(Closed) Please help me! No pleasure from sex.

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I would suggest you abandon hormonal birth control. You could consider a copper IUD if you want more security than condoms.

I started having sex before I went on BC and I enjoyed it a lot before BC and couldn’t get interested in it after BC. Sex was uncomfortable, I couldn’t get wet, and I never orgasmed. I wanted to have sex and I remembered liking it, but my body did not want to participate. I tried five different types of pill plus the NuvaRing looking for somehting better and nothing got better. Eventually, I just stopped taking BC and within a few months, my sex drive was back. I started to get aroused easily and I started to really enjoy sex again. A lot.

Post # 18
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@OP, I would suggest changing birth control asap AND more importantly go see a sex therapist ASAP!!! 

Go alone, without your DH, I’m not saying hide it from him all I’m saying is this is an issue you need to handle independently.  Be honest and tell them everything you told us, As an expert they should be able to help you get the guidance that you need to enjoy sex whether the issue is your birth control, internal issues or intimacy issues they’ll help you figure it out. Goodluck, I hope things work out.

Post # 19
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@drummerbride:  +1 for drummerbride

– you might get more interested once you actually experience orgasm. If you are not sure or think it was “just light” you probably haven’t. Try to read some books, I think you probably need some practice but a different BC might help.

Post # 20
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MissHighHeel:  Even if you are on a low dose pill, different pills affect everyone differently. I have been on 7 different pills for medial reasons (all low dose) and there was one I was on that absolutely killed my sex drive, and I wasn’t getting any pleasure out of sex. Once I got put on a different pill, I was back to normal. I know it’s hard for you at this point, since you weren’t sexually active before the wedding, you don’t know what your “Normal” sex drive is. But I really think you should find another doctor and try a different BC pill.

Also, to be honest, it takes a while for a couple to get “good” at sex! You need to experiment to figure out what each other like. When DH and I first started, it never felt amazing. It was probably over a year until I had my first real O. So give it time!

Post # 21
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Suggestion 1: does DH touch your clitoris a lot? He should. I suggest that he does clitoral stimulation to orgasm before he comes in. We do it in that order quite a lot. If you have trouble orgasming that way, a bit of lube on the clitoris (or his fingers) can do wonders. You may not want to masturbate but at least touch the clitoris and work out where it’s most sensitive, so you can direct him there. Remember that the clitoris is more sensitive than the vagina. There’s a reason for this: the vagina can’t be too sensitive because it’s designed to one day give birth.

Suggestion 2: go off hormonal birth control! I found the pill messed with my hormones. So we went to condom + spermicide. i.e. I’d put the spermicide in before sex. Then after about a year we were confident enough to use condom alone, and there were still no unexpected pregnancies.

Post # 22
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

You poor thing! I couldn’t imagine being in that mindstate. Me and Fiance have a very happy, healthy and amazing sex life. We make love atleast 4-5 days a week and always enjoy the romantic & erotic aspects of intimacy. We even give eskimo kisses during intercourse. 

 

First off, are you attracted to your husband? If that is the case and it isn’t a personal issue with him, I suggest switching to a low-hormone or estrogen free method. If used correctly, the withdrawal method is actually very effective. We used that before TTC. In my previous relationships, I relied on Durex condoms. They’re considered the best by Consumer Reports in terms of reliability.

I also feel like maybe you would benefit from seing a sex therapist. The fact that it was painful for you at first and you put an emphasis on you purity until marriage (not that it is a bad thing) might be an indicator that you’re subconciously putting a mental block on your libido and may have some kind of intimacy issues. You’re a married woman and should be having fun in the bedroom! 

Post # 23
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Birth Control KILLED my sex drive for the first 2.5 years of mine and FI’s relationship. I would literlaly have to force msyelf to do it most of the time. Finallya fter 4 different brands, I think I have found one that isnt effecting it as much. Still not as high as before, but once I get it on my head that wee doing this…then  theres no problem.

Post # 24
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was on BC and it killed my sex drive.  I didn’t really want to have sex, and wasn’t into it when we did.  I switched to a Mirena IUD (I did a bunch of research, and it seemed to be the better option).  It has definitely helped.  If you do decide to get an IUD, definitely have it put in by an OB, not by a regular doctor.

Post # 25
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@mrsSonthebeach:  +1.  This is pretty much the same story I have.  

Post # 26
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

I think have a similar problem and the reason I don’t post about it is because I feel most of the people commenting don’t really understand. I never masturbated growing up, even before going on birth control, and have no desire to. I think it’s a little… gross. Going on birth control didn’t really affect something that was already broken. I have never had an orgasm and don’t think I will. I enjoy sex with my fiance because I love him, but it is very hard for me to get into it… because I have like a permanent case of “blue balls”.

I’m not sure if you feel truly the same way as me, or not. When I am married and on our own health insurance, I will be going to a woman doctor and talking about this issue. Maybe talking to a psychologist with a Fruedian perspective to see if I’m repressing things. I would suggest seeing a doctor. For four years I have been having sex with my fiance, without feeling much, and I wish I had a better suggestion. Masturbating and switching birth control methods did not work for me. Best of luck!

Post # 27
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@BrookeBQ:  To be blunt, you certainly won’t orgasm if you’re not doing anything to make yourself orgasm. Or if your husband isn’t doing anything as well, but really, how can you expect him to be able to get you off if you refuse to figure out WHAT gets you off?

If you think masturbation is gross, thus you think bringing pleasure to your own body is gross, your mindset is already such that you will not be able to orgasm during sex either. It’s all a mind game, and if you’re thinking it’s dirty or gross you’re not thinking about what feels good, etc. Why can’t you go to a gyno (or sex therapist) now? Personally, “I know I won’t ever orgasm” would seem like a major health issue to me.

Post # 28
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

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@BrookeBQ:  I understand both OP and your points of view.

I’ve never orgasmed from internal stimulation, and when it is external, it has to be JUST external (as in, he can’t be inside me and doing clitoral stimulation or it won’t happen). It’s always been like this and I’ve resigned myself to it. I’m not on BC but have zero sex drive because it just isn’t pleasurable (in fact, it hurts…intensely, but I allow it sometimes because I know Fiance likes it.)

Post # 29
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ladies, please please talk to your gyno if sex is painful. 

Post # 30
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@BrookeBQ:  I think regarding masturbation as gross might be a big part of the problem. It is hard to enjoy it without knowing what you like.

Post # 31
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@StefLovesJamie:  Try to orgasm before penetration and your muscles will be relaxed. I had this issue for years. This really will help with the pain and unless there is a physical problem (other than your muscles tightening up because of anticipated pain), eventually it won’t be painful because you’ll stop expecting the pain.

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