Please help me, am i being played with?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

You don’t need a man to be happy. I think it’s worth taking the time off from this man to reevaluate what you can do for yourself to achieve said happiness before thinking of finding a good man. If I were you, I’d rather be single and self sufficient than in a potential marriage with a guy that disrespects me.

Post # 79
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@littlecookie:  new to the thread but not a stranger to the situation. I’m sorry you’re going through this Bee.

 

I spent nearly 7yrs with an abusive prick who could be very loving and helpful which kept me in the cycle for a long time. I slowly lost friendships and relationships because I lost my identity in the relationship.

The part you’re in now is the absolute hardest. Leaving is difficult, but rebuilding who you want to be can feel unbearable at times. You can do it, each thing you do that you are able to do without his drama, rules, eggshells will make you feel whole. 

The first thing I remember doing was hanging up some curtains. A simple task, but it was the first time I didn’t have someone grabbing the drill out of my hand under the guise of being helpful. Slowly I made my way through the movies he hated because he hated an actress, and hiked the many acres behind our home that he never would because he hated the outdoors. 

Do whatever you need to, some days that will be crying and re-reading old texts. Worrying you’re a pitiful person. It will be tough, but it will be worth it. I’ve been “free” from that soggy piece of lettuce’s grip for 8 beautiful years. I don’t miss him one bit, and the things I’ve done (bike solo across the country, go back to school, move 20+hrs away from family, start my own business) they honestly surprise me. Because 8 yrs ago, I felt like a boring person who always seemed to be in the wrong with the person I loved.

 

 You’ve got this, stay plugged in here!

Post # 81
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@littlecookie:  girl, sometimes my advice may come across a bit harsh, but please stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve got time on your hands to keep busy.  You’re lonely and bored, start a hobby, business side hustle, learn about art, music, history, anything! There are so many resources out there to better yourself and pick yourself up. I’m also alone in a tiny studio with no friends, family is across the country and am starting a business just this week. I also just went through a break up with the man I thought I was gonna marry. I refuse to let that break me. Yes, I’ve felt lonely but I’m doing everything possible to deal with it and keep going. Stay strong x

Post # 82
Member
4185 posts
Honey bee

Why the fuck would you even consider having children with this asshoke and subject them to a lifetime of abuse?

Post # 83
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

Bee, as someone who just escaped a physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, I can tell you that his tactics are very similar to some of my exes.

I read a book called “why does he do that?” that helped me understand a lot and break the cycle of trying to fix things. I hope you consider reading it as I think it would help you too. 

Post # 84
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@littlecookie:  I typed a response earlier today but it didn’t seem to appear so here I am again!

I’ve been in the exact same situation as you as well as a first-generation immigrant. I too lived alone with no close friends or family so I totally understand how that can feel lonely and your thoughts can get the better of you. We are very lucky in this day and age that we have the internet to help us, so first of all it is great that you are able to reach out for some help in a forum like this.

I agree with a lot of points from PP actually, there is a lot you can do to start building a life for yourself without thinking of his input. For me, it was as simple as downloading a social app for interest groups and going on a few organised outings on there such as a language exchange meetup, or a social rock-climbing gathering just to give a few examples and I thought of it purely as a way to build a life for myself in a new place without depending on just that one person.

The hardest part is to take the first step to leave and there are definiitely going to be days where you cry over walking way, but I promise you when you finally find happiness on your own you will see with extreme clarity the abuse you have been living in when you look back.

You can definitely do it! This was all 4 years ago for me now and I too was in my late 20s. That first step I made led me to meeting my fiance and I do not ever regret walking away from the toxic relationship.

Post # 85
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Is there anything preventing you from moving? If I were you I’d consider job searching in an area you have a friend or family member and rebuilding your life.

Post # 90
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@littlecookie:  Hey I’m an Aussie immigrant 🙂 I can pm you the app if you’re interested. Don’t ever think it’s too late, you have a lifetime ahead of you! It’s better to make the wise choice now than to realise after marriage and kids because the implications are worse then. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors