Post # 1
Ok, I will try and keep this short. My FMIL is a very nice person, but very difficult to deal with most ofthe time. She has complained about me behind my back, had a HUGE fit when I wasn’t planning on having her 10 year old daughter in our wedding. Basically, it has been a real struggle. Two weeks ago I caught her gossiping about me at another family wedding about how expensive our rehersal dinner is for her ($400). They are not paying for anything else, never given us a shower gift…the list goes on.
Ok, so several months ago, my Future Mother-In-Law came to town (she lives two hours away) for my bridal shower. We had very nice time and at the end of the day she brought in her clothes to show me that she was planning on wearing to the wedding. I gave her glowing reviews on everything, it wasn’t my style but she was really excited about the bargin so that’s great. Then, my mom brought out what she was planning on wearing….fall colored top and very fancy black pants from Saks. My Mom is pretty contemporary and just had a knee replacement, she wanted to wear something she would feel comfortable in and wouldn’t show her scar. On top of that, she has lost about 85 lbs and this outfit made her really look cute. 🙂
Fast forward to yesterday. My Mom talks to my Future Mother-In-Law to square away details on the brunch for the Sunday after the wedding. My Future Mother-In-Law mentions to my mom that she has decided to change her outfit and is now wearing BLACK PANTS and almost the exact same top! Seriously! really!!!! My Mom of course doesn’t want me to bring it up but it really hurts my feelings. why on earth would she want to match my Mom!
I need to call my Future Mother-In-Law today anyway, while talking to her about photos to be taken at the church, is it wrong to confirm what she is wearing? I don’t want to be mean or pick a fight…but maybe politely ask her to reconsider?
8 days left and I’m loosing my mind.
Post # 3
O my gosh, that would tick me off so much, I could see why your annoyed. I really don’t have any good advice except that 8 days out i’d probably freak and be totally insane about it. Can you have Fiance say something like o I just saw my Future Mother-In-Law outfitt, what are you wearing and if she pulls out the same thing, he could maybe take the battle on and be like What you can’t wear that mom, everyone knows bride’s mom picks first, and that’s what she’s wearing/
Try to make him handle this one with his mom.
I had a similar issue, my girls are wearing red, so Future Mother-In-Law buys 2 dresses, one is red. So I haven’t seen them but she tells me what she got and i’m like uh sorry the girls are wearing red so you can’t. Ya i was pretty blunt, wanted to nip it in the bud.
Hope everything works out!
Post # 4
Thank you! The thing is…she hasn’t told ME she is changing clothes just my Mom. I’m so fustrated. I can’t believe she is done this for no other real reason that to be annoying. I think I’ll try and chat to bring it up casually but if that doesn’t work the Fiance is just going to have to say something.
Anybody else have advise?
Post # 5
Honestly – it probably won’t be a big deal … I was at a wedding recently where the mothers of the bride and groom were wearing outfits that were sooo close they could be mistaken for the same thing … and it didn’t really mattered. As a matter of fact, people thought it was cute.
Also, your mom can enjoy the fact that she most likely looks better in the outfit. And imitation is the most sincere form of flattery …
Post # 6
I’d ask her if she has any jewelry to go with her X colored dress from before. If not, would she like to borrow osmething? teehee. Then, she’ll say “oh i’m wearing X…” and then you say, “my mom is wearing that.” and then you can roll with the discussion that they shouldn’t match and it’d be weird. Tell her how much you LOVED that dress she had, etc.
If casual convo doesn’t work (ie if she’s too dull to pick up on it) just tell her flat out you’d prefer if the moms don’t match and if she’d go back to her original choice.
I’d be ticked. How obnoxious!
Post # 7
OK, to clarify, you are saying the outfit in question is what your mothers are wearing to the wedding (not the day after brunch), right? I find it weird too. If it was basically any other occasion, I wouldn’t be bothered by the fact that they are oth wearing black pants. But for a wedding, it does seem odd to me, that both mothers would be wearing that type of outfit. (Simply because I don’t think it’s the norm for mothers to wear that type of outfit. They usually wear dresses.) I would have our Fiance remind her that it’s customary for the MOB to pick her outfit first…and the reason being, so the mothers don’t wear the same outfit. (Yeah MOBs get first dibs. It’s just how the cookie crumbles.) If she saw the outfit and loved the idea, I’m sure there is a way for her to take some of the idea, without having the same outfit. Maybe your Fiance can even pull a, “Gee Mom, I think you look so lovely in dresses. You always wear dresses for fancy events. I pictured you in something like this (point to picture here) for the wedding.” That might sway her.
