(Closed) please help my fiancee is forcing me to get a bigger size weddign band than wnt

posted 6 years ago in Accessories
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry, but if he’s threatening to cancel the wedding over the size of a ring, then what’s he going to threaten when there’s a real problem?

That’s ridiculous.  It’s also a red flag that maybe he’s not ready to be married and some counselling might be in order.

Post # 4
Member
4326 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Kewii:  Exactly!

The wedding isn’t something he should hold over you to get his way.

He doesn’t have to wear your ring, you do.  You should each get a wedding band you like… if he can’t work with you on something as small as a wedding band, it worries me.  Will he threaten divorce everytime you disagree after the wedding?

I’m not saying, neccessarily, that marrying him is a bad idea, but I think you need to sit down with him and discuss the issue of using the wedding as a theat/enticement.  This is a life-changing event – not something he should use to control you.

Post # 5
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Wow, that is insanely petty and controlling of him. I agree with the above posters, this would make me reconsider marrying the man, or at least insist on a lot of counceling first. His threat sets an extremely poor tone for a relationship; even if the issue was an important one (which it isn’t), it is NOT okay for him to threaten to call off the wedding simply because he isn’t getting his way. How immature! How is he going to handle actual problems in the future?

As for the ring issue, you should get whatever you want. It’s your finger.

Post # 6
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, I think both of you need to take a deep breath here. These sound kind of like overly-emotional responses. 

Some perspective: the wedding is 1 day and you will wear a wedding band for the rest of your life. Culture is important, but compromise is, too. What is he so worried about with the wedding band being 2 mm? A wedding is a day that you two should be celebrating your new union, not something to blackmail you with! What if you were able to strike a compromise that this year, you get a 2 mm wedding band and then maybe for a first anniversary, get another 2 mm band? That way you have 4 mm of wedding bands, but everything is kind of the same size.

Post # 7
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that this is crazy.  If he is threatening to cancel the wedding over the size of a ring, what else would he flip out about?  If this isn’t really like him, you need to sit down with him and see why this is so important to him.  But, explain to him that even though it’s a cultural thing for him, YOU have to wear it EVERY DAY!  So in the end, you have to be happy.

Post # 8
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with everyone else.  If he’s threatening to cancel over the size of the ring, then there’s some major issues there that need to be discussed, sorted out, and dealt with before the wedding.  Paid for or not you’re still not down the aisle and if he’s going to act like this over a wedding band then as someone else said, how’s he going to respond when it’s something big?? I’ve been in a controlling relationship before and I know it’s hard to deal with but try to remove your feelings from the situation and act like an outsider looking in.  If you think that would be ridiculous and controlling if someone else was telling you that story, then it probably is.  I’m so sorry this is happening to you!!  Hopefully, you can work out whatever is going on.  Maybe it’s just the stress of the wedding and all the changes of moving but maybe not.  Try to get everything out in the open before you say “I do.”  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with PPs, this seems a ridiculous thing to threaten to cancel the wedding over. I’d be much more worried about him making that threat than the size of your ring at this point. 

Is this the first time he’s threatened to cancel the wedding (or break up or something like that) if you didn’t do what he wanted?

Post # 11
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I agree with what the other women who have responded are saying. It sounds like there is more going on here. He sounds like he wants to control you and he is threatening to destroy something that he knows means everything to you, in order to get his way. It is even more ludicrous that it is over something so minimal as the size of a wedding band. If you don’t like it, why should you have to wear it? I’m sure that he gets to pick out his own ring, you should have the same right. Rings are supposed to be symbols of your love for one another and your commitment to each other. You should be able to look at it and be happy, not reminded that you were forced into purchasing something you didn’t like because he threatened you. Best of luck.

Post # 13
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@glamachica45:  So, he’s using you, and your poor finger, as a social status? He cares so much about what will be preceived of him and you that he would rather not get married than compromise?

Sounds like there are much bigger issues.

Post # 14
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@glamachica45:  Is he maybe nervous about losing his culture when moving to the US? I can see how that stress, on top of the stress of the wedding, might make him feel overwhelmed.

Post # 15
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1996

I think that if he’s compromised with you over so many things that you should compromise as well. His culture is apparently very important to him.  Is this something you knew when you agreed to marry him?  Maybe you can get two bands?  A 2.1mm to wear when you’re back in the States but a nice wider band for the ceremony in Peru?  Maybe the wider band can then be a right hand ring?  I doubt he’s serious about canceling the wedding but he may just be trying to help you understand that the wedding and HIS traditions are important as well.  

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