(Closed) Please help. I’m destroying us and I can’t stop! (very long, sorry)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

In all honesty I think you need to talk to a professional (with him and on your own) in addition to the boards.

 

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Two words: Couples Counseling.

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@needhelptoojealous: These feelings sound fairly normal, although they will be destructive to your relationship.

I highly recommend pre-marital counseling. Talking about this with him an a facilitated environment can really help you work through the issues.

He sounds like he’s realized what he had in you and wants to make it work this time, so I’d think he’d be open to working through these issues.

Or, you could just get your own counseling, but I think doing couples counseling together to understand each of your feelings and how to work though them as a couple would be very beneficial to both of you.

He needs to understand your feelings are valid, and you need to learn how to work through them rather than let them destroy your relationship.

*hugs* to you.

Post # 6
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

You guys need couples counseling immediately

Post # 6
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You definitely need to talk to a professional, and In My Humble Opinion, slow your relationship down until you can get over these issues.

Post # 7
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know that you probably don’t want to just hear couselling (though I do think it would REALLY benefit you).

I think that you really need to take a moment to think about how you feel.

Is this someone you love? If so, you need to make the right decisions in this relationship and being so jealous is probably not one of them.

I look at relationships this way, if he didn’t want to be with you.. he wouldn’t. And that is only a choice he can make. If you don’t think that he wants to be there and he isn’t leaving then you have to make the choice to leave. But if you look in your heart and see that there really is no legit reason to feel like that, you need to really stop accusing him of not loving you because it will just push him away.

I think if you are feeling this way maybe writing in a journal will help you get some things off your chest and then you can really think about how logical or illogical your feelings are.

Anyways sorry for the long rant hope it helps.

Post # 8
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with PPs…the only thing that can help is to have someone to bounce all of these issues off of. Couples counseling will be good to work this out, and to strenthen your relationship!!

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would hold off on your wedding. If you don’t resolve it now, it will eat at your marriage. It’s much easier to decide that you can not deal with what he has done his past and just break-up rather than having to go through a divorce.

Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

At the beginning of our relationship, i too went insane over my S.O’s ex wife. 

I drove myself nuts with questions and looking her up everyway I could. (pictures, the net, etc)

It FINALLY goes away, but it was really tough and was quite hard work.    Since you guys are engaged and there is a child in your lives?  Counselling would probably help you feel better, faster.

I just want to let you know it really does go away 🙂

((HUGS))

Post # 11
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Unfortunately, your FI’s child’s Mother will ALWAYS be a part of your life. You seriously need to deal with this. Either you trust the guy and will accept the fact the Mother will always be part of your life or you will make you and your Fiance totally miserable. Like the others have said, counseling would help you learn how to look at the situation in an objective manner and how to deal with your feelings of mistrust.

Post # 12
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with everybody about getting counselling — even before couples counselling, you on your own. 

Maybe try looking at this another way – from the point of view of FIs little boy — it’s his Mama, you know? believe me, I have tended towards bouts of irrational jealousy towards guy’s families (not exes, oddly)! but for the sake of the little one, if not for your own relationship/marriage, you want to accept this woman.  Think of her as the Mom and not the other (romantic) woman in your lives because from the sound of it, that’s all she is.  Your guy sounds like he really loves you.  If you doubt that or think he’s fickle or something… that’s another story!

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