Post # 1
Here goes…its long…so please bare with me. I met my husband to be nearly 6 years ago. In the beginning, he was a bit controlling but now hes better to a point. He wanted to get married after only three months of dating. I got my dress and realized I just wasn’t ready. I moved in with him and his parents thinking we could build our finances. I soon found out it was a mistake. His mother would call to ask where we were if we were in town. His father knew we were saving and looking for a home so he took it upon himself to help us look. I would suggest to my h.t.b(husband to be)that I would like to go check out some property’s and although we would go check them out he always had an excuse as to why he didn’t like it. When it came to his dad was a different story. His father would suggest a place and the whole family(his dad, mother, sister’s and her kids would have to go look at it.) My fiancee never said anything to them when I voiced my opinion to him about it. It was worse when we bought a mobile home and surprisingly(we had to place it right down below his parents). It needed work and I was happy to have our own place. His father fixed a lot and one day I became tired of them inserting themselves(telling us where to put furniture etc) and I guess my feelings showed. I was upset but said nothing until he told me I needed to sweep(i was busy doing other things). I was already upset so I was vigoursly sweeping. He, I guess saw it bothered me and thought he would get under my skin. He begin to make sexist remarks and even threatened me. My fiancee said nothing to him. His mother still calls to ask where we are. His father still injects himself in our lives. His mother calls to tell us our porch light is on(because we turned it on) and when I begin to say something tells me it will run the lightbill up. Then we have tried to tell them not to call before a particular time but still does it. They expect us to drop everything and do for them. His mother even goes as far as to ask, knowing we are home, to go back out for an errand(she is fully capable of driving). She says she doesn’t want to get her grandkids out(they have custody). I wonder how she did anything with her own children. His father is very sexist and thinks women should be in the home. His wife does everything. My fiancee and I have talked about boundaries and although he says he’s said things to them they don’t seem to care or listen. They are usually the reason we fight because my fiancee always runs when they call. Its gotten so bad, for example, if I need milk he will get mad if he has to give me money but if they want something, he gives it freely. I have no where to go if I did leave but feel trapped here. Someone help! I don’t work due to a health condition and wonder about if I should just leave(and how to do it). Please help! Should I get married to this man?
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Hell no you should not marry him. You should run like your tampon string is on fire. Get out now, because the rest of your life is going to look exactly like this if you don’t. He’s still controlling you and you will never be ahead of his family.
Post # 3
if you are questioning now, it’s only going to get worse. i think you know your answer.
Post # 4
He gets mad if he has to pay for milk??
This sounds like a mess, leave.
Post # 5
The children they have custody of – are they yours and your future husband’s children?
Post # 6
If you feel trapped, controlled and disrespected now, just wait until they’ve really got you trapped with teh marriage certificate. I’d imagine things only get worse.
Post # 8
KiwiDerbyBride : “You should run like your tampon string is on fire”
+1000 LOL + best advice I’ve recently seen on weddingbee 🙂
Your situation sounds absolutely suffocating OP. Living practically on the doorstep of his meddling, judgmental family and with a so-called partner who favours them over you and acts like a dipshit if you say you’re out of milk?!?! There is literally nothing to stay for and this situation will only grow more intolerable, more claustrophobic. Even if you have health issues OP, you’d be better off on your own, even on disability benefits in a small apartment.
You CAN have a decent life OP, but you have to ditch this family that I’m picturing as something straight out of The Hills Have Eyes in order to go find this life.
Post # 9
What a horrible, suffocating mess. The bad news is this will never change unless both of you move FAR FAR AWAY. Even then you may not escape the clutches of unbearable in-laws. If it’s like this now, I dread to think how much they will interfere with your wedding plans and the rest of your life – nothing is going to change when you are married.
From your post, it doesn’t sound like you have much faith in FI and that he’s not really prepared to support you when his parents are unreasonable. Unless you want to live like this forever, you need to get out.
It will take time and planning. You must have someone, somewhere you can reach out to. Parents? Sibling? Friend? All you need is enough cash to get to where you need to go, and a little left over. It takes a lot of guts but you will feel instantly lighter and thank yourself in years to come for being brave enough to do it. Good luck.
Post # 10
KiwiDerbyBride : OMG…I’m dying laughing.lol
Post # 11
I read about 3 sentences in and already say NO. Leave.
Post # 12
Do you have any friends or family of your own that you can stay with until you get on your feet? No, you should not marry this man. It’s only going to get worse after marriage.
Post # 13
partyof2 : No, sorry, I should have clarified. The kids are his(my fiancee sister’s children). We don’t have any and I don’t really want any with him. Plus his mom has even gone as far as to tell me that if anything happen to them that We will have to take the kids. She’s not told me but she gets tired of watching them because he(her husband, my FiL)doesn’t help with them. Also, I don’t go up there much because they smoke and I don’t think it’s right when they have 2 small children in the house.
Post # 14
southerngal2016 : I really don’t have any where to go. If I go live with my mom and stepdad, he smokes plus has always treated me different than his own kids. He always has. I don’t really have any friends that I could stay with so I feel “stuck”.
Post # 15
KiwiDerbyBride : Thanks and the tampon bit cheered me up a bit!