Please help – etiquette ? – guest list & registry for my 2nd marriage, FI's 1st

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should 2nd time bride do (FI's 1st & only marriage): (can choose multiple)
    Only invite 1st wedding guests who I/fam stayed in touch with : (18 votes)
    58 %
    Invite all of my side's 1st wedding guests : (0 votes)
    Have on site - "your well wishes/presence are enough; registry info below at request of some guests" : (8 votes)
    26 %
    Make so only his side (or those who I didn't know/invite to 1st wedding) can see the registry page : (0 votes)
    Send 1st wedding invited guests msg requesting no gifts or saying they've been generous enough : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Something else described below : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would only invite people you kept in touch with/are close with for your side, but I’d say that regardless of number wedding you are on. But esp for #2 or more.

    I wouldn’t mention gifts. People who care about you and love you will want to celebrate you. I’d bring a gift and well wishes to a close friend or family regardless if they said not to, and regardless if it was their first or 10th wedding.

     

    I wouldn’t say anything about gifts to anyone, especially pointing out to some not to give them. Just quietly list the registry somewhere

    Post # 3
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I think you are the bride and old rules don’t apply. You do not want it to seem like a gift grab but I would go ahead and register since people want you to. You can put the registry info on there and just see what happens. I think putting something on there like your presence if enough of a gift gifts not expected is a good touch. You will probably still get gifts etc.  Congrats!

    Post # 4
    Member
    992 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I would just invite the people you are still close to. You don’t need to “re-do” your wedding with all the original guests.

    Also, I would register but not make any mention of gifts or anything. People who want to give a gift will seek our your registry, and people who don’t will hopefully get you a card 🙂 My Darling Husband was married 2 times before me (and this is my first marriage) so we had a big blow out wedding courtesy of my family, but I assumed that a lot of his friends and family wouldn’t be getting us anything and I didn’t mind that at all.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3347 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Give out registry info when requested. Only invite people you’ve stayed close with. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    813 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

    YouBeBoyAnd :  Invite those you have kept in contact with and those who support you and your relationship. I agree with the other PP’s post and just let people know about the registry when requested.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1300 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I was a second time bride with a first time groom (weddings were 9 and a half years apart) and I just invited those who I am close to now. Some were at my first others were not. We did register and only mentioned it when asked about it. We made no mention to anyone on invites or conversations about gifts and most people just brought a card to the wedding itself.

    Post # 8
    Member
    865 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

    Our wedding website had a subtle link to the registry on the left side nav. I think you can just put a link to your registry without saying anything about it or drawing too much attention to it. Mentioning it at all makes it awkward. In my experience, it was my first wedding and my husband’s second. Some of his friends who came to his first wedding didn’t give us a gift and some of them did, but we didn’t mention anything about it. Just have fun and don’t overthink it. Oh and only invite people you are still in touch with.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1569 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I say this with all kindness: You are overthinking this way too much! 😀 Don’t worry so much about what’s “proper” or what other people think. Do what you and your fiance want. It was a second marriage for both me and my husband, so our situation was a little different, but I get having doubts and concerns since you and your friends/family as guests have already been through this before. I decided to let that all go and just planned the wedding as if it was our first, because it was our first to each other.

    I wouldn’t invite anyone simply because you included them the last time. If you have the kind of relationship with someone now that you’d invite them to your wedding, then put them on the list. If you’ve lost touch then it would seem odd to get an invitation out of the blue from someone they haven’t spoken to in months/years. 

    As for the registry, make one and make it available for everyone to see. Leave it up to them to decide if they want to give a gift. Most people prefer guidance with these things so think of the registry as an aid to them, not a command. We had people asking about our registry who had been at our previous weddings, and one relative even insisted we add something pricier to the registry since we’d kept it modest and minimal. They wanted to buy us something extra special so, of course, I obliged. Only two of our guests didn’t give a gift or card. One was a cousin who made a big fuss about having a year to send a gift after my first wedding and that gift never materialized, so I wasn’t exactly surprised this time around. The other was my husband’s absent-minded uncle who missed the ceremony and claimed he’d left our card in the car when he showed up for the reception. Again, not particularly surprising and surely not because they’d given a wedding gift previously. Unless you make a big show out of talking about how many gifts you hope to get, no one will think you’re being gift grabby. They’ll probably be so happy for you two that they’ll want to give a gift to celebrate.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9123 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    you are waaaaaayyyy overthinking this. 

    invite who you want to invite and who you want to celebrate with you.  if you lost touch with them, why would they even be on your radar to invite.

     

    do a registery.  registeries shouldn’t be thrown in people’s faces anyway.  if someone asks for the information, tell them, because they want to know.  don’t hide it and be coy about it.  register.

    also, let your Fiance enjoy the hoopla of his wedding without you having to be weird about things because this is your 2nd marriage.

    this is a time to be joyful and celebrate with those you love.

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