(Closed) PLEASE help-I'm so terrified of pregnancy and it's killing me

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think pregnancy is scary for everyone to some extent for a lot of things you are describing, but what you are saying is above and beyond.  It sounds like a lot of the underlining issues that caused your eating disorder are still there.  I see the word control over and over again in your post, and you still don’t sound like you think you are beautiful or fit, and based on the weight and height you gave, you are completely in normal range. 

I think going back to counciling is the best idea.  It sounds like preganancy is just a picture of issues that sound much larger.

Post # 3
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I had a panic moment about pregnancy as well but think of all the women in the world that go through that. Are you any less strong than any of them? No.

Post # 4
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

TwinkleBoss:  but 5-7 years is a really, really long time away pyschologically. It sounds like you need to get you ready, then worry about starting a family. First, get in shape. It really isn’t that much time and before work is a great way to do it. Just 3-4 days a week. Maybe try couch to 5k. Second, work on your emotional health. Really get your food issues under control (they are often driven by anxiety which is going to come out like crazy in wedding planning and pregnancy). Talking to someone really helps.

Then when you are ready, you see that it will be far less scary.I am saying this as someone with food issues who was horribly out of shape (and didn’t have time to work out 4 years ago). I am now in amazing shape, psychologically better, and am ready to start on the next stage. I am not looking forward to never having a flat stomach again (I like my ab lines and bikini body!), but it is no where near as scary as it was 5 years ago. 

Post # 5
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

TwinkleBoss:  You really need to speak to a mental professional about this unhealthy preoccupation you have. It’s not good. 

Post # 6
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

TwinkleBoss:  Dude. I can relate. For a long time I felt the way you are feeling and it was due to disordered eating and thinking. Have you been back to a therapist to discuss these feelings recently?

The people I know that have rebounded 100% from their weight gain are the same people who worked out/kept physically active pre-pregnancy, during and made it a point to stay committed to physical activity post-pregnancy. Sure, some weighty issues can be due to genetics but no one is programmed to be morbidly obese. You’ll need to manage your pregnancy and weight gain with the help of your physician. You don’t have to gain 100 lbs or 40 lbs or even 30 lbs. You need to gain as much as will support a healthy baby and for many women, that is about 25 lbs.

Talk to a therapist or counselor about your concerns. I do not think you are crazy but you need to do some hard work on your head so you can quiet the anxious thoughts before you worry about having kids in 2018 or beyond.

Post # 7
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with the pp’s, it sounds like you focus all of your issues on this one thing. I understand that having a background with eating disorders makes the idea of losing control so much harder, but if you’re spending so much energy on this now it’s probably best to talk to someone about these issues to get a better way of coping with them.

For what it’s worth, I have a background with eating disorders and gaining weight was definitely a concern I had before I became pregnant. Now, 24 weeks in, I can’t say I love adding on weight – but I’m doing it in a reasonable pace and it’s not as difficult to handle as I thought it would. Also, even though I was unlucky enough to have severe morning sickness, keep in mind that this does not apply to everyone! You might not have it at all, and then you can keep up more or less like normal. At the point I’m now, I’m not letting the pregnancy hold me back – I’m in the middle of house renovations and I get plenty of things done “despite my condition”. Sure, pregnancy isn’t my favourite thing, but it doesn’t have to equal 9 months of total misery!

Hope you can move past this hang-up and focus on your life as it is now, not dwell in the worries of what might come.

Post # 9
8379 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly I think you should speak to a professional. Yes, pregnancy is a scary thing, but I don’t think it’s healthy to be so consumed by thoughts of something that won’t be happening for at least 5 years.

Post # 10
3130 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

TwinkleBoss:  I think most of this stems from your ED. I know you said you had a bad experience in outpatient but find a therapist you can trust and start working on it

I know you say you are recovered but just because you are no longer starving yourself doesn’t mean your 100% better mentally. Nothing wrong with that ( recovering from EDs is HARD! There is a reason it has a super high mortality rate) but maybe just take some time to sort out your thoughts. 

Imagine how much happier you are going to be once you can free yourself from these negative thoughts!

