Post # 1
I’m a waiting bee, but it’s kind of a complicated situation – the planning has begun before the actual proposal. At least as far as my parents and I are concerned.
So my mom and I found my perfect wedding dress. She paid for the dress. She also bought a veil and a crystal headband without even asking me if I wanted them!
I honestly don’t remember much about the veil. It had a beaded edge that looked nice enough with my dress – I’ve always liked lace veils, but honestly that might look too busy with my dress, so the beading is okay. I’m hoping it’s at least fingertip length, because that’s what I really dreamed of. The store had to order it, so we’ll find out when it comes in.
But I really didn’t want a headband. The more I think about it, the more dismayed I am. I really had my heart set on a flower hair accessory. I fall in love every time I see an updo with a beautiful flower. The Mister really wanted a flower too (yes, he has opinions about these things!). I keep looking for headband styles in hopes I’ll find something beautiful, but the best I’ve ever gotten is an “Oh, that might be okay.” It’s just not “me.”
The store has a no-return policy. I’d have to find a way to sell the veil/headband, which will probably mean a loss of money for my mom. She totally had her heart set on me wearing a headband on my wedding day. I’m not sure why. But it will not be easy to talk her out of it, especially now that she’s paid for it.
So should I just grin and bear it? Find a hairstyle that will work? Or try to have it my way?
And how can I talk to her without offending her?
(P.S. If anyone has pictures of headband styles they really love, they’d be much appreciated…)
Post # 3
I think just have a serious talk with her about buying things for you to wear without even consulting with you. Have you ever, at any time, indicated that you would want to wear a headband?
Honestly, only you can judge how far you want to push this, but if you really want a particular hairstyle/ornament, then let your mother know that, much as you appreciate her gesture and how excited she is for your wedding, the headband just isn’t your style and you don’t really feel comfortable wearing it.
Post # 4
@LadyElva: A few days before she bought the headband, we went to see a musical together that included a wedding scene. The bride wore a big old-fashioned dress and a big old-fashioned headband. My mother turned to me and said, “You should look just like that on your wedding day. Headband and everything.” I just kind of smiled and nodded because we were in the middle of a musical and I didn’t want to talk. Maybe she took that as a yes.
Post # 5
Here are some pics of the headband. Now that I look at it again, it’s not all bad – it is a floral design, at the very least, and it’s decorated with daisies – my favorite flower and the Mister’s nickname for me. So I guess it does have some sentimental value. It’s not as wonderful as a flower accessory, but it’s doable.
Sorry about the enormous pictures – I don’t know how to resize them.
Post # 6
It’s your day, you should wear exactly what you want! That said, your mom was probably just trying to be nice, and she was AMAZING enough to buy your dress. I think you just have to be really honest with her that you don’t feel your best wearing the pieces that she picked out, and offer to do the work of selling them. If there is a loss, maybe you can offer to pay the difference? Chances are she won’t take you up on it (well I don’t know her maybe she will), but at least you offered. Just remember that weddings are a lot of change for moms too. My mom started acting crazy (making everyone leave my shower early lol; trying to be the center of attention), and she finally just broke down and confessed that it was a big change and she felt like she was losing me to a grown up life. I think the headband is cute, but You should have what YOU pictured for your day.
Post # 7
Yeah, I agree – do what you feels right for you on your day. But before you sell it off, could you maybe work it into engagement photos, or during some portion of the reception? Like the after party or something, so that way it at least gets used? I know she meant well, it was very sweet that she wanted to help! My mother didn’t even want to come to my wedding dress ventures because we live a bridge, a tunnel and six freeways apart! LOL
Post # 8
@Suerte: That is an excellent idea! And I’m sure she meant well, too, now that I think about it. Thank you for bringing that up. 🙂
Maid/Matron of Honor has convinced me to put off selling the headband until I can see both hairstyles in real life with the dress and veil. She really likes the headband, especially on me (whatever that means). I’m not violently opposed to the headband. It matches the dress well and the daisy thing is cute. Maybe the flower will end up being impractical, like the lace veil? We’ll see what happens. I think, once I decide on one for the wedding day, I will take Suerte’s advice and do the other for engagement pictures!