- 2 months ago
I just wanted to know how everyone would respond being in a relationship with the following kind of person:
First a little background info
- Together for 5.5 years
- Engaged for 1.5 years
- Wedding was organised and then cancelled due mainly to the reasons listed below
- We are in our late 20s early 30s so we are a little old for this behaviour
– Anytime you try to have a serious discussion, it turns into a war because he immediately assumes you are taking a jab at him, putting him down etc, or he says things like ‘’you are starting a fight, you are being a trouble maker’’ which then obviously frustrates me as I feel I am unable to bring up anything that I want to talk about, it then always escalates into me being usually being called names (I then call him names) he then ignores me for days or even a week or two at which time if I don’t initiate contact, he will contact me saying “its over we need to go our separate ways’’ this is his standard response and it happens on a very regular basis
– He does not see how the above is not healthy nor production
– He calls me very degrading names such as sl*t and then NEVER apologises as he says ‘’im not apologising, that would be me enabling you” like what??? He actually never apologises to me for any of the things he has done/said to me and instead constantly looks for excuses as to why it was okay, if I then don’t fall for it, I get ignored for days and then receive his standard break up msg. He is also very spiteful. (An example of this is last week he was calling me a sl*t so I said to him you do not have any respect nor treat me well, I can see that you aren’t serious and wont rebook a wedding and then hung up on him, he didn’t speak to me again until the next day when he sends me a msg saying, im ordering dinner do you want to come over and eat?? IS HE SERIOUS??? When I asked him about whether that shows me respect his response was ‘’I tried to invite you over’’
– Because of his hot headness in the past (and probably present) he has been quick to play victim to those around him thus then making them have an opinion about me (may I mention they have never bothered to make any effort to get to know me). When I bring it up I get told that ‘’I deserve to have people talk shit about me’’ I am no longer welcome at any family events, even if he says im coming, they tell him shes not welcome
– Now those around him think its okay to talk badly about me and create lies about me, which he does nothing about and instead defends their behaviour. He also believes I should be the one to make the situation better between everyone. In my opinion I am not responsible to fix a situation I did not create however as per always he believes I created the situation. This is something that is deeply upsetting as I am constantly being accused of something I have not done and constantly being made to feel like I deserve it or its warranted.
- He now tells me that we cant move forward and continue our relationship unless I sit down with his family to discuss everything. When he says sit down what he really means is, me against 5 of his family members telling me ‘’what their issue with me is’’ so in other words a gang up fest and if I dare defend myself everything will be blamed on me again.
My concern is, I am sick of being targeted, he wants me to jump through hoops for him when he doesn’t even show respect me for. I am also concerned that even IF I was to sit down with his family, it wont be good enough, it will then be noooo I need to see you make an effort in order for us to move forward, no you havnt done enough etc I feel like he is constantly moving the goal posts and is looking for any reason to not rebook.
I feel like he wants me to do all of these things for him but then last night tells me ‘’just go just leave me alone, no I don’t love you’’ why would I even think of doing anything for him when that’s what he does to me, I feel like he does it to get a rise out of me on purpose
The list could probably go on and on however these I guess are the main points. I don’t think that this behaviour is productive in a relationship and it makes me very upset as any time I try to point it out everything escalates.
What are everyone’s thoughts? Am I being manipulated? Am I having my time wasted? Should I go meet up with his family even though I know im walking into an ambush?
I do not think im a bad person (and at times he can be very good also) however its not easy as I feel I am constantly having my feelings ignored and I’m just a pawn in someone’s game. I am at my wits end. I hope everyone can please be kind in their responses as this is something that is deeply effecting me.