- 8 years ago
I need some help. I am so enraged and I’m not sure if my rage is justified and I’m certain I’m not being logical and mature in my actions. I went on vacation last week, I was gone 10 days and came home relaxed. I went a visited my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend and we drove cross country and back home. Every day I spoke to my Fiance and everything seemed fine. I had that womens intuition feeling on Sunday night but tried to ignore it. Last night my Fiance came over to bring me some candy and flowers etc and I hugged him and I just felt something was off. I felt it! I didn’t say anything and hugged and kissed him goodbye. Today he picked me up to go grocery shopping for a trip we are taking this weekend. We went to his apartment first for him to change he’d just played baseball and was a mess. I stopped at his door and just felt it. I said “Tell me what you did this week”. He was taking off his shoes and stopped and looked up at me and said I saw (we will call her Satan). I was floored, I knew it. I knew I could feel it and I just didn’t want to ask. Satan is his ex gf of 3 years who cheated on him. She messaged him 3 weeks ago saying he looked good etc and he told me about it. I let it go because she is just a monster and does this crap from time to time. I immediately turned and walked away I walked up the street just to cool off so I wouldn’t explode right then. I came back and sat on his porch waiting for him. He came out and I didn’t speak we got in the car and I asked that he take me home, he began to protest and I spoke loudly to “Take me to my home right NOW”. Once home I had a mild bout of temper and threw my tickets for this weekends concert at him and told him to take Satan because I wasn’t going. I also took the coat he gave me for christmas from the rack and told him I’m sure it would fit her and to get out. He protested and I asked a few questions to try and rationalize this and calm myself but it came up that she called him cute multiple times and I exploded and told him to leave right then before I lost my temper. He did leave and called me once he got home. We spoke for a bit and I was very mad and upset. I asked him what they did when she came over and he said nothing they just talked but then he told me they hung out another day and they went to a town nearby and they went to OUR restaurant and ate dinner. HE TOOK HER TO OUR DAMN PLACE and he paid. At that point I told him it was over and I just couldn’t deal with this that I saw no solution. We spoke for quite a while after this but I just don’t have any idea what to do. I don’t want to have to wonder every day if he is responding to her texts. I don’t want to have to check his phone, I don’t want to have to monitor his life. I want it to be like it was where he could see anyone and tell me and I shrugged it off because I trusted him and he told me before I had to ask. I HAD TO FREAKING ASK! That’s what is killing me. If it was nothing as he says then he would have told me while I was gone, he wouldn’t have hidden it. He says he wanted to tell me to my face and not while I was gone but if it was nothing he would have told me while I was gone. He wouldn’t have even told me, I had to ask because it was killing me, I KNEW something was up. he says nothing happened and that she forced a hug before she left but I am just so enraged. I have no idea what to do. I hate this girl, I loathe her absolutely and I don’t hate anyone. She cheated on him after 3 years. She ran back to him everytime whatever guy she was dating treated her bad and used my Fiance to make herself feel better and now that he has a nice car and home and a good job she’s around all of the sudden wanting to be “friends”. I want to punch her in the face, I wont because I don’t advocate violence but I would love to smack her straight across the face. I also strongly want to shake the hell out of my Fiance. I am so uncharicalistically angry I am absolutely enraged. Fiance asked me to just sleep and try talking tomorrow he thinks my temper will have simmered by then and I’m sure I wont be screaming mad but I’m not sure. It’s not even that he saw her it’s that he didn’t tell me immediately. I can’t even express how full of rage I am. He took her to our place, our restaurant, our thing. It’s ruined. She’s been in my seat in his car, she’s sat on my couch. She drank my beer. She petted our cat. She hugged my love. I don’t know that I can let it go. It’s not that he spoke to her, it’s that he hid it. That he hid it makes it all so very much worse. I don’t know how to fix this. I asked him not to ever speak to her again but he wont do that, he never promises to not speak to someone. I know to be mad at him and trust me I am I am lived but I want to smack the teeth out of the back of her head. How dare she try to manipulate him into trying to be friends to try and win him back KNOWING he will try to be friends with everyone. How dare he not tell me. I have come so very close to emailing her and telling her what a nasty little tramp she is. I’ve also thought of driving to her house and smacking her face into the wall. I wont….. but I have a vivd fantasy of doing it.
I’m sorry this is so long.
I can’t help but just wonder if he was eating dinner with her while I was trying on wedding dresses with my best girl friend. Was she on my couch when I sent him a voice message all cutesy that I “wuvved him and couldn’t wait to be back home with him”. He wont not talk to her….. what am I supposed to do.