(Closed) Please help me get over this – Sorry for the anon and long post

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think…you might still not be COMPLETELY over X.  You need to just let it go, because dwelling on it will only hurt your current relationship.  

Post # 5
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@anonybee20:  Write an email to him and then post it here.  We’ll tear it apart for you, and then you DO NOT SEND IT.

Go for a run and think about the reasons you love your Fiance.

Go lay by the pool (doesn’t everyone have a pool lol) and read your favorite book.  Make up a story about how the main character doesn’t end up with the person he/she is supposed to because he/she contacted an ex (because obviously everyone’s favorite book has a love story) and then consider how you wouldn’t like that book anymore.  

Post # 7
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@anonybee20:  Just…DO.NOT.SEND.IT!!!!!!!  The goal is your own catharsis, not a rekindling of any kind of relationship.

I don’t have a pool.  I know there are a few community pools but then…so many people…  We just spent a week in the Outer Banks with a pool, though…sigh.  I miss it.  Though not the drama of my future inlaws.  Oh goodness.


Post # 8
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


how do I let it go? I feel like I can’t let it go until I talk to him and flaunt it in his face what a terrible Boyfriend or Best Friend he was and how much better Fiance is.

What will that accomplish?  It will hurt your X, and even though you have a desire to do this right now, after you do, I bet you’ll feel aweful and guilty, because it IS a mean thing to do. You don’t sound like a vendictive person, so why would you want to go that far?  You have to ask yourself how your actions will affect everyone around you, including yourself. 

Taking the higher road is hard. But it’s the right thing to do.  You love your Fiance, you’re happy. LIVE IN THE PRESENT. 

Let go of the past… and to let go of it, you don’t need to dredge up things that happened over three years ago.  All that would do is show your X you feel something. Because it takes emotion to want to hurt someone.  And if your current Fiance found out, he’d be asking himself why, after all these years, you are still thinking about X.  Just be happy your X has moved on, and be happy that here you are, about to marry the ONE. 

It doesn’t take anymore action to let go than to breath. 

Take a deep breath, and think about your Fiance, how much you love him. How it makes you almost burst with joy to love and be loved.  Now think about your X and exhale. Let it go. 

Now take a step forward and never look back.


Post # 9
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, when you’re really and truly over someone, you don’t typically obsess over flaunting your newfound happiness in their face.  Have you ever heard the term “living well is the best revenge?”  It is.  If you are honestly, truly happy and satisfied in your current relationship, you won’t feel the need to lord it over anyone else. I’d sit down and think long and hard about why just being happy where you are in life right now isn’t enough. 

Post # 10
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Peachacid has it sooooooo right! Don’t contact him!

Post # 11
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

I don’t understand what the point of contacting X would be, unless you still have feelings for him and you are wanting for him to be envious or want for him to desire you again?  Hmmmm….trying to understand. 

Post # 13
4371 posts
Honey bee

If X means nothing to you, why would it matter what he thought about you? I think you may still have some unresolved feelings for him that you need to work out/get over.

Post # 14
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

no matter what your words are – the action of contacting him says very simply “I’m not over you.”   You don’t want him to think that, right?  Just keep that in mind.

Post # 15
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ok, so I’m going to try and spin it the opposite direction, and I think this can work well, but only if you truly are over X. 

Think about what a terrible boyfriend he was. Now think about how unlikely it is that he will completely change and become a perfect boyfriend. Think about how much hurt and drama he will go through in his life. Compare all that to your blissful relationship. Now, X said you had been very important to him, you probably still are. If he thinks you might miss him, you might have had trouble getting over him, this is something that will make him feel good. Not at your expense though, he will never be able to hurt what you have. That good feeling would only affect him, possibly help him cheer up when he’s going through hard times or feeling rejected. How good is that karma, huh? Through no harm or detriment to you, by not telling him how poorly you think of him, you might allow him to have a slightly better day. But by telling him things to take him down a peg, you will actually be bringing harm to someone else without any greater good. It doesn’t have to be you against him. Let him have this small concession, as a fellow human being with fragile emotions. 

On the other hand, he might not be thinking that at all, but if you send him that message, you might put the idea in his head. After all – he would think – if you’re so blissfully happy, why would you even care that he knows?…. unless you’re overcompensating

Post # 16
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

Living well is the best and most satisfying revenge.


You’re clearly not over him if you have such a strong urge to show him.  You need to get over that like… yesterday.

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