Post # 1
I’ve posted before about this…the fact that I have to wait until this summer to see if my SO will hold to his promise to propose. But here’s my problem..I’m an emotion mess right now and I don’t know how I can make it to June without seeming like a psycho. I’m doing my best to see normal and put on a happy face but inside I’m a wreck. My main issue is that we are both 30 and I’m so scared that my life is passing me by. Even if we do get married in the next year or so, I’m worried about if I’ll even be able to have children. I’m also comparing myself to others who are already engaged/married or have kids.
To be honest, I wasn’t ready for marriage until a year ago–when I brought up the topic to my SO. And I know he loves me and wants to marry me. I also have a promise from him that this summer will be it (proposal, etc). But how do I cope during this waiting period? How do I stop thinking about the worst possible scenarios? I try to keep busy, etc. but I’m still going crazy. Please help!!!
Post # 3
I don’t want to sound harsh but this is your third time posting about the exact same issue. I think everyone has already given you all the advice they can. I understand you’re in a hard situation and it just sucks but you know you have a couple options:
a) talk to you SO about your concerns
b) wait until June/July even though it sucks
b) give him an ultimatum (although I wouldn’t suggest this)
In the meantime I would seek comfort on the waiting boards with other girls in your same situation.
Post # 4
As you’ve learned, you can’t suppress the emotional tidal wave you are riding right now. What you’ll need to do is find a coping mechanism. The boards here are (generally) a supportive place to vent your fears and frustrations and might help take the edge off a little.
And for your concerns about your age? Visit the 30-somethings board here on WeddingBee. There are dozens (if not hundreds) of women who are getting married and starting families who are quite a bit older than you. I am one of them, and can tell you that life is not passing you by. 🙂
And I think comparing yourself to other established couples constantly will ensure you keep feeling crazy and emotional. 🙂 I have done that too, since practically all of my friends married in their late 20s, and are now all pregnant with their SECOND child already. But if you look around you will see people in your age range at all stages of the relationship game: single, partnered, married, divorced, etc.
The bottom line is you don’t know what the future holds exactly, and all I can say is that none of us do either.
Oh, and physical exercise has helped me a ton during stressful times. There was a point several years ago when I was struggling with the end of a relationship, and every time my thoughts raced and I got weepy, I jumped on the elliptical trainer or the treadmill and cranked up my headphones. For 15 or 20 minutes I could get out of my own head.
Post # 5
Just try and assess the situation and realize that you may have to make changes. http://www.thefrisky.com has some great articles.
Post # 6
I’m not pleased with the fact that I’ve posted numerous times on this board in the past week. But I really have nobody to talk to about this–not a single family member or friend. I was hoping to get the support I needed here, even if it meant posting several times.
But I’ve realized that focusing on my emotions and posting about them is really not helping me in the least. That is why I will be deactivating my account. Thank you all for your support in the past week.
Post # 7
@Claudia30: Don’t deactivate your account! I don’t know why so many people hate on waiting bee’s, but I can tell you for SURE I wasn’t ever able to handle the emotions of waiting. I would have a ton of haters on this site if I had found it as a waiting bee. It is impossible to calm yourself down, but I think it’s important to let your SO know how you feel and that you don’t think waiting until the summer is the best decision for your sanity. Ask him if you can start planning the wedding now so you at least feel a little more calm about the whole thing while he picks out the ring.
Post # 8
Here is what I would say:
Stop worrying about life passing you by and realize that YOU’RE LIVING IT!!! My SO reminds me of this a lot, that I can’t live in the future. I am constantly planning/thinking of what life will be like at certain moments in our future together. However, while you are doing that you are missing out on the time you have RIGHT NOW to enjoy your partner.
As far as children, there are so many options out there. Women are definitely able to have children well into their 40’s. Even if that turns out to not be the case for you, many many children are waiting to be adopted.
