(Closed) Please help – invited to the wedding but no invite?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?
    Don't do anything unless she contacts you (don't contact her again and don't attend the wedding) : (25 votes)
    54 %
    Send her another message (I don't have her phone number) : (19 votes)
    41 %
    Just show up at the wedding (she did tehnically invite me on Facebook) : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Other? (please leave a comment) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 4
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I wouldn’t contact her about it anymore, because of the risk of making an already awkward situation more awkward. She said you’d be given an invite, you contacted her a week beforehand, and now it’s time to let it go. Maybe something came up and she found she couldn’t invite you and didn’t want to even bring up the topic. Or, if you are still invited, she never got back to you, and it would be wrong for you to assume you’re invited and show up.

    Post # 5
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Maybe things have changed and she had to cut back on the guest list?  I’m gonna try to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that either the invite got lost in the mail or she’s too embarassed to let you know that they had to make some changes to the wedding and now can’t invite everyone they originally wanted to.  With the wedding a week away, I wouldn’t be surprised if she were too busy to even check her messages.  Sorry!

    Post # 6
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Bummer… but yeah I’d assume the invitation was void at this point.  I think it’s still totally cool to get a small gift like a gift card and send it to her though!

    Post # 7
    11272 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    it sounds like she may have spoken too soon. 

    if she has your address and you haven’t received an invite yet, perhaps the guest list has been changed.  if you were expected and it’s so close to the wedding, she would be calling for missing rsvps already.  i can imagine she is maybe ignoring your fb message b/c she is embarrassed.

    i would disregard it.

    Post # 9
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Lost in the mail is a very real possibility.  My aunt and uncle have never received an invite to my bro’s wedding; it’s literally lost out there somewhere.


    Post # 10
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    PS – that particular invite was posted and destined for the lower mainland. 

    Post # 11
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Because she has already invited you twice — verbally and via FB, and because she recently asked for your address to mail the invitation to you, and also because I had one of my own invitations become lost in the mail because the person herself provided me with the wrong zipcode (she accidentally gave me her work zipcode with her home address), I think you should contact her again via a FB message (since you seem to have no other way of contacting her) and politely say something such as:

    “Hi! I’m sure with your wedding just a week away now that you really have your hands full!  I hope all is going well for you!

    “I am SO sorry to bother you. However, since you recently asked for my address so that you could mail an invitation to me, I just wanted to let you know that I still have not received it.

    “I don’t know if, perhaps, you ended up having to cut back on your guest list at the last minute, or if maybe my invitation has gotten lost in the mail. I feel a bit awkward contacting you about this; however, I just wanted to make sure you knew that you haven’t heard back from me not because I don’t want to attend but because I haven’t yet received the invitation. Could you please let me know the situation so that I am able to respond properly if you did still intend to invite me? Either way, I just want you to know that I am so happy for you and (her FI’s name here) as you begin your new life together!”

    Post # 12
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I hate to be the one to ask this, but do you know for sure that the wedding is still occurring?

    I’m in a similar situation.  In Nov/Dec a friend emailed me and several others asking for our addresses to send Save-The-Date Cards for her June wedding.  I never received a STD.  “Whatever, maybe she just decided to send invitations only,” I thought.  I located their wedding registries via Google and looked forward to getting an invite.  It recently occurred to me that I still haven’t received an invitation (wedding date is next month).  Lo and behold, when I searched for their registries again, they had been removed from the stores’ websites.

    I’m not sure how to address this with my friend.  She and I aren’t very close, and if it was simply a matter of having to reduce the guest list, I wouldn’t be offended (though it’s in poor taste to have asked for addresses for such a purposes).  The registry removal thing is suspicious, though.

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