Please HELP I desperately need advice – soon to be married (or not?)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You would be crazy for going through with a marriage to someone who has betrayed your trust over and over again. Respect yourself more than this! Raise the bar!

Post # 3
Member
10460 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

He doesn’t sound like a great guy. When people show you who they are believe them. And never go into a marriage hoping someone will change. Marriage won’t make him respect your wishes or stop lying. So if you don’t want this to be the rest of your life then you really need to consider the future of this relationship.

Post # 4
Member
10546 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He knows he can get away with it so he’ll never stop.

Dont marry him.

Post # 6
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
emily2018 :  Different people have different boundaries. The fact is that you’re not comfortable with strip clubs–which is completely legitimate–and made this clear to your partner. He pretended to be on board with this boundary, only to betray your trust repeatedly. 

Forget the strip club thing. Why would you marry someone who lies to you again and again?

Post # 7
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

Strip clubs aren’t a big deal in my opinion. What is a big deal is that he’s blatantly and repeatedly lying to you. That’s not a good relationship. DTMFA.

Post # 8
Member
7470 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

He’s an adult. You did not make him agree to anything, and if he didn’t like the terms of being with you, he could walk away. But he hasn’t. Instead, he chooses to lie repeatedly because you have shown him that there are no real consequences for doing so. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of strip clubs (though I think men who regularly attend them are sleazy); it is a line in the sand for YOU, and there’s no reason you need to tolerate being lied to. You can do better.

Post # 9
Member
3279 posts
Sugar bee

I wasn’t aware “great guys” consistently and frequently betray the trust of their significant others and disrespect them over and over again.

You deserve better, don’t marry him. 

Post # 10
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

You guys are not compatible so he lies to get his way.  It will only get worse when you’re married.  I would NOT marry him.

Post # 11
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

“He lies because you get upset,” is not a valid reason to lie. That’s someone who doesn’t care, he just reeeeally wants to keep looking at other naked girls. Fucking get rid of him. Getting married to him will only feel worse when he continues doing this shit.

Post # 12
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Dump him. And while you’re at it dump the friends who are advising that you are to blame for his behavior.

Post # 13
Member
793 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
emily2018 :  I agree with PPs. Some people find strip clubs ok in their relationships but if he repeatedly lies about going to them knowing that it is a no from you is not all right. How can you form a marriage if you can’t even trust the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with?

Post # 14
Member
10460 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

There are a wide range of opinions when it comes to strip clubs. It doesn’t really matter what others opinions are though. You aren’t comfortable with them, you made that clear, he went anyway. Every relationship has different boundaries, just because someone would be okay with it doesn’t mean you have to be.

And if the strip club thing was important to him then he should discuss this boundary to see if there’s room for a compromise rather than just sneaking around and lying about it.

Post # 15
Member
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
emily2018 :  it’s easy to turn your friends’ b.s. argument around. If it’s no big deal, why must he keep doing it when he knows it hurts you.

if it’s no big deal, it shouldn’t be hard for him to keep his promise to you.

he’s not well suited to you. Your values do not align. Do yourself a huuuuge favor and dump him. 

 

 

 

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