(Closed) Please Help! Emotional Problems With SIL

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I still be upset with my FSIL?
    Yes, she is not worth your time. : (7 votes)
    26 %
    Yes, at least until she apologizes. : (7 votes)
    26 %
    No, get over it. It was last year. : (13 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee

    There may be a million reasons why she behaved that way, valid or not. But the wedding is over and it can’t be changed. There is really nothing to work out- either you will choose to forgive her and move on or not.  I don’t think talking about it at this point will do anything other than stir things up.  Be the bigger person.

    Post # 4
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly, I would try to let it go. I have (in the past) had trouble with holding grudges and hurt feelings inside and secretly resenting people. One day I realized all I was doing was hurting myself! 

    Maybe write out a huge letter about how you feel about the whole situation–I’m saying hand write it, not type–and let it sit for a week. Read it again, and see if bringing this issue back to the surface would help or hurt the relationship. If it would damage it, I would let it go and start from scratch with your Future Sister-In-Law.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    to be honest it sounds like she was jealous you were engaged, and took it out on you. (from what you said it sounds like yall were wedding planning before they were enaged?) thats my best guess to explain the behavior.

    but honestly i wouldnt make any EXTRA effort. if she wants to talk to you she will. i woul djust be courteous when she talks to you and not rude. that way if she really wants to “be friends and make up” she can.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I too would be incredibly upest with her-I mean you tried to be nice to her and include her and she didn’t even speak to you on your wedding day! 

    I agree that she might have been jealous-but that is still no excuse for her to act that way.  You wrote you will not be ok until you get it off your chest-and you did not mention trying to speak with her recently.  I think you could give it one more try-approach it how you told us, that you really want to be friends and you are happy she is joining the family but you were really hurt by her behavior last year.  I am not a fan of putting things in writing-I think an adult conversation is definitely the way to go if you truly feel you cannot just let it go. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5890 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i think the jacket thing is a bit strange….do you think your BIL might have some issues with you too?  I can’t imagine giving a wedding gift to one person instead of the couple…

    Post # 8
    Member
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    She might feel embarassed about how she acted and bringing it up only makes her put up more walls. I’m like that…when I do something stupid, for whatever reason, and somebody wants to talk about it, even if they are trying to be helpful, I shut down and get really distant/defensive.

    I’d say just stop trying to talk about it. The past is the past and I think you should give her another chance with a fresh start.

    Post # 10
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would get over it.  She did’nt ruin your wedding and she has not ruined your marriage.  So she is no big deal.  You did the right thing and you should feel good about that.  Just roll with what ever she choses to do and don’t let anything bother you about it.  She obviously is a different person and has what ever her reasons are.

    Post # 11
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would get over it.  She did’nt ruin your wedding and she has not ruined your marriage.  So she is no big deal.  You did the right thing and you should feel good about that.  Just roll with what ever she choses to do and don’t let anything bother you about it.  She obviously is a different person and has what ever her reasons are.

    Post # 12
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I voted for “No” but I think “get over it, it’s last year” is a bit harsh, because she really treated you badly!

    I wouldn’t try to befriend her though. Be polite, friendly, and never rely on her for anything. Don’t speak badly about her or your BIL, and you will be happier and so will your husband.

    Post # 13
    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I have a twin sister and we have a difficult relationship for partners to understand. Not saying you don”t understand but the jacket thing – possibly a twin thing. My sis might just get me a present for our wedding that excludes Fiance. He would accept that as he tries to understand our realtionship. It is rude but you can be exclusive when you are twin and not be aware of your actions and how rude that might seem.

    I would forgive and forget (because that is easy for me to say as I am not involved). Treat it like a challenge to yourself to be the bigger person. Dont do it for her. Do it for you first and your Hubby second.

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