(Closed) Please help me out here: Is it normal to think this way? Sex with BF only?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it important to have sex with more then one person before settling down?

    Yes, you need that experience, or you'll resent your partner in the future.

    No, as long as you're in love with your current partner.

    It doesn't matter.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I’m trying to understand your reasoning for wanting other sexual partners.  Is it because you feel like you need more experience with sex or because you just feel like you’re missing out on having sex with lots of different people because you feel like that’s society’s norm? 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1964 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not in your position but i have to tell you, having had plenty of sex with different men, the grass is not always greener on the other side. If you two have a good sexual relationship and satisfy each other, you won’t find anything better out there. Not to say you wont wonder what it would be like but, trust me when I say, if you are happy, enjoy what you have and cherish your relationship!

    Post # 5
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee

    This is me too. Im a few of years older (but been with SO a few years longer too). Basically it just didn’t happen previously (with previous BF) because I waant 100% comfortable. 

    I also wonder about this. BUT I am 100% comfortable with my SO and we’re happy and have a good relationship.

    I’be basically got to a ‘what will be will be’ point. So what that this isn’t necessarily what I thought my adult life would be? It’s actually pretty awesome that I met a great guy who makes me super happy and comfortable at a (relatively) young age! And just because it didn’t mean anything to me to ‘wait’ for the ‘right guy’, it’s not a bad thing that I didn’t put myself out there when I wasnt ready. 

    I think it would be 1000x worse to split just to see what’s out there just because life has not been to plan!

    Post # 6
    Member
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

     

    View original reply
    Cait.Marie:  I lost my virginity at 22 to my now husband,my first and only. I’m going to be honest,I have felt the same way. I have thought about what it would be like to have been with someone else. I guess that’s natural. As long as it’s not something ypure constantly thinking about I think that’s it’s okay.It’s natural to think of what ifs. What if I bought that car. What if I went on that trip. You know what I mean? 

    Post # 7
    Member
    953 posts
    Busy bee

    Honestly..no I don’t wish I had sex with as many partners as I have. 

    Let me put it this way

    .imagine you slept with the most amazing lover. Like this guy rocks your world from the tips of your toes to the end of every hair follicle. But he’s a douche and the only thing he’s good for is sex. 

    Then you marry this wonderful guy..The sex is ok. It’s not amazingly mind blowing, but it’s also not horrible. It’s something you can build on but he’s a little vanilla so you give up on some of what you learned from Mr. Sexysmexy.

    Wouldn’t you have rather never had the douche bag?  Wouldn’t you rather just build on what you have than every so often find your mind wandering to the kick ass sex u had with that nameless guy? 

    No I don’t think we all need to have a million different partners. I think we should focus on who we are with and making the best we can with them. 

    I could put this in like some sort of metifor but I just won’t bother. If I were too though it would be something about chocolate…mmmmm

    Post # 8
    Member
    7509 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    If it bothers you in the future, worry about it in the future. No need to worry about it now, when it might never become an issue. If you do find your interests wandering in the future, there are such things as open relationships (not for everyone though), swingers, sex clubs, and brothels (legal in Nevada, Amsterdam and a number of other places, and a safe and relatively easy way to incorporate another person into a couple’s sex life without the emotional entanglements).

    Post # 9
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    View original reply
    Cait.Marie:  I don’t understand why young women nowadays feel they must have multiple partners. I was raised to keep my number low, while the women of your generation are encouraged to be promiscuous. Don’t go out looking for another partner. You have a man that loves you now. Do you really want to risk that for a side piece?

    Post # 10
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Well I have a similar relationship that seems abnormal in college because we are mongamous and felt like we have found the one at an early age. If you feel as if you are missing something out of your relationship with your bf then you might feel that way in the future. If you feel this way just because you feel like you are required to have a ton of meaningless sex because thats what people your age do then you are probably fine and it shouldnt matter how many people youve had sex with.

    Its all about what you specifically as a person wants. I have one friend who has sex with tons of random people and that is her choice too. She’s making her own decisions without outside influences of society and is totally content. I have another friend who feels similiarly to you. She has a solid relationship but feels she’s missing out on the party scene. She took a break from him and started sleeping with random people who clearly want just sex. Her mouth tells me that this is all she wants, and she just wants to chill and be casual with different guys but then cries for hours when they don’t call her back. When she does this I want to give her a major side eye . Please dont be that girl lol.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2129 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    View original reply
    Cait.Marie:  I think you need to stop “worrying” about the future.  I’ve had sex with several men. Some were “meh”, some were good & some were really good. And at the end of the day I think sex is overated. This is coming from a Sagittarius that orgasms and enjoys sex lol….it’s overrated at the end of the day. Enjoy your great relationship & don’t get caught up in the hoopla on TV that sex is the end all be all.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    Cait.Marie:  

    Part of being a mature adult is being secure in your own beliefs and morals. You shouldn’t allow society to tell you what your relationship should be like. As long as you are happy with your boyfriend and your sex life, there is nothing to worry about in terms of the future. 

    When I was in high school, most of my peers were having sex by age 15. My parents were very strict and I had no freedom, so I didn’t even kiss a boy until I was 17. Some of my peers made fun of me for being a virgin until age 18 but I didn’t care. I lost it to my first love after dating him for a year, instead of losing it at a party to some random dude who didn’t care about me. I am so glad that I waited for the right guy and I will always have fond memories of that first relationship.

    Post # 13
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I agree with pp who said worry about it in the future. It’s not an issue now, don’t over think it. There’s no need to have multiple partners, that adds more baggage. I think it’s cool, your not missing anything by sleeping around, personally I don’t understand why people do that.

    Post # 14
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    Honestly, it sounds to me like you’re putting the cart before the horse a little bit.

    If you’re worried you’ll be worried about this in the future, worry about it then. You’re only 21, and still in college – you have no idea where the next few years are going to take you. If you spend the rest of your life with your current boyfriend, and he’s your one and only, that’s great. I’m the only woman my Fiance has even -kissed-, let alone been intimate with, and he has absolutely zero regrets or resentments about it.

    For your own good though, stop worrying about some far-off possibility that maybe you might resent him.

    Post # 15
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee

    I’ve only had sex with Fiance. I was also his first, but during a breakup we had, he dated and slept with another girl. So I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, and he really regrets doing it and wishes he hadn’t. I think if you are happy with each other, that’s all that matters. You aren’t missing any experiences that you can’t get with him.

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