(Closed) please help me bees having mother/wedding problems ; (

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll:
    try to be nice and let her think shes getting her way. : (7 votes)
    39 %
    tell her to go to hell stand your ground shes not paying a dime you are! : (11 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    @HisNightOwl2014:  She probably is having a hard time as much because she wants to be involved in this part of your life as because she feels she missed out, and if she senses you pushing her away, that’s probably making it worse.

    I would try to be gentle and patient with her (but firm). Would it be so bad to let her come along to look at dresses, as long as you were clear with her beforehand that the decision rests with you?

    You know your mother better than anyone on the Bee, of course. If she’s really being difficult just for the sheer joy of being difficult, maybe you can say, “I don’t understand why you don’t seem to be happy for me/supportive of this. If something is bothering you, would you like to talk about it? And if you’re really against the whole idea of a wedding, would you prefer to simply not be involved?” Try to keep your tone of voice neutral, and try really hard to listen to what she has to say. Good luck to you!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @KCKnd2:  I agree!

    I bet your mom doesnt want to miss out on anything and really wants to be a part of your wedding! 

    Is there a task you can give her?  Something to keep her occupied and foccused on?  I know my mom really wanted to be involved (and I wanted her to be), so I told her I really needed her to find me blue shoes, and i couldnt belive it, she found me the perfect pair of blue shoes!!!  I was so happy and so was she 🙂  She also came to help with my wedding dress and all the fittings and helped up decide on a place

    Post # 5
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Future Mrs K:  That’s a fantastic idea – put her “in charge” of some aspect that you’d rather not deal with/don’t have strong opinions about/maybe falls into one of her areas of expertise? She’ll be happy, and busy, and (ideally) give you a little space on some of the other stuff.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    @HisNightOwl2014:  How much does it matter to you to have bridesmaids’ dresses that you pick? Maybe you could get around this by choosing a color/length/etc. and asking your ladies to choose their own dress. I’m doing this with mine – I said please find a green dress, but it could be any shade of green and style of dress that fit their bodies, their budgets, and their personal preferences. (I did ask them to email me a picture of what they wanted to get before they pulled the trigger, and there was a little bit of horse trading to find stuff that would harmonize all around, but in the end they are happy and I’m happy!)

    Of course, your mom might criticize a decision to do it that way … but you could tell her that it’s the trendy thing to do right now. My sister actually knows the CEO of Weddington Way (a bridesmaids’ dress supplier), and she told her that it’s actually become more common in the past year or two to have unmatched bridesmaids’ dresses than to have all the same one.

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