- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I have been visiting the boards daily since I got engaged in October but this is my first post. I feel like I cannot talk to anyone about this and it is absolutely destroying me and my relationship with my fiance. Here is our story: we met in 2006 and dated for 2 years. He was 26 and I was 22. Right from the start he told me he had no interest in marriage. I was fine with it as I had recently ended a long relationship and was just looking to have fun. Have fun we did! I had never met anyone like him. We have the same sense of humor and general outlook on life and amazing chemistry. He ended up moving in with me after about a year (mostly out of convenience as he was in the process of buying/remodeling a house) and I fell head over heels in love with him. Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that he was never going to give me what I now knew I wanted (marriage and kids – he even told me he could never allow himself to love me, or anyone) and I asked him to move out (his house was still not ready – he had to live with a friend for several months).
We stayed friends and both stayed in contact with friends and family we had became acquainted with while dating. I spent lots of time with friends and kind of went wild (lots of drinking and meaningless relationships). He almost immediately got another girl pregnant and proceeded to try and make a relationship with her work for the last 3 years. He came over to tell me in person that she was pregnant and it was one of the worst moments of my life. I eventually had a couple of year-ish relationships that meant almost nothing to me. He was always on my mind.
Fast forward to spring of 2010. I was in one of those year-ish relationships. I was still randomly in touch with him and with mutual acquaintances so he knew that I was. He and the mother of his child were on and off. I tried to know as little about them as possible for my own mental health. Anyway, he started calling and texting me. He also starting contacting my friends and telling them he missed me and realized I was the biggest mistake ever and that he needed another chance. By summer he was sending flowers and gifts to work daily and telling me everything I had wanted to hear for all of those years. I was trying to make my relationship work and was more or less ignoring him. I would occasionally respond and ask him to stop. He told me he couldn’t. That he loved me too much and that he had blown it once and couldn’t again without giving it everything he had. By the end of the summer my relationship was over (it was inevitable although it probably burned out a couple of months early with my mind being elsewhere). By September we were together and by October he had proposed with an amazing ring that he had picked out before I even gave him the time of day again. He said he knew he wanted to marry me and he knew he needed to show me how serious he was/is.
We immediately dove into planning a wedding for September of this year. Our friends and families are ecstatic and said they always hoped we would end up together. His son is adorable and we hit it off immediately. I was happier than I had ever been. It was everything I had wanted since the day I met him and so much more. He had all of the same amazing qualities as before and now he told me he loved me constantly and couldn’t wait to marry me.
And then the doubts, jealousy, and insecurity came and turned me into a crazy person. I have spent the last 3 months analyzing every aspect of his relationship w/ his son’s mom. I have asked millions of questions (which he has patiently answered), stalked her facebook, tortured myself with pictures of the 2 (and 3) of them, obsessed over small articles left at his house from when she lived there and just all and all made myself nuts. I alternate between telling him it’s ok and that I can deal with it and going completely crazy on him telling him he cannot possibly love me and that if he did he never would have left in the first place, let alone made the decision to have unprotected sex (repeatedly) with someone he had just started dating. He says he cannot explain other than that he knows he loves me and wants to be with me and not her. He said that they were miserable and only trying to make it work for their son. I don’t know why he would pursue me for months and propose/plan a wedding immediately if what he were saying was not true but I can’t stop freaking out and it’s threatening to ruin us. Please, please help and thank you for reading this novel.