- 7 years ago
My heart is hurting pretty bad right now and I’d really like some help cause I’m confused about what I should do here. Let me explain my situation.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 3 months. We got engaged last year in july and I went away to a bible college a short time after we got engaged. I have known him since highschool ( Im now 24 and he is 22) and he actually was chasing me for a good 5 years and I had denied him pretty much every time over that time period post highschool ( i wasnt allowed to date in high school and I did not in college as well) I come from a very Christian background so this was a difficult situation for me. He has actually been married before. Straight out of high school after I had shot him down once again. This has always caused a problem for me in the relationship because he was still married to her even though she had cheated and left him. He, nice guy that he is, remained married to her so she could get her residency. Anyway, once that hurdle was taken out, I felt good about getting engaged to him. My family loves him, and I love his as well. We are best friends, and have always been friends. The problem is this: monday we mutually broke off our engagement because we were on our way to the courthouse to secrertly get married. I do not believe in pre-marital sex, but this being my first relationship and all, lets just say I’ve been messing up for a while. I hate the guilt attached to it, and though we had set a wedding date for next year, we wanted to marry earlier do we could move in together because he will be transfering to university. He has 2 years of school left. I love this young man so much, but I’ve always had doubts, which are normal I guess, but I dont want to make a mistake. I should also mention that I have wanted to go back and finish the bible college that I am in ( I left because I got in a car accident over my break and wasnt able to return). I have a year and 4 months till I finish that. Had we married like we’d planned, because he is not 24 and cannot get financial aid, I would be the sole working one and I felt resentment toward him for having to stop my dream just because he wont ask his dad for financial help or get loans like most students do. I want to wait for him, but I’m not sure he could for me. He says he could, but we all know men are just built differently. He’s young, and, while mature, craves friends and social companionship. We are freinds right now, no fighting involved, but due to the nature of our relationship I worry that his feelings will change, or mine might. You never can tell. Should I be holding out on him? If there is anything else you’d need to know to get a better picture, please let me know. I really appreciate responses. Have a wonderful day.