(Closed) Please help me with my invitation wording

posted 6 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

He hid the treasure on the beach and I she found it! Come celebrate with us, A and B, as we they exchange our vows and begin our their new life together. The ceremony will take place on Saturday, April 7th, 2012 at thirty half past six in the evening at the W Manor, Long Island with reception immediately to follow. Please RSVP by January 27th.

Post # 4
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@juliasoko: Are you planning to have the invitation as a single paragraph, or does your message in a bottle permit you to have a more traditional format? I’m asking, because, if you have the space, you can make the invitation a bit easier to read and have certain things — such as your names and the date and time — stand out more than they would in a paragraph.

Also, you seem to be mixing elements of informality with formality. If you like the more formal look and sound of “thirty past six in the evening” or “half past six in the evening,” you should be consistent with the date and use “the seventh of April.”

Finally, “RSVP” already contains the term “please” within that abbreviation, so you would never want to say “please RSVP.”  In fact, the best way in which to say this is, “Please respond by …”  Will the response information be printed on a separate sheet of paper, or do you plan to include it on the invitation itself?

Post # 6
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@juliasoko: I didn’t comment on this before, since I was thinking you were going to go with the more formal wording.  However, since you would like to have the language be more casual and probably won’t be saying “seventh of April” but instead will be saying April 7, I just wanted to add that you should omit the “th” after the dates (including the January 27 RSVP deadline.)

ETA: By the way, I just wanted to say thank you in return for allowing me to comment. I had a long career in communications and have spent so much of my time as a writer/editor.  I have not yet found a simliar job in my new area (where I relocated after marrying DH), so most of the writing and editing I’m able to perform these days is for other bees in the Hive! lol 

Post # 7
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

@elliestan: I think this is perfect.

@juliasoko: I would suggest going with Elliestan’s wording. It’s cleaner, makes more sense and sounds more like an invitation.

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m a little confused, do you already have the invitations printed? because you said you dont have time or money to get new invites. Or are you still in the process of ordering them?

I personally think the first sentence just doesnt really go with the rest of the invite. I would be a teeny bit confused by that part.

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