Don’t worry so much about whether or not your SO is going to hold up his end of the bargain or not. Trust him for now, and if he doesn’t follow through, then discuss why and what your next step is as a couple.
You said you weren’t even ready for marriage until a year ago, give your SO time to plan an amazing proposal with a beautiful engagement ring.
Find little joys in your life now to focus on (mine is decorating the house we are about to share), believe me it helps.
Post # 9
Get out there and enrich your life. Make yourself busy. Do things you’ve always wanted to do. Take up hobbies, learn new languages, travel by yourself, flirt with strangers. Remind yourself of how great it is to be with just you before you hitch yourself to someone else.
If you’re busy, you won’t have time to think about waiting.
And by the way, 30 is not the end of the road. A lot of women have babies in their mid to late thirties. My mother had me when she was 33, my friend met her husband when she was 32 and had a baby at 34. And my friend’s parents recently adopted a little girl…in their late fifties. You have time to be a parent.
Post # 10
Why do you think you can’t have childen? 30yr old is not old! Some women have kids when they are alomost 40…
Try not to compare yourself with others because everyone is unique!! And you should have confidence in your SO and get ready for the special moment!
Post # 11
I don’t know if this helps – I know how powerful the feeling of “running out of time” can be, and it makes it tough to see the abundant possibilities of the moment – but here goes… I’m 38. I’m getting married for the first time and plan to have my first child after that!! And I have never been so happy and in the moment as now!!
I admit that there were many times between age 30 (when I thought I was getting old, yeah right!) and 36 (when I met my “the one!”) that I thought I was going to have surrender to life and give up on love and go live in a convent or something lol, but you know? Something even better was always just around the corner…
So, yeah, there were a few relationships in which I kept dying to get that ring, and it never came, and it was because the relationship wasn’t working out for this or that reason, and it was good that I didn’t push it to be something it wasn’t ready or able to be. That’s not to say that anything at all is wrong with your relationship, but what I am saying is that you are not pressed for time!!! Tell time that it can tick all it wants, because no matter what day or year it is, you are always awesome NOW! 🙂
Post # 12
I haven’t seen your earlier posts so forgive me if this has been explained… but if you have agreed to marry him and he has agreed to marry you, what’s the purpose of waiting until June to make it official?
If he’s saving up for a ring, what if for your own sanity you took money out of the equation and chose a simple ring that you can afford right now?
Post # 13
Don’t leave. A lot of women don’t understand what it’s like to be our age and be waiting…and waiting…and waiting. Though I am not waiting any more, I do know where you’re coming from.
My suggestion to you would be to go to the bookstore or library and get as many of the relationship self help books for waiting women as possible. And then read all of them. Don’t skim–read. And take notes. This sounds crazy, but it helped reaffirm my feelings about whether or not my relationship was on the right track, and more importantly, kept me busy. And kept me from whining endlessly to my friends, who all married young and didn’t know what the big worry was about. They have a lot of good tips on things to do to occupy your mind as you wait.
If you’re not much of a reader, take up scrapbooking. Or roller derby. Or clarinet. Because waiting is not a legitimate hobby.
Post # 14
i can understand wanting to start the new next phase of your life but by obsessing about it and torturing yourself you are missing out on living your life right now so please dont waste it by making yourself so unhappy
your guy loves you, you love him, you have a timeline so it will happen – in the meantime enjoy the time you have with your guy, if you are going to be unhappy and stressed out it might mean youre not a fun person to be around
why dont you create a project to keep you busy between now and then – heck, take a letterpress course if you want, might come in handy for invites but something that will help you obsess less
Post # 15
I really hope its not my comment that makes you want to leave. That wasn’t my intention.
I just wanted to let you know that there is a special waiting board for girls like you looking for support. I think if you’re stressing over getting engaged you should avoid the wedding boards as it will just make you think about it more and be more stressed about it. Venting on the waiting boards is however an appropriate outlet.
Post # 16
don’t let your anxiousness be that distracting