- 6 years ago
I’m fairly new to the hive, but I decided to post anonymously since Fiance knows I post here on a regular basis.
I feel like crap for feeling the way I do. Please tell me if this is normal to feel this way and how to get over it.
Ok, here goes:
Been dating Fiance for ~3years now, living together for 2. I love him more than life itself and I would NEVER in a million years consider anyone else for my future. He’s my best friend, my lover, my number one fan and supporter. This isn’t about my feelings for him, I’m more in love with him today than yesterday and tomorrow it will only get stronger.
I met Fiance 2 weeks after I broke up w/ my ex (X f/m hereon out). X and I dated for a year and I fell for him harder than I ever fell for anyone, until I met Fiance. X was amazing at first, planning the most romantic dates and anyway that he could think of to make me happy. Long story short, that ended within the first few months and we started to fight a lot because I felt like he was putting himself and his friends before me. I kept bringing up little things that he did that made me hurt and feel like I was number 6 in his life (with friends, video games, himself, etc all coming before me). He didn’t get it and didn’t change. We broke up and spoke for about a month after until I said that we could no longer be friends for two reasons (1) he said it hurt him that I was still friends w my exes (something that he NEVER told me in the rel and admitted that he had bad communnication problems) so I didn’t want to hurt my Fiance the same way (and cut out all my exes immediately once X toldme that’s how he had felt during the rel) and (2) I didn’t think I would get over him if we con’t to talk.
About a year after, I spoke to X – this is about a year and a half ago. We had a conversation online and “caught up” – basically telling me he had a new position in his job, that he had been depressed when he was with me, and now he’s so much happier, that he stayed at home for like 4 months after we broke up “getting over me” and was now “out of debt” because of it, that he tried to date a girl but she broke up with him bc he couldn’t stop talking to me, essentially telling me that no one would ever compare to me. It wasn’t about getting me back, we had no talks about ever getting back together. But, although I was w/ Fiance at the time (and I made sure to tell X this), I didn’t stress to X how AMAZING Fiance is to me and how much better I am doing now. And… it’s driving me crazy.
Then, my friend who is FB friends w/ X told me X just got into a rel. I got pissed. I got pissed because I want him to know that I’m doing amazingly well right now. That I’m SO happy and that my Fiance is the best man in the world and that he will never compare. I don’t know why I need to tell him this, but it drives me insane (and it has for a year and a half now) that he might possibly think that I wasn’t fully over him and that he might be better than my Fiance, because no way in hell is that true. But, why do I care? Why does this matter to me? I know I have the best and I would never in a million years ever get back with X. I don’t want to be friends with him because the reality is that we were never really friends to begin with. So, why do I even care? I actually made a joke to my friend that once Fiance gave me a ring (call him Fiance b/c we’re wedding planning, but he hasn’t given me a ring and official romantic proposal or whatnot, but said it was coming), I was going to put it as my FB profile pic and then friend request X. We all laughed, but .. I totally wasn’t kidding lol.. I really want to do that.
I also really don’t want to hurt Fiance. He’s so understanding.. when we first got together, the first few months revolved around helping me get over X, including countless nights crying into his arms OVER ANOTHER MAN. Ugh, it kills me that that’s how the beg of our rel was. Everyone said Fiance was just going to be a rebound and, well, 3 years later we’re still going strong. If for whatever reason Fiance and I ever didn’t make it, there isn’t a single ex in my life I’d go back to, but X would definitely be at the bottom of the list. He made me feel so unloved, I could never be with a man like that.
So why do I care that X knows I’m still with the same man I started dating 2 weeks after X and I broke up (he knew about that and said he was so hurt that I started dating so quickly – yea, well, I was so hurt he prefered to hang out with his guy friends than see me only 4 months into the rel) and that the relationship is so incredible and strong?
Anyone else feel this way? How do I get over it? I’ve cut X out of my life, but can’t stop thinking about it sometimes. There are still tons of things that remind me of X because we live so close to each other and because our jobs are intertwined, although I am not FB friends w/ him, I’m not friends w/ him on gchat or AIM, I don’t ever bump into him.. It’s been 3 years, why do I still care that he knows I’m with someone better?
Sorry it’s so long.. please be kind with your words. If I’m being a total asshole, tell me, but tell me in a nice way.. Thanks.