- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
As you all may have seen in my previous posts, my boyfriend (who I call my Fiance bc we are only not engaged bc of “cash flow”, or so he says) and I have already started to plan our wedding for June 2017. I really thought he was the love of my life, but this past weekend I had some time to visit my parents on my own and get some space from the situation–and it did not look pretty from afar.
We did long distance for a very long time (1.5 yrs), been together for 2.5 and have been through so much together and talk through everything. I have been wanting to be engaged since the summer of 2015, but he said that he couldn’t afford a ring as he was trying to move up to NYC with me (very expensive, so I understand). I was hesitant to live together before marriage, but I agreed because the long distance was so difficult and he was not communicating with me to the point where long distance would have been impossible at a certain point. Once he moved in things got much better, both emotionally and fincancially, but still there was no talk of a wedding. After many many arguments and long discussions in June 2016, he finally agreed to get married in June 2017. He also agreed to use my Grandma’s engagament ring to propose with (and maybe upgrade later), and we got the ring from her in July of this summer.
He wanted to at least upgrade the ring to make it his. He was supposed to make an appointment to upgrade the ring this month. Well, as you can see it’s the end of September and still no appointment. He then said that he could propose to me with just the ring as is for now and upgrade later, and I agreed–I just want to be engaged and I don’t care if it’s a CZ or diamond or what (he really wants it to be a diamond). He then kept hinting that he will propose this coming weekend.
So even after this long, embarassing and demeaning journey of being made to feel horrible for wanting input into my ring/wanting to be engaged/wanting to plant the wedding (he was especially mad because it wasn’t on HIS timeline), I felt like it would finally be over this weekend. Well, we have a food tasting at our venue on Saturday night, and then my school was hosting an annual BBQ on Friday. I told him we didn’t have to go, but he insisted that we did….I then broke down at my parent’s house because when he texted me that this weekend because I don’t think he have time to propose this weekend then!!?!?!?!? But I didn’t let him see my feelings yet….the thing is he has enough money for a ring now and top of that has my Grandma’s FREE RING (he makes a very decent amount of $).
He then informed me last night that one of his friends is visiting the next weekend, so it wouldn’t be that weekend either. On top of all this, whenever I buy myself a coat (I am very cold natured and live IN NYC so i NEEDED a new coat and bought 2 this weekend), or even a less practical pretty dress, he shames me for it and tells me that we don’t need to spend money on “stuff.” Meanwhile he buys Kanye West concert tickets, an Xbox 1, a flatscreen tv etc. without blinking but argues with me tooth and nail over my clothes and anything wedding related. I only buy things that I can afford, and have a google sheets budget that I share with him to show him that I have enough to pay for what I need to of the wedding payments. Additionally, I have already put down $2500 for the wedding, and he hasn’t put down a penny.
He is very supportive of my career and is loving in many other ways, but this money/engagement/wedding business is really starting to get spoiled for me. It really hurts me that he claims to love me so much, yet won’t give me what I need: a bigger commitement from engagement, even when the ring is SITTING ON MY DRESSING TABLE. If he doesn’t propose this weekend, I feel that I really cannot continue to be in this relationship–I feel that he is being very manipulative. Even if he does propose, I am worried that nothing can make up for what he made me feel this summer regarding engagement, the ring and the wedding and that the whole thing is ruined.
I know that I made a huge mistake too in pushing the wedding, but at the same time I just don’t want to waste more than 2.5 years that I already have unless he is going to commit to me fully. I’ve always made it very clear that marriage was my priority.