to be at an airport when you have proof that he isn’t is NOT ok.

As adults, I find it really odd that you’ve never hung out at his place.  I could understand not sleeping over, but never even hanging out for a few hours?

While he may not be seeing someone else, he is obviously lying to you and doesn’t sound as committed to you as you are to him.

Get to the bottom of this ASAP!

By The Way – Way to go on your Ph.D. in Social Policy – that’s what I want to pursue next! 🙂 

Post # 5
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I was waiting for more people to respond before I decided what to wrote, but I’m a woman who definitely follows her gut and instincts – that’s why we have them, right? I think it definitely sounds fishy, especially since you’ve never been to his place after an entire year – but as far as the email goes, you need ot ask him about that. Is it possible that the time difference was off or something?

Please talk to him before making your mind up about what to do – communication is what I consider to be the most important aspect in a relationship.

Post # 6
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well I have to say that while it’s bad to snoop you found something. It all sounds really fish. And I’d be hella concerned. In one year if you’re that serious about each other you definitely should have stayed over it just sounds off to me but have you asked ro stay over? What’s he say? If you don’t trust each other you have no business talking the M word. Work out the details first. I’d ‘come by’ his office to leave him something only to ‘discover’ he’s there. U sure his boss wasn’t on the trip too?

Post # 8
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Gosh, its too suspicious to me! Have you met his mother or does he tell you that she comes all the time? It kind of sounds like he might already have said his I dos. Sorry my mind goes to the worst possible scenario.

Post # 9
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Awww I know how you feel.  Sometimes your heart takes over and your brain turns into mush!  I think you have the right to be suspicious!  After dating for a year, you should at least spend some nights at his place or yours!  It just doesn’t sound right… something is fishy.  Sounds like you guys are still in the “just dating” category, and not the “committed to each other” category.  Have you talked about your relationship in terms of committment and monogamy? 

Post # 11
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would break into his apartment… haha j/k , kinda, no really kidding. My first inclination is he is living with someone else… who that may be I do not know. ALWAYS trust your instincts. They’re there for a reason and as much as it may hurt to find out something bad now… it would be so much worse to find out later when things are more serious.

Post # 12
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You gut is probably right. That sounds too weird and you should call him on it.

Post # 13
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wow, excuses aren’t cool. I’d have serious doubts too.

I think the bottom line is, if you feel comfortable, talk to him about it. Otherwise, your gut is telling you the right thing! Sorry to be a downer but after reading your posts, I didn’t feel any better about it. I would ask one question though: were all the other timestamps on the emails correct–like did they ever say odd hours? The time might be messed up.

Good luck and best wishes!

Post # 14
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

Even if the time stamps are wrong (and this happens all the time on emails when I travel), you still have a man who (a) won’t let you see where he lives and (b) gives you enough doubt to make you, in your own words, “crazy.” It isn’t love that’s driving you crazy, it’s his behavior. I speak from experience.

True love is peaceful, patient, inclusive; easy & simple. When a man gives you all the security you need, there is no need to do anything obsessive or have any of these types of worries.

When I met someone who truly knew what it was to share a life with someone (my FH), the difference was enormous and I still marvel at it. Your instincts are right. Don’t listen to what he says about commitment. Actions are louder than words.

Post # 16
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

His “mother” comes over and stays for weeks. Um, no. I’m really sorry, but this guy is not being honest with you and you deserve honesty. A friend of mine dated a man for four years and didn’t know he was married and had an additional girlfriend (she was the second other woman!) because he always had an excuse for why she couldn’t come over and see his place. She now insists on seeing a boyfriend’s apartment after the first date. Four years and she even moved to a different country for him – obviously he was very good at juggling three relationships and keeping his lies consistent.

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