(I know the point of the post wasn’t about the other incidents, but since you brought them up, I’ll just give my thoughts.) Is her 10 yr old daughter, your FI’s sister? Step sister? How did Fiance feel about having her in the wedding. Just my opinion, but I think 10 year old sisters should be in the wedding. Seeing that she’s the sister and she’s at kind of a delicate age, I can see why FI’s mother would push to have her in it. Young girls can get pretty excited about weddings, and be hurt if they aren’t asked. Also, with the Rehearsal Dinner thing, I would let that go too. It sounds like she wanted to get some kudos or sympathy about about the money she put into it. Unless she was saying something like you were insisting on her doing all kinds of expensive things, or being snooty about what she put together, I wouldn’t take it as her gossiping about you. (Just feel sorry for her that she needs that kind of attention.)
Post # 8
Yes, the outfit for the wedding, not the brunch. I added her daughter (my Fiance 1/2 sister) to the wedding party months ago. I had asked to be my personal attendant and my Future Mother-In-Law was not a fan of that at all. I can deal with just about anything else…but it just rubs me the wrong way that she basically copied my Mom’s outfit.
I think the idea of bring up that I have jewelry for her and how much I loved that dress might help. She really does perfer to be the center of attention. Hopefully I can say it in a very relaxed way about how I wanted her to really stand out. I do like her as a person, I think she is just very insecure. She tells everyone how left out she is, but I’ve really tried to have relationship with her and she constantly blows me off.
thanks for the input ladies! You are helping to make me feel slightly non crazy.
Post # 9
This is so crazy to me. Tell her you loved the dress more on her and hope she’ll consider switching back. Good luck!
Post # 10
I would probably just let it go. It seems like she is insecure and maybe she just didn’t want to look too different from the MOB in how she was dressed. It’s your day and if I were you I wouldn’t give it another thought. Just think that it might not be coming from a vindictive place but maybe from her insecurity and leave it at that. All eyes are going to be on the beautiful bride anyways!
Post # 11
I would let it go too – you have enough to worry about and your guests will just think it was a purposeful thing anyways. I think my mom and my brothers Mother-In-Law wore similar stuff to his wedding and I think they did that on purpose. Honestly, don’t let this stress you out! It really won’t be important at all on your actual wedding day!
Post # 12
Yikes, I know exactly how you feel because I am dealing something similar right now, but I still have months for me to deal with this. Quite obnoxious, I agree. You, having only 8 days left, certainly shouldn’t have to be worrying about this. You might have to just let it go, or somehow convey to her that you (and everyone else you can think of) like the dress better on her.
Post # 13
Here’s what I would do. Don’t say anything to Future Mother-In-Law about her outfit. Have your mom buy another fabulous outfit for the weddingand ask her to wear her original wedding outfit, (black pants and fall top), to the rehearsal dinner the night before. That will certainly teach Future Mother-In-Law a lesson. She will look ridiculous showing up the next day in the same outfit worn by the MOB the night before.
Post # 14
Um, maybe you should just be glad that she’s not going with something floor-length, in off-white? 🙂 And now, for a more serious answer – I think you should allow your actions to be dictated by how YOUR mom feels. If your mom will be irritated that Future Mother-In-Law now matches her, then I’d bring it up using the “ooh, I have jewelry to match your dress!” strategy. If your mom doesn’t care, then let them match. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting.
Post # 15
woa, why are we all so mad at the MIL? I would never want to, on my wedding day, make my soon to be mother-in-law look ridiculous? For all we know, she thought she was doing something good by matching the MOB – maybe she thought “hmm, the MOB is wearing this, so this must be what the Bride likes. So I will get something similar!” The wedding is in 8 days, so many more exciting things to focus on now!
Post # 16
hahaha I like Meowkers idea!