- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
I just really need some advice on how to get over some feelings towards my Future Sister-In-Law (my husband’s brother’s fiancée). I got married last June, and the wedding was beautiful. Everything went so well, except for one thing, the wedding party. It was uneven because my Future Sister-In-Law dropped out without saying a word about it to me. My BIL and my Future Sister-In-Law moved to our town, and needed to find a place to stay. Fortunately for them, my husband and I were in the same boat. We thought it would be great to all get an apartment together. I figured this would be a great way to get to know my BIL and Future Sister-In-Law better. One thing to point out, my BIL and husband are identical twins, so they are super close. I also asked my Future Sister-In-Law to become a bridesmaid because she can be shy and introverted, and I wanted her to feel included and get to know her better. She said yes.
After we started living together, and we really started to plan the wedding, she stopped talking all together, especially about the wedding. She seemed annoyed everytime I brought it up. She never asked me about it, and didn’t really seem that interested when it was time to get dresses. I ended up going to get dresses without her, so she ended up not becoming a bridesmaid. She never said she didn’t want to be one anymore, but her actions spoke for her. My BIL asked her, and she said she was uncomfortable. All along I was trying to get to know her, be friendly and nice, and just try and include her in my wedding. She just didn’t have any of it because she hated the town we lived in, and didn’t seem to want anything to do with my wedding for whatever reason. So she never became a bridesmaid. We stopped talking all together after it was established that she wasn’t going to be one.
They moved away, and came back to my town for our wedding. At the wedding, she didn’t say one word to me, no congratulations, no nothing. She didn’t even get us a present. My BIL bought my husband a new jacket, and that was considered a present from the two of them. To me, that’s not a wedding present.
I haven’t seen my BIL and Future Sister-In-Law for a year now, and they recently became engaged as you can tell. Their wedding is bringing up all sorts of feelings from last year. I am still so angry about the way she acted about my wedding, and at my wedding. I can’t seem to get over it. My husband really wants all four of us to be friends and get along, but I just have so much resentment towards her. I have tried to make an effort again by emailing her, but I feel like I am being fake because I secretly still resent her. She has been trying harder. I even tried talking to her about my feelings last year, she didn’t want to talk about it at all. She avoided the topic all together. It is so frustrating that I cannot talk to her because she won’t let me. I want to be her friend (in some sick way), but I’m not going to be able to be her friend until she lets me get my feelings off my chest about last year. The weird thing is I have been told that she wants to be my friend and work things out too.
How would you guys react to this? Would you feel the same way? How would you deal with those feelings? I really want to get over it, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to until she apologizes for her behavior last year. I don’t even think she understands how badly she hurt me.
If someone could please help, I would really appreciate it. This is driving me crazy. Don’t ask why I care so much. Perhaps I just want an ideal family? Who knows.