Post # 1
Ok, so it’s a VERY long story, which I can’t properly explain but here’s the situation. My brother and I had a huge falling out and haven’t seen or spoken to each other in 5.5 years. This was never much of a problem for me because I know I didn’t want someone like him in my life … until he moved back in with my parents with his wife and two babies in december. Anyway, I finally bit the bullet and took Fiance to have dinner with them on Friday and now my mother wants me to invite him and his wife to my wedding. I feel like I’m in an impossible situation. If I allow him to come, I’m going to have anxiety about it the whole time – waiting for the other shoe to drop as it were. But if he doesn’t come, I feel like I’m disappointing my whole family and will have to questions all night like, “why isn’t your brother here?” I don’t know what to do … we’re having a small wedding because we only wanted people there who love us and want to celebrate this occasion with us and I genuinely don’t believe my brother falls into this category. What do you think I should do? I hate that I have to deal with this so close to the wedding – I’m so sad. Thanks for any insight!
Post # 3
It’s your brother. I don’t know the situation but you might look back and really regret it if he’s no at least invited. Let him make the choice…they’ll be so many people there anyways you mine as well!
Post # 4
Do you want any sort of relationship with your brother in the future? Do you think that it canbe repaired? Obviously not before the wedding, but over the years, if you think you’d like a friendly relationship with him and his family, I’d invite them. If you’re okay with completely cutting him out, for good, forever, then don’t. What the rest of your family thinks is important, but you are the only one who can make this call.
Post # 5
Oh man, what a situation to face. Well, I don’t want to pry, so I wont ask why you both had a falling out. But now that you both had dinner, do you feel like your differences can be resolved? It’s always so difficult when family doesn’t get a long. Perhaps, with you taking the higher road and inviting him to your wedding, you both can take that step into rebuilding your relationship. I certainly wouldn’t think he would do anything to ruin your day. But then again, I don’t know him. I hope things work out for you guys.
Post # 6
How did you get a long at the dinner? That would definately be something that would need to be factored in. Without knowing more about the situation and how things went at the dinner, it is very difficult to suggest anything. Maybe he has gotten better in the years you have been distant. He now has a wife and kids, so maybe that has set him in a good direction, and if you did invite him, you might not have any issues at all.
Post # 7
Perhaps this is a topic you should broach with your brother. Call him and ask him if he is interested in attending. If he says yes, he probably doesn’t intend to cause drama. If he says no, then you can just let your family know he doesn’t want to come, no biggie.
Post # 8
Wow, I’m sorry that you have to go through this. Here’s what I think – think about how whichever decision you make will affect your life 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now and 10 years from now. I’m not going to suggest to go with one thing or the other, because I dont know your situation well nor your family. All I can say is that whatever you decide you should make sure that its not just the right decision for right now, but the right decision forever. If you dont invite your brother will you regret that down the line (say you grow closer to him again) or if you do invite your brother will you be so worried the whole day that you are not going to be able to enjoy your wedding? Im sorry I dont have more insight for you, but you know yourself and your family better and will be the one to live with whichever decision you make. Good luck with it!
Post # 9
I’m so sorry to hear that. I am also dealing with some family drama that affects the wedding, and I know how sad it can be. Hang in there. You will make the right decision for you!
My opinion is that you should not invite him. You didn’t want to include him for a reason, and including him now will just be something that you’re doing in order to go along with other people’s vision of the day & what you should be doing. To me, it’s a mistake to do something you *don’t* want to do in order to keep from disappointing other people at your wedding. The day should go down the way YOU want it to… I know that happy family members are probably part of what you want, but you just can’t please everyone, and there is always a potential reason for people to be disappointed. Happy family + bride anxious over family drama VS. Happy bride + potentially disappointed family. I go with the latter.
I feel like some people are going to say invite him, some people are going to say not to invite him — and there will be good reasons on both sides. You just have to look within yourself for the right answer, it’s in there!
Best of luck in setting these hurt feelings aside so that you can fully enjoy your beautiful day. It can be done! ((HUGS))
Post # 10
We got along fine at dinner – almost like strangers talking though. We really have nothing in common, we are three years and worlds apart. I just don’t know how to get over this fear that he would do something to completely ruin the wedding … the version of him that I remember would absolutely do that. I did notice a change in attitude but like I said before, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your ladies may be right, because I feel like someday we might be able to have a quasi-normal relationship. This is just SOOO not the situation I expected myself to be in … I mean 5.5 years of nothing and then this. Argh! I really appreciate your support and help though!
Post # 11
I know you’re having a small wedding, but could you possibly appoint another guest to sort of “look after” your brother and if he starts causing drama or problems that person could be in charge of removing him or fixing the situation quietly? I appointed one of my friends “Drama Deflector” so that if someone starts harshing my happy-wedding vibe, all I have to do is use the code word and she will tactfully ask for that person’s help with some task very far away from me 🙂 Might be a good option that would allow you to invite him and still feel easy…