Post # 1
Bees, I don’t even know where or how to begin…
My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We’ve been through some of the more gut-wrenching parts of life and it’s made our relationship rock solid. We’re best friends, the sex is as plentiful as it is awesome. Although our money situation isn’t great, there is literally no reason for us not to be married.
Except we aren’t.
We’ve been engaged for 3 years. Neither of us are interested in wedding planning and my man is the sort of person who drags his feet unless given a firm (yet loving!) kick up the booty. I’m not the greatest booty kicker in the world and I also hate attention/people looking at me/large gatherings, so here we are.
Bees who have been or are in similar situations, how did you suck up your baggage and get on with things?
Post # 2
I got engaged last summer and have a personal goal of not being engaged for over 2 years. Tbh, I have little interest in wedding planning, but I still wanted a wedding.
So….we’re just getting a package deal. For everything (including a photography package and an over night stay for all our guests) it will be about 3k. Gave me a wedding I want without the planning.
We also kept our invites limited to 10 people.
The only thing I have to do is invites, the dress, and booking the package.
I found mine by looking up elopement packages in my area.
Post # 3
…_..___…_._._____.._beep : why don’t you just go to the courthouse?
Post # 4
I second dojx : go to the courthouse, you’re obviously not fussed on a big wedding, it costs very little to actually legally get married!
Post # 5
fluffhead : I hope you achieve your goal, this purgatory shit is absolutely no fun.
Thank you for your suggestion, it’s a great idea and I’ll definitely talk about it with my fiance.
Post # 6
Totally agree. Could we just skip to being married already. please?
I know I’d miss the memories I’d make with my grandma, which is the main reason I steered away from a courthouse–though, that would have been just as special.
Post # 7
dojx : Beth7210 : Thanks for the suggestions, but where I live (Calgary, Alberta, Canada) a courthouse is literally not an option. I’d need to hire an officiant, book a location, take care of the paperwork, and get two friends to serve as witnesses. If I were to throw on a fancy dress and serve a hot meal that would basically be a wedding anyways, so it’s like what’s even the point?
An added complication is the majority of our friends and family live across the country. They want to be present and I want them to be present. I don’t know, I’m mired pretty deeply in my own crap and need to pull my own head out of my ass.
Post # 8
…_..___…_._._____.._beep : Can’t the officiant just marry you in your living room? And you don’t need to wear a fancy dress. Just treat your 2 friends/witnesses to a dinner and call it a day.
You don’t seem excited to plan a wedding so just do something short and sweet.
Post # 9
What about a nice restaurant? That simplifies things considerably. You don’t have to be bothered with details like linens or menu or even much in the way of decor.
Some restaurants have space for a ceremony, then you and your guests have a lovely dinner afterward. Then, poof. You’re all done.
Post # 10
Would a destimation Elopement be an option? You can find package deals where the hotel or resort does everything and you just show up in your dress.
Post # 11
…_..___…_._._____.._beep : This is strange. Do you really want to be married? You keep throwing out excuses why it’s too challenging to plan the thing, but most of these can be overcome with a few hours of planning and at very little cost. If you don’t want to be the center of attention but also want your close friends and family to be present, then you need to decide which of those wants is greater than the other and find a solution. You could elope to the town where your friends/family live and throw an intimate, low-key event in a park and then go out to eat afterwards…it doesn’t have to be some major costly thing. I have a work friend who had her wedding this way – they literally went to the nearest park during her lunch break, did a quick ceremony with an officiant and like 2-3 friends, and then they all grabbed a bite at a local restaurant.
If you want to get married, then make it happen! If it’s not important to you, then drop it and stop agonizing over it.
Post # 12
If you’re not planning to get married, I don’t see how you’re engaged.
Post # 13
I’m in Calgary! There is a place (cannot remember the name/trying to find it) but it was something like 7k and includes everything! Officiant, venue, Flowers for you, bridal party of 3, afternoon appetizer reception for 20 people or so, and the photograher. You just show up and get married. I’ll keep trying to find it but I know it exists!
Try posting to the Calgary Weddingn Buy and Sell group on FB and maybe someone remembers the name
Post # 14
…_..___…_._._____.._beep : “I don’t even know where or how to begin…” — Google? This was literally like the 3rd or 4th hit: https://calgarymarriagecommissioner.ca/packages-fees/ If you’ve got your own witnesses, this guy can marry you for $200. If you don’t have witnesses, he can supply them for an additional $40 per. If you’d rather do it at your house than his, for $60 he’ll come to you and you can have as many (or as few) guests as you want.
This is not a 3-year project. If you’re not married yet, the only reason is because one or both of you don’t really care to be married. If you both want to be married, it could be taken care of in a day.
Post # 15
…_..___…_._._____.._beep : You say “where I live (Calgary, Alberta, Canada) a courthouse is literally not an option. I’d need to hire an officiant, book a location, take care of the paperwork, and get two friends to serve as witnesses.” like its a really complicated, difficult process. It really isn’t – you could get things booked up in one day and just ask a couple of friends or family members to be your witnesses. You don’t need a licenced venue, you don’t need fancy outfits or flowers or decorations…. you don’t even need to buy rings if you don’t want them.
So yes, I agree with you that you do just need to get your head out of your ass and get on with it (and so does your fiance)! If you want to BE married, then just GET married – there is literally no reason why you couldn’t pull it together and be married a few weeks from now if you really wanted to make it happen.
And if you don’t then I think you should stop calling yourself ‘engaged’ and be honest that neither of you are motivated or bothered enough to make it happen and stay as you are. Nothing wrong with that choice – but you need to actually make that choice and own it rather than keep drifting indefinitely.