(Closed) Please help me. He saw his Ex.

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 377
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds like you’ve moved on  good on you! Really happy for you πŸ™‚ noone should be in a relationship where you are not each others number 1 priority

@Bram:  

Post # 378
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Bram:  I just have to say, you are doing AWESOME!  Emotional growth paths are not straight lines, so they’ll be times you’ll backtrack a tiny bit, but I’m sure you’re going to stay focused on the right things, ’cause you’ve really got your head on straight.

I’ve never left a romantic relationship like the one you had, but I’ve been in destructive/negative non-romantic relationships that required huge life changes to extricate myself from.  Your story about the friend who pulled out your chair, etc, really touched my heart–that’s what it was like for me: the amazing realization that people could treat me differently, that what I had experienced wasn’t “normal,” that I truly DID deserve better and that I could actually GET that “better.”

Keep up the great work.  I know I won’t be a part of Wedding Bee for long after my wedding, so I won’t get to see what happens in your life.  BUT, I’m 100% sure you’re headed for good things.  Congratulations on taking the hard-but-right path and sticking to it!

Post # 379
Member
2314 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hi honey!  πŸ™‚  Just checking in.  Sounds like everything is going pretty decently.  I am glad you haven’t caved to his self pity and you’re starting to see the light at the end of a very crappy tunnel!!!  Hope to see you around the boards, even if you’re not planning a wedding.  πŸ˜‰

Post # 380
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

(((((hugs))))) Attagirl.

Post # 381
Member
1731 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow thats all pretty nuts.  Good for you!  You were calm and strong and made the right decision and you will find someone awesome.  I’m glad you didnt leave the bee completely and are still moving on with your life. πŸ™‚

Post # 383
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Bram:  Lady, I just read your original post and then your last few comments here. From what I gather you have moved on and I applaud you. I really wish I lived closer to you because I’d take you out to celebrate your life anew! Congratulations to you on figuring this all out now, and loving yourself first, taking good care of yourself and listening to your gut even though it is sometimes difficult to listen. Your story about a friend paying for you and pulling your chair out for you is similiar to an experience I had. My brother’s friend who I had just met gently guided me out of harms way in a parking lot at a concert once as a car passed by. I caught myself thinking that here was a virtual stranger to me, being kinder, more thoughtful and aware than the guy I was dating at the time. It certainly gave me pause in my relationship back then and shortly thereafter I left, and all for the better. Good luck to you and many blessings.

Post # 384
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

After reading through the pages in this discussion I sincerely hope you find an amazing guy that truly makes you feel special, respected and loved.

Post # 385
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Bram:  well he cheated for sure. If I were in your shoes, I would call off the wedding and it would be over. no questions asked. This is so wrong. you deserve better. you deserve a man who would delete her phone number, not respond to her texts and never dream of taking another woman out to dinner. This WILL happen again if you let it. I am sorry this is happening to you. Break it off and move on so you can meet the love of your life later on. This guy is not it…

GOOD LUCK

Post # 386
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

oh my, I am sorry. I just realized this was an old post! well, I read your updates and I am so happy for you! you made the right decision and I am so glad you did. you already sound so much happier. I am sure it has not been easy but go you. GIRL POWER! πŸ˜€ HUGS

Post # 388
Member
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bram:  So glad to hear you’re doing okay!  There are lots of threads here that aren’t even about weddings, so if you want to come “hang out”…you should!!  

 

Post # 389
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I have a similar issue …well not issue but my ex has been trying to mess with my relationship ever since he found out i had a bf. since we started dating he has done it all. Anywhoooo

Thats just too much. I would understand him going out a “friend” you both knew and felt comfortable with him hanging out. 

But with an ex who has hurt youu?!?! Really?!?! 

My fiancee does not want me inviting people to our wedding who have managed to cause problems. Because obviously they do not sincerely care about u. Now imaging hanging out with an ex who wow…i dont even know what to say to you…. 

 

You best give it some time. Postpone your plans for now dont think about what will people say. Were talking about the rest of your lifes happiness!!!! 

Maybe you should not go smack his ex, but speak to her …ask her what she wants from him and what they did??? If he hid this much from you, what else did he hide??? 

 

Please dont get seduced by their nice words…. You dont wanna live like this!!!! Good luck, your in my prayers. 

Much loveee.

Post # 390
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

@Bram:  Sounds like you have a fantastic therapist! 

Thanks so much for coming back to update us every so often. I think about you pretty often and hope that you’re doing well and you don’t end up back with your ex. Just from the little I know about your ex and the little I know about you…you sound like an incredible person who he does not deserve. And that guy who pulled out your chair for you and paid for your dinner and didn’t think twice…that’s normal. Normal guys don’t need to be fallen all over when they do something nice for you. My DH opens the car door for me every chance he gets. While I thank him every time, he just does it b/c he wants to…not b/c he’s expecting me to fall all over him for it. 

You’re so strong and definitely don’t need him. 

Post # 391
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I just read your original story, the first page and then all your comments there after. I am so sorry, I wish I was closer too, I really think we would have a lot to talk about.
I too went though a very similar story. This was after 7 years of dating, however my boyfriend (which he was at the time) only messaged this girl. He works in the mines and we had neglected our relationship, it was both our fault, he got a little depressed because of the feeling he had and I failed to notice.
There is a big story behind it and I started to write it but it is just too long. The main thing though which is different is that he didn’t end up meeting up with her (an old school friend), we went on a break, he continued to message her. I found out he was messaging her and I was super angry. I removed everything of mine from our house, every picture, every memory and also took our dog (which he is really mine) it shocked him, he admitted he cried. They had plans to meet up but she ditched him a couple of times because she is a hoe πŸ˜›
He started to realise how much I do for him. I left him the notes that we had sent each other, the photos of all our travelling. I told him to get some help, speak to his guy friends. He did and it helped a lot.
It took a few weeks but we talked and he begged me to come back but on a condition that we keep out love alive. We take time to do stuff together, go out, text each other cheeky things etc. It was the best thing that heppend to us to get us back on track. He became a better boyfriend because of it.
Although I won’t lie, I had ALOT of trust issues with him after that, and he knew it, I didn’t let him forget.
I got very emotional reading your story becasue even after almost 4 years, it hurts, I hate the fact he broke my trust, he hurt me so bad. 9 months ago he asked me to marry him and it was the best feeling in the world. I know he will never do it again and I know we can all have our moments of weakness and I have forgiven him mostly.
But there is still the tinest hole that will never mend. If he had met up with her, I don’t know if I could have gotten over that. It’s that next level isn’t it. If he had cheated, I would have booted him straight out.

I am glad you are mending, stay strong, believe in fate, it will get better, time heals the heart eventually.
If you would like to chat, you can send me a mesasge. πŸ™‚ 

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