(Closed) PLEASE HELP ME. StReSs & to be honest, disappointment

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Take a deep breath!  I think the only person who can really help you is your fiance.  Have you talked to him about this?  (I mean really talk, as in have a discussion. No yelling or crying about how you are doing this all alone.  I can tell you from experience, this is NOT productive. )  Let him know how you feel, and try to find out why he hasn’t been more involved.  Is something bothering him?  Does he think you like to plan the wedding and home? (I think many guys assume the girl doesn’t want their help b/c they like all the planning.)  You may find that he didn’t realize that you felt this way and is more than willing to help.  Hopefully this is the case, and you can delegate him a few tasks to help you out.  (Getting quotes, arranging meetings, making pick-ups/drop offs, picking out invites, gathering addresses, or doing things for the house like painting or repairs- whatever you want really.)  If you talk with him and still feel alone in the planning, I would turn to family and friends.  (If the aloneness refers to more than just the planning/preparation, you may need to consider whether or not the wedding needs to be occuring at this time.) Hopefully you have someone (friend, cousin, aunt, uncle, granparent, etc.) who you can recruit to help out.  If this is not a possibility, consider a coordinator to help relieve some of the stress.  I am also a graduate student with a wedding at the same time as yours.  I know I could never pull it off without the help of my Fiance, family, and friends.  In the end, you may have to decide what is most important and focus on those things.  I know things aren’t going to be exactly as I envisioned, but I’m okay with that b/c in the end I will be married to my best friend and starting a new chapter in my life.  I wish you the best!

Post # 4
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I don’t have much advice on dealing with your family’s lack of help in planning or owning a home, but my fiance was initially zero help planning the wedding.  One thing that I’ve learned is that he is very overwhelmed when he considers everything that needs to be done to pull off a wedding, and he responds by just not thinking/doing anything about it.  The system we’ve worked out is that I give him a list of "wedding chores" and a deadline, and once he completes them all, he gets a new list.  This keeps him involved but not overwhelmed.  This might work for your home situation as well. 

Post # 5
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

You certainly have a lot on your plate.  I’m sorry your Fiance isn’t helping.  Can you hold off on house renovations until the weding is over?  Or is it unliveable?  The wedding will come regardless, but if the house can wait, maybe takle that later.  Some of the remodeling and decorating of a home can be fun…if you’re not stressed out with other stressful things.

Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, I agree.  You need to take deep breaths, relax a little, and talk this over with your Fiance.  You do not want to look back on new home/engagement/wedding memories with regret and bad feelings…

Post # 7
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have a full time job, am studying for grad school entrance exams, just bought a house 8 months ago, and the Fiance is stationed in Georgia, and doesn’t help much with the wedding. Definitely all on my shoulders. Otherwise it doesn’t get done right . I was also trying to decorate my house, paint it, etc. And you know what? I couldn’t do it. The house can wait. The wedding is in 3 months, so that has top priority. Weekends I do wedding stuff, during the week I’m "all business"…I work, gym, then study and do necessities, like clean up after my cats, make lunches for the week, etc. My floor looks like absolute crap and i haven’t vacuumed in about a month. For about $50, though, I learned that I can go to Craigslist and hire a maid. I know $50 is a lot for a student, but maybe for your sanity it will help alleviate things. It’s a lot to balance. I make lists and spreadsheets to help me realize just how much I actually have going on, versus how much I feel like I have going on. The list makes me realize I’m over reacting and being anxious over the littlest things. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

What about your bridal party?  Your maid of honour or bridesmaid will probably be able to help out???   I pretty much planned everything myself…I got a monthly calendar as soon as we were engaged and jotted down EVERY single dealline for the next 10 months.  I just did things one at a time as the months went by….everymonth had about 2/3 things.  I know you only have 3 months left but it’s not too late!!  Make a list of things that need to be done for the wedding and prioritize them and then attack them!!  Cross them out one by one as you finish…it feels good to do that =)  I wish you the best of luck!!!!!!!

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