Post # 11
5836 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ve struggled with eating disorders for several years now. A bit in high school, but mostly throughout my college years. I hit rock bottom in 2012 when I dropped down to 80 lbs, when I should be at least 95 lbs (4’11”). I had lost the weight dramatically, due to an awful break up with an ex, it nearly killed me. I was on the road to recovery when I met my then boyfriend (he’s now my husband). I weighed about 90-95 lbs when I met him, I was in shape, workingout (not excessively), strength training and seriously accepting my body for what it was, and just that I loved my body. But it was hard, it was hard accepting the fact that I was 95 lbs, but when I started gaining weight, and and hit 102 lbs, I was very seriously depressed. What I didn’t realize was I was nearly 5 weeks pregnant which is why I packed on the weight so quickly because according to my doctor I was severly underweight. My pregnancy was the ONLY time I ate healthily, worked on being healthy for my daughter, didn’t worry about calories. Of course I obssessed over every pound gained, I think I drove my now husband nuts with how much I complained about the weight gain. I ended up gaining 35 lbs in my pregnancy. I lost half of it when I gave birth. I lost the next 7 by walking everyday, but that last 10 lbs hung on until my supply dried up.

I look at my body – and sometimes I think it’s been destroyed. It’s obvious that I carried a baby. If the slight strech marks on the side of my stomach and the ones on my front don’t give it away, then the larger hips, slightly saggy boobs do. And it’s taken A LONG, LONG time for me to accept that my body is amazing. I carried a baby, I grew her, every single finger, toe, her heartbeat, I grew that. How can I be ashamed of what my body looks like now? No I’m not a model, and sure I have the obvious markers of carrying a baby, but I’ve finally accepted myself and that I am beautiful. My husband tells me that all the time, I created a life.

you shouldn’t be ashamed of what your body could look like. Sure it may or may not look the same. Mine looks like what I did before I gave birth with slight markers that I was pregnant. My stomach isn’t saggy really, it’s tightened back up and looks like what it did before. My hips are larger yes, I can’t even fit in the pants that I used to wear before I got pregnant despite weighing less. My waist is four inches larger than what it was before I got pregnant (my waist doubled in size). I look like I’ve had a baby, but I’ve also gone back to what I was before with some changes.

you have someone who loves you for you, focus on that, and the rest will resolve itself.  Sorry became a novel…

Post # 12
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I also think you should go back to counseling. This obsession is really not normal or healthy.

Have you looked into getting an IUD? They are amazing a literally as effective as sterilization and the copper ones are good for 10 years. They recommend them for women who haven’t had children, no problem. I love mine!!

As for running in the am, it adds about 45-60 minutes to my morning. I get up, throw on my stuff, leave directly from my house and do 3-4 miles around the neighborhood, take a quick rinse off in the shower, and I’m good to go. It doesn’t have to be a 2 hour process. I get up at 630 and am ready to roll out of the house by 745, coffee and quick brekky in hand. 

Post # 13
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

TwinkleBoss:  I’m pregnant right now, had major body image issues (some I am not comfortable discussing on boards, but please know I understand your mindset for sure and you can PM if you’d like!). I’ve learned over the years to be healthy and active and not treat my body, my mind, or my heart so terribly. Being pregnant for sure is hard on your body, especially when you have a history of an ED, but I think right now, rather than being so terrified of getting pregnant, you should speak to someone who can help you focus on something much more important: yourself!

When you get married or decide to be physically intimate, I suggest you try a form of birth control. It will put your mind at ease, at least some and will give you time to get yourself in a place where you are healthy, happy, and both mentally and physically ready to start a family.

As for being active while pregnant, during lunch I run (or jog, or walk, depending on how I physically feel) for about 30 minutes and then grab lunch and head back to my office to shower and eat. I never ever force myself if I am too tired or not feeling well. Also, on the weekends, I walk through the park, run lots of errands, and try to keep myself as busy as possible. I may not be spending 2 hours at the gym, but all of those little things add up and I’m not stressing myself or my baby out while doing them. 

I hope this helps some.

Post # 14
9566 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hmmm…I get pregnancy is scary.  I have a 4 month old and it was pretty scary early on (not knowing what to expect and all) and it’s a little scary to not know what your body will look like afterwards.  But I think your obsession about it (especially since you’re not anywhere near getting pregnant) it pretty unhealthy so I would go back to counseling.

Post # 15
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

TwinkleBoss:  You poor girl! Honestly, if you’re THIS scared and you are not even currently sexually active, I think you should talk to a therapist. It doesn’t sound healthy to obsess over something that MAY happen far in the future, but is not an imperative, and is certainly in no danger of happening right now.

The other thing you should know is – if you don’t want to be pregnant, you don’t have to. You know that, right? It’s not like a fear of getting old or getting wrinkles, which also change your body but are inevitable. If you don’t want to go through pregnancy, it’s OK to choose not to because it’s your body. You can adopt or not have kids at all. Just make sure your fiance knows now that you may never want to have biological children with him.

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