Please Help. My boyfriend told me I gained weight and feels less attractiveposted 3 years ago in Relationships
- 3 years ago
Hello – I talked to my bf for 5-6 hours next day. I told him exactly what I said on my post, and expressed to him that I was hurt for what he told me. He said “babe, I am so truly sorry that I made you feel this way. I knew this would only bring negative outcome and I shouldn’t have said it. I didn’t mean that I am less attractive due to your appearance, perhaps I didn’t I am less attracted to you. Its just there are other factors that gives me concerns about our relationship, and came out wrong. I am truly sorry.” He did mention those other factors in our original talk. I didn’t mention those on my post because I was more upset about the weight gain. We talked about each other’s concern next day, and figuring out one by one what can we do to better ourselves and our relationship to move on. In regards to the weight gain, I told him that “no men should shame the girl’s body, if you want me to look healthier, you need to encourage me instead. Not telling me that you feel less attractive because I gained weight, and if that’s true, then you need to tell me NOW because I cannot be with someone who thinks like that, I want a man who think I am beautiful inside and outside.”
He told me (and I am very aware of it too) that he is terrible expressing things, and not a good talker. He often have issues how to say things, and sometimes turns into harsh words. I know this may sound like an excuse for everyone here, but I want to believe that he really did not mean to hurt me, and was being honest. This was first time him telling me this, and I decided to take it as his “honesty” and not because he wanted to hurt me. Yes it was selfish for him to say that, and I 100% agree that there is no excuse for men to say such thing. I hope he now learned that it is unacceptable to say these things, and will never say such thing. Now that he told me about the weight, I do want to look pretty, not because for him but because I want to feel better about myself. That is the only way to lose my insecurity and gain my self-esteem.
After this incident, I learned that no one is perfect. And if you truly want something, you will fix it. We are not perfect couple by any means. We have many problems. Sometimes we may hurt each other, but at the end of the day, we still love each other. We have good times, go on a dates, travel the world together, and give hugs and kisses every day after work. Successful couple exists because those people KNOWS and WANTS to “fix” the problem, rather than running away from it. I am not going to say goodbye because of one mistake he made. I may have left him next day if he didn’t apologize, or feel bad about it. I believe relationship is over when one person decides to stop putting any effort. If my boyfriend did not care how I felt after our talk, then our relationship is over. But he cared. He didn’t want to see me cry. He was sincerely sorry, and wanted to take back for what he said.
So I wanted give him a chance, and believe that he will grow from the mistake he made. At the end of the day, we are human, we came from completely different environment, and has different opinions/values and approach on things. My boyfriend came from a family who abused him growing up. He had to live with his uncle in his childhood. This is why I think it is hard for him to express things and often comes out in a wrong way. I am very word oriented person (especially English is my second language, and I basically learned English watching movies and drama) instead. We are two different people, but I learned that if we want it, we will make it work no matter what. I am hoping that we now have better relationship after having this type of talk.
I really want to thank everyone who put your time writing your opinions. It has defiantly gave me an courage to stand up for myself and express him how I felt.