Post # 62
@EffieTrinket: I would say that the “be honest and be proud of it” ship can’t ever sail without us on it. (It’s always possible to do).
Someone else being rude about something I’m proud of can’t take away my pride in it, and, this is harder, but even if a person has lied about that topic before, they can still be honest now and yes…proud now too. Not for lying before, but for the present… part of being proud now would be “I realized now that I had no reason to lie before… I am actually proud of my decision”. The past is past, we don’t have to keep old mistakes alive, nor continue to be ashamed of them once we corrected them. Nobody except a newborn doesn’t have mistakes in their past.
Post # 63
@joya_aspera: +1 she lied before for them, she should be honest for her. if they love it theyll feel better not worrying about being found out. tell the truth and shame the devil!
Post # 64
@joya_aspera: It seemed like she had already taken being completely truthful about it off the table, but I just saw in her update (which I had missed before) that she says she willl do that. If that’s one of the possibilities she is considering, I agree it’s the best option, but if it came down to two falsehoods (and I only say “falsehoods” because it really sounds like she has been trying to get people to think it’s not a cz, rather than just being neutral about it) then I think she would do better to pick the more believeable one. But it would seem as though it’s a moot point, now.
Post # 65
@joya_aspera: “It doesn’t mean I feel bad about myself (I definitely don’t)” I hope i didn’t say anything accidentally in my post about anyone feeling bad about themselves. you should def tell people the little (or big) secrets if you so choose, please feel free! 🙂 i feel like everyone should tell/not tell and do whatever they choose based on their own preference, rather than a feeling of obligation to do one or the other. (not applying that to you, i’m saying in general- more toward some people feeling they are obligated to tell.) basically you can of course freely tell if you want to, but if you don’t want to, you don’t HAVE to.
Post # 66
It’s her life and her choices. If she wants to lie, let her lie. Cripes. I think the morality police can fight other crimes not affilated with CZ.
Post # 67
I don’t think your friend is being mean. I think she just loves your ring and wants to know all about it. People have their backs up about this beause an untruth has been told. It’s why it’s best to be honest if you are asked directly. If you are not asked then its ok to just say ‘thanks’ and move on if someone compliments you.
Post # 68
It’s not your duty to disclose anything to anyone. Ever. It’s a good thing to remember as you go forward in life as a married woman.
Keep the details of your ring to yourself, like you would the $$ you spend on clothes, rent/mortgage, cars, insurance etc.
The only person that needs to know the details, is your Fiance.
Post # 69
@chillinchillin: There’s certainly no law against it (or not for the little stuff, anyway), but for me I do feel there is something important lost when someone accepts credit that they know isn’t due them.
In my post, I was trying to say, telling people the “full story” rather than letting them believe a more flattering myth about me doesn’t make me feel worse about myself, it makes me feel stronger and more proud. “Oops, fog! let me clear that fog away. Can you see me clearly now? This is who I actually am. Hi. Who are you actually?”
We only live once, and I don’t want to spend it propping up a myth of a more flattering not-me and never actually be known to the people around me. How can I make my true mark on the world through the fog of a myth?
Post # 70
@joya_aspera: i see where you’re coming from and i think offering people the details is great for you considering your viewpoints. if someone else has a different viewpoint, not telling might be their preference and i support their right to that view and believe they should not hold any type of guilt or obligation, just as i support those who hold beliefs like yours in thinking what they think and doing what they feel works best for them.
Post # 71
I’ll have a Moissy, but I don’t plan on advertising it. However, if someone asks, I won’t be lying and passing it off as a diamond either.
I’m afraid you seem to be in a bit of a hole here, and the more you say about it, the more difficult it’s going to be for you to “keep your cover,” It shouldn’t matter to anyone what kind of stone is in your e-ring, because it’s a symbol of commitment, not an object to jealously lust and compete over (which is what it seems your friend’s doing..).
Instead of compounding lies, as someone said here already, I’d shift the focus from the ring to the fact that it’s not the pricetag that you married Fiance for. She’s thinly veiling her jealousy of your ring, and I think it’s rude of her to be asking you the “twenty questions” non-stop about it. I know that “imitation is the highest form of flattery,” but it’s also strange to me that she’d jibe at her own Fiance over the materialistic issue of the fact that her ring is smaller than yours.
Anyway, long post in a short statement: Don’t engage in the conversation with her anymore. Shift her materialistic focus from the ring to another topic, and don’t let it stress you out. She’s being nosey and rude and you don’t need to provide her with anymore information. Maybe she should just be grateful for the ring she has…
EDIT: Sorry, clicked on this thread from another and didn’t realize it was older than my advice being worth posting. lol
Post # 72
You don’t owe anyone an explanation so why are you lying? By lying you are in essence “explaining” that it is diamond. Pleople keep posting “don’t go into details” etc., but you are going into details through your lies.
I think you should just tell her it makes you uncomfortable when she compares her ring to yours or when she continue to comment on it. Tell her you want the focus to be on you and FIs love for each other, not a material thing. That’s it. Don’t explain yourself through lies upon lies.
You say you love your ring but it seems you are a little ashamed it’s not a diamond. That’s why you’re passing it off as something it’s not. A CZ is not any “less” than a Moissy or less than a diamond. Who cares if people think it’s this or that? There is no rank. That’s not the point of an E ring. Your value as a woman and future wife is not determined by what stone you have. If it keeps bothering you than much then perhaps you should have stuck to a more modestly priced/sized diamond?
That’s just my 2 cents.