(Closed) Please help me brainstorm ways to overcome DH performance anxiety!

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

A bee on this blog mentioned to have intercourse without letting him know its time. She said she stopped talking about it and  would just seem very very in the mood on those days. He was completely clueless to it. I thought it was pretty good advice, and when I begin trying I will be follwoing it- hope this helped 🙂  

Post # 3
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

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hud2015:  This is so common and something my DH and I struggled with for a few months. My DH sounds much like yours – he tends to “get in his own head”, psyche himself out, and worry that he will let me down. 

The first thing we did was talk about it. He was so embarrassed and I felt terrible for him, but it is important for him to know it isn’t HIS fault if I don’t get pregnant this month. I reminded him that even with great timing, we only have a 20% chance of conceiving. I think this took some of the pressure off of him knowing that it isn’t entirely up to him. 

Secondly, he went to the doctor just to make sure something more serious wasn’t going on. I suspected it was 100% psychological, which it was, but he still wanted to get checked out for his peace of mind.

Third, we started with more foreplay and intimacy rather than just “going at it”. It turns out that giving me full body massages turns him on (I really can’t complain!) and is a distraction from the “job”. Find out his turn on and distraction! 

Another tip – not sure how you feel about visual stimulation (aka porn), but it helped to get things going a few times when we’re both exhausted! Hope this helps. 

Post # 5
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

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hud2015:  The doctor did a full panel of bloodwork to check hormone levels and overall health, which all came back perfect or close to it, so ultimately his diagnosis was TTC anxiety. The doctor didn’t really offer any suggestions or treatments (to my knowledge). We pretty much just had to figure out what works and doesn’t work! There have been some nights where he really struggles to get going which is where the porn and massage really helps out. I mean, I’m not thrilled about the idea of our child being conceived to porn lol but 12 months into this, I’m willing to try anything that works! 

Post # 6
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would Try not to tell him much about fertile times, OpK, cm etc. its really hard for men to not feel a lot of pressure of they know they might let you down etc.

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