(Closed) please help, getting rid of a paranoid friend of my gf before our wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Mr. Squarepants make enough money for me to not have to work and it is an option but I do know that I would go stir crazy if I just sat home doing nothing while waiting for him to get back from work.

So I am planning to work part time just so I have something productive to do, that can keep me busy. You need to make sure staying home is what she really wants to do and not just something she’s agreeing to in order to make you happy. 

This friend of your gf sounds downright mean and jealous but it really depends on how important her friendship is to your gf, you don’t want to chase her away if your gf considers her a close friend. 

I suggest ignoring her but if she continues, avoiding her might help. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am a Stay-At-Home Wife and I am not going to lie, it sucks in a big big way!  I could volunteer, and I do, but I am used to doing something more.  Now, in saying that, I am older (40) and I do not have children to look forward to taking care of.  Another thing to think about is fear, make sure that she is secure in that if you were suddenly gone for whatever reason, that she is taken care of.  Going back to work after not working for a long time is terrifying.  You need to sit down and talk to her and find out exactly what her trepidations are, and forget that you are a man when you do.  Men’s brains think differently then womens do and this is bound to be an emotional subject for her.  Just be patient and listen, I am sure the two of you will come to a concensus that works for both of you.  If you answer all the chirpers issues as well, then you have rid yourself of the problem.   Good Luck.

Post # 6
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@dave2624: Oh creepers. I personally will have a *chat* with this woman but your gf sounds too nice to want to upset anyone.

Maybe your gf could be “too busy to talk” and putting her number on a block list?

Actually, it sounds like your gf should quit this job just to get away from this toxic woman. If she is so jealous, I don’t think she’s a real friend anyways…. but do listen to what your gf has to say. 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe this friend is worried that you Fiance will “lose herself” if she stops working at becomes a Stay-At-Home Wife. To answer your question, no I would not stay home if it were an option. Some women would, some wouldn’t, there is no “right” thing to do as you said. It depends on what your Fiance feels is right.

Just looking at your post, you made a point to mention how much money you make about 10 times, that you’re good in bed, and you called your Fiance “simple”. The title of the post is about “getting rid” of one of her friends. Honestly, I would probably say something to my friend if she was about to marry a guy who talked like that. Maybe she is acting out of jealousy, or she’s being protective and it’s coming across wrong. Either way, it’s not your place to get rid of any of your FI’s friends.

Ultimately it’s your FI’s decision whether or not she stays home. If her friend doesn’t want her to, who cares? She’s going to do what she wants to do either way. If this friend’s irrational comments are enough to persuade Fiance, then she probably deep down doesn’t want to be a Stay-At-Home Wife right now anyway. Just let her know you support her decision either way.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am currently a Stay-At-Home Wife and we are comfortable with me not working. We don’t have a maid, but we could (and it would be awesome if we did because I hate housework). 

However, I am going absolutely nuts. We have a cat that I adore and I spend time cooking, doing things around the house, going to a few local museums, etc but I really feel like I’ve lost myself.

I’m currently looking for work (we moved to a new country which is why I am currently a SAHW) and it is taking a long time.

I don’t want to work for the money, I really want to work because I enjoy feeling productive that that I am doing something valuable with my day. I’ve tried to find places to volunteer, but sadly for me (great for them) they have more volunteers than they need. 

 

Also, even though we have joint accounts and “what’s his is mine” I have a really hard time spending “his” money. I feel like he’s doing all the work for this money and I’m not contributing anything. Also, it’s hard to make friends without a job. I feel very isolated because there are days that go by where the only person I talk to is my Darling Husband.

My passion is horses and horseback riding, but it is an expensive one. Dh has been great about supporting my habit but I can’t help but feel a bit guilty every time I go to the barn and spend his hard earned money. He tells me all the time that it is fine and he *wants* to do this for me, but deep down I can’t help but feel guilty.

If your gf really wants that life, then that’s great. But don’t be surprised if at some point she’s not happy with it and/or feels alone and isolated. Even though her family is nearby, that’s not the same as being around people day in and day out, having lunch with coworkers and all the little interactions you take for granted. 

It’s great that you can fully support her and yourself and it’s very sweet you want her to have a comfy and easy life, but that kind of life can be very boring. 

Post # 11
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You have to understand that why the lifestyle of staying at home may seem appealing to you, it may not to her.

My husband does well and a few years ago there were talks about him going to his company’s China office for 2 years. I did NOT want to go, mostly becasue I would be giving up my career and my life. Even though I would of been able to stay at home, travel, and not work – this was not appealing to me at all.

My husband understands that working is extremely important to me & he respects that. Regardless of the paycheck, it sounds like your Girlfriend takes pride in her work and it gives her a sense of leadership, so don’t try to take that away from her if she doesn’t want to leave.

As far as the “friend,” why doesn’t she just cut off outside comunication with her? I’ve delt with crazy coworkers who called/texted me after work hours & I just don’t respond. I remain cordial at work, but keep the “relationship” professional.

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

will you marry me?  just kidding.

you can’t ask your fiance to ditch her friend. but you can try giving your opininon that you think she is toxic.  she also sounds crazy jealous.  what if you tried to get her good friends to help be a positive influence to your fiance? 

as for being a happy Stay-At-Home Wife, that is between you and your fiance. I would personally LOVE it, spending my days hiking, reading in coffee shops and maybe volunteering. but her happiness is up to her. if she would rather work, then maybe she can find a job that makes her happy. now that she doesn’t have to worry about money, she could take literally any job she wants no matter what it pays.  that will all develop over time. 

Post # 13
Member
7386 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would not want to be a Stay-At-Home Wife period.  And I would not want a maid.  And her friend sounds annoying.  If I were your girlfriend I would at least get a part time job and a new friend.

Post # 14
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t mean to be rude, but is this post real?  You kind of sound like a doucher and the grammar is very similar to scam mails I get from foreign countries telling me that someone wants me to transfer money for them or that I’ve been chosen for a great make money at home opportunity.

And if you’re planning a wedding, she is your fiance, not your girlfriend.

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@ananeele: to be honest, I was thinking the same thing.

Post # 16
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ananeele: hahahaha

Good point. Plus I doubt you can be that successful in your career having never learned how to use capitals or punctuation.

The topic ‘please help, getting rid of a paranoid friend of my gf before our wedding?’ is closed to new replies.

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