(Closed) Please help, is this rude?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Not rude, I’m not inviting my cousins kids and they range in age from 2 to 22. On the inner envelope you just put the names of the guests that are invited. They should get the message.

Post # 4
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would say just don’t write “plus guests” on the invitation or anything that would let them thing they should bring the child. Just address it to the couple and that’s it.

Good luck!

Post # 5
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As said before, just put the name of your cousin and his wife on the envelope – so not. “Family Jones”. I would also talk about it with the people involved in the bridal party, so that they know what to tell guests in case of questions.

Post # 6
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve read that it’s rude to pick and choose what kids you allow. You can do what the others suggested but that doesn’t mean they will listen. I have gotten an invitation that said no children and I found that odd and rude. It also had the registry information on there! I don’t have kids but I still didn’t think it was right.

Is it rude to not want kids there? Not at all. It’s your wedding. But just be prepared if they show up.

Post # 7
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Simple. Just address it to the actual people invited and have Adult Reception inside on the bottom of the invitation. The children included are in the Bridal Party, so you don’t even have to mention them at all. Who would be insulted if the kids in the wedding are there anyway?

Post # 8
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am doing the same for my wedding. I will be putting ” __ seats reserved in your honor/for your party/whatever,” as well as, addressing the invite to the parents. Hopefully that will clear any confusion.

ETA: Adult reception will be written somewhere, too.

Post # 10
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It is not necessarily rude per se.

It is ALL about how you do it that will or will not make it appear rude.

There is nothing wrong with having an Adults Only Reception… and you can write that on your Recption Cards / Invites as follows “Adult Reception to follow”

Gernerally speaking the Wedding Ceremony itself is OPEN to all… (because “technically” a house of worship is supposed to be a Welcoming Place for all).  So there is a good chance that you’d have kiddies there no matter what… be they from your Relatives or Friends attending.

And then no Kiddies at the Adult Reception (except for those in the Wedding Party for the “meal” portion).  You would have to have a chat with those Parents as well… letting them know that as of say 8 PM it would be the Adults Only (as per the wording on your Invites / Reception Cards… “Adult Reception Only”)

Of course, you could have NO KIDS whatsoever at the entire Wedding and Reception… the first step to doing that is having the Invitation Envelopes clearly marked for WHO is invited (Mr & Mrs Robert Jones)… and then follow it up with the RSVP Cards, that you have pre-marked as

___ of   2  Guests WILL BE / WILL NOT BE Attending (please circle)

And of course you’d have to have a sit-down with the Parents of those in the Bridal Party explainging that there will be NO KIDS WHATSOEVER at the Reception… and that you’ve made arrangements for the tykes to be babysat / entertained / fed elsewhere

As for the issue of the 14 year old… and whether you wish to include them / consider them an Adult.  Well that is up to you.

As the Host of a social gathering, YOU get to decide what type of event it is you are having, and who the Guest List will and will not include… and where that cut-off point is… 14 and above, 16 and above, 18 and above, etc.

My main advice, tho is WHATEVER you choose to do in regards to this issue with kiddies, that you (a) are consistent, and (b) you get the word out to the key players (Both sets of Parents, and the Bridal Party)… so EVERYONE knows ahead of time and is on the same page…

Because, I can assure you that there will be Questions raised… WHY ?  WHY NOT ?  And HOW COME ????

And a word of warning… if you back-down for one, you can expect the whole thing to come tumbling down around you in utter chaos, as others try to wrangle their way as well.

Good luck,

Hope this helps,


Post # 11
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

There is nothing rude about that at all.  Specify “adult” and you should be fine. 

Post # 12
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’ll probably have my cousin’s kid as the flower girl & since my cousin is coming from across the country, I will not say “she can be our flower girl but she can’t come to the reception.” She’ll be the only kid there & I’m SURE some of my other cousins won’t be happy that their children aren’t allowed to come but oh well. It’s my wedding & my cousins won’t pay anyone else any attention if their kids are there, that’s just how they are. If the kids come with them, they might as well not even come because they’ll be chasing the kids & worried about them all night, I’d be lucky to get a “congrats!”

Post # 13
6222 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think everyone is getting confused because of how you worded it, but I think your aunt and other family members WILL be offended if you don’t invite your first cousins. Just make sure this is really what you want. Could you have a talk with your aunt that they have to be on their best behavior, and not seat them together? In my family this would be more trouble than it’s worth. 

Post # 14
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Children in the wedding party are excused from the “adults only” thing. Just address your invitations to the specific people invited, and if people start adding guests/their kids, call them ASAP and let them know that you can only accommodate those whose names are on the invites.

Post # 15
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

you don’t need to include wording about who IS NOT invited, just simply address the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. X.  That implies they are the only 2 invited!

Post # 16
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Do you have a wedding website?  You can clarify there as well.  The only children that we’re inviting are the 4 that are in the wedding party.  We would have up to 21 children under the age of 8 if we opened it up to everyone.  In addition to being clear on the invites, we wrote in the FAQs section of the website

“With the exception of those in the wedding party, we are not extending the invitation to children.”

We’re hoping that this prepares people ahead of time to expect some kids there but to not be offended that theirs weren’t invited.

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