(Closed) Please help me! No pleasure from sex.

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This may be Too Much Information but my suggestion would be to masturbate. Find out what you like and don’t like and then voice it to your Darling Husband. BC could be a huge part in the problem so try switching to something different, you don’t want to get pregnant while he is taking something high risk. Good luck

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was going to ask if you were on BC. I would ask your doctor to check your hormone levels, and maybe try a lower dosage BC pill. You also might want to look for a new doctor if you don’t like yours or don’t feel comfortable talking with him.

In general, do you and your Darling Husband find other ways to be intimate? Cuddling, romantic time, fun activities to do together? Personally, I think a big part of great sex is also having an intimate relationship together outside of the physical act, so maybe spend some more time doing that and the rest will slowly improve.

Post # 5
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So sorry you’re still struggling with this. I know it’s demoralizing and frustrating. First of all, let me say Hang In There. You’re not giving up and that’s important. 

I have a few suggestions, which you can take as you please – discard them all if you like. 1 – get a different doctor. Maybe a woman? Someone who can be genuinely helpful? You deserve better than a dumbass doctor. 2– Read some books on sexuality – not just on sex, but on sexuality. You need to explore your own sexuality, and if you’re not interested in masturbating, you can explore other ways. There are some great books on Christian sexuality, if that would be more helpful, since you waited for marriage and these might be up your alley, so to speak (Rob Bell’s SexGod is the best, I think). But seriously, eventually work up to exploring your own body. 3 – Consider that it’s pretty diffficult to go from 0 to 60 and it’s still only been a few months. Many women don’t experience an orgasm at all for a few years of being sexually active. I think this is where our church instruction goes terribly wrong, btw – there’s this idea that if you wait for marriage that your spiritual connection will somehow make up for the time you need to spend getting to know each other’s bodies, and despite having no sexual experience you’ll have this super orgasmic better-then-the-best-movie-sex-scene sex. Not realistic. 4 – A lot of the time, sex is just friction. It is penis in and penis out. It’s up to you to make it more than that. Make it about the whole body – touching everywhere. One of the biggest shocks is that sex is so …anatomical. It’s bodies connecting, sometimes awkwardly. The soul-connection stuff that we see in movies is added in with music and lighting. What we see in movies also tends not to be the ordinary, everyday sex of married couples 🙂 

Gotta get ready for work. Keep working at this. I’ll happen. 

Post # 6
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Also maybe try different types of stimulation. Either with your husband or on your own. Not just in n out humping or oral. There are a variety of tools which can be purchased from beads, dildo to books or movies. Bodys are amazing things and no two are alike so naturally different bodies react to different stimulations. Don’t just limit yourself to the physical mechanics of sex and stimulation, it is also about the mind.

Post # 7
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know you said you have no interest in masturbation, but that is really the way that many women figure out what they like and what feels good to them, and they’re then able to share that with their partner to improve their sex life.  That’s how our sexual relationship has evolved, and I’m very happy that my partner knows what I like, but he only knows that because I knew and was able to show him. 

I would also try a different BC pill.  I found that some killed my sex drive more than others.

Post # 9
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can tell you that I have never ever ever gotten off with just a penis going in and out of me.  My G spot is on the outside which sucks, but my Fiance makes sure I’m taken care of every single time. 

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honestly, there is just no way to ensure you ever enjoy sex until you masturbate and figure out what you even like and what gets you off. Until you are able to bring yourself to orgasam you can’t expect someone else to be able to. The biggest prevention of enjoying yourself is your own mind. You need to relax and enjoy the moment, clear everything else from your mind, have alot of foreplay and just be in the moment, do what feels good and fun.

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Megan316:  The ‘g-spot’ is always on the inside, the clitoris is on the outside, and many women will never in their life feel an orgasam from their g-spot. For some women their g-spot doesn’t provide any pleasure, some it causes a super intense climax, and some still it only helps to make their clitoris more sensitive when both are stimulated at the same time. 

Typically stimulating the g-spot, causes a sensation of having to go to the bathroom at first, and that feeling subsides and becomes a climax. 

ETA: their are many toys designed to stimulate both at the same time.

Post # 12
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

My suggestion is to explore.  The two of you take the time and have fun with it.  Touch yourself.  Take note as to what feels good.  Learn from one another.  I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 13
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@drummerbride:  +1

Change the pill to work on your libido (every pill effects different women different ways — it’s a low dose, but it still may be killing your libido), but if you really want to enjoy sex, you have to figure out what gets you off before you can communicate that to your husband. It WILL get better, but it requires a bit of work first. 

Post # 14
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

What about before you were married, did you ever fool around in the bedroom, not sex?  If this was not a problem until you started the BC, then you need to talk to your doctor about switching brands.  Or, (don’t hate me here), do you think it’s possible you just aren’t that attracted to your husband?  I didn’t realize until I started dating my fiance that every guy I’d been with up until him paled in comparison to how out of my mind attracted to him I am.  I viewed sex with my last boyfriend as a “chore” because (didn’t much realize it at them time) I just wasn’t that attracted to him.  

You might try (again, don’t hate me) watching porn to see if that turns you on at all.  It takes more than just penis going in & out to stimulate.  Orgasm arises from your clitoris, which is on the outside.  You need to find a way to stimulate that, or else you will get nowhere!  Have him sit upright & you wrap your legs behind him.  That’s more direct friction, you should feel something that way.  

Also, you ought to talk to him about it, albeit hurt feelings.  Sex takes two.  He’s not going to be able to help you unless you communicate your needs.

Post # 15
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

@MissHighHeel:  I would definitely try a new BC. The last brand I was on (I don’t know why my doctor switched me) kicked my ass hormonally. Among other things, I had absolutely zero sex drive, like not interested in any at all, not even masturbation. I know most girls say, “just get started, and you’ll get interested,” but that didn’t work for me on the pill. I was so disinterested that if we started something, I would get so sad because I just wasn’t in the mood.

Post # 16
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

I suggest clitoral stimulation. I know you said masturbation isn’t your thing, but try again with clitoral stimulation. A lot of women can’t have an orgasm just from having a penis go in and out. 

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