(Closed) please help my fiancee is forcing me to get a bigger size weddign band than wnt

posted 8 years ago in Accessories
Post # 17
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I understand that he may  be worried about losing his culture but to threaten you like that seems out of line! I like bewitched’s idea about getting two bands, one for Peru and one for the US…

Post # 20
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@glamachica45:  I like the suggestion from @bewitched728: – you could get two bands, one the size that he likes and one the size that you like, and wear the larger one in Peru and the smaller in the US. Maybe you could also take the larger one and wear it on a necklace when you get to the US.

This is a tough situation you are in. I know I would struggle if I were in this situation, too, because I wouldn’t want to wear a really large band, but I’d also want him to feel that his traditions were being respected. I think the key will be finding a compromise that works for you both (that is what it’s like in marriage much of the time, isn’t it?).

Post # 22
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@glamachica45:  I think for sure you should both get to wear the rings you want! I didn’t realize he would be open to him wearing one ring, and you wearing a different one, since you mentioned that tradition is that you both wear the same kind of ring. It may be a little more expensive, but worth it, don’t you think? You will be wearing those rings forever.

As a side note, my husband and I have COMPLETELY different styles of rings. His is very wide (like 5 or 6 mm), and mine is very narrow (1.5 mm). His looks very, very masculine, and mine looks very feminine. If I were to wear a ring as wide as his is, it would look ridiculous. And he would look equally silly wearing one as narrow as mine is.

Post # 23
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t read any of the replies, fwiw, but I say get the ring you want and call his bluff.

Post # 24
Member
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@redheadem:  This lol. However, I think you should address his threatening to dump you over a piece of jewelry. That is ridiculous!

Post # 25
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@DeathByDesign:   This situation has NOTHING to do with the ring. It’s about an utter lack of respect for the OP.

Post # 26
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1996

Can you wear the one he wants during the time you’re in Peru and just buy another when you get to the States?  After all, its not the ring that makes you married, its the commitment, right?  It sounds like its important to him that you ‘look’ married.  My husband is the same way…he doesn’t really care what I wear on my left ring finger (I’ve changed my rings a couple of times) as long as it clearly says ‘married’.  For example, I couldn’t wear a plain solitaire, but I could wear a plain band.  I respect him on that.  I think its nice that he wants your ring to shout to ‘his’ world that you’re taken.  The alternative would not be so nice.  Ask him about getting a thin ring when you get to the US and wearing the wider band while in Peru.  In the grand scheme of things (and many many years of marriage) it would only be one year of wearing a band you don’t love to respect his culture and make him comfortable.  Think about the message you’ll be sending to him, his family and culture if you force the whole deal to follow US standards.  By marrying into his Peruvian world, you have to be ready to make concessions…marriage is all about concessions! Wink

Post # 27
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

okay, i’m just gonna say it.  is it possible that you’ve been terribly pushy during the wedding planning and he’s had enough?  i see you pushed him to do a lot of things he didn’t do and maybe he’s thinking wth? she’s not my boss.

Post # 28
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@peterpotamus:  i agree

It seems as though EVERYTHING has to be your way. 

The ceremony and all are going to be as you like, the tuxedos and all, I think he’s had enough and just has ONE thing that is important to him, the ring. And that is where he set the limit.

I think you should compromise and get the one he likes. Eventually you can get another one to wear in the States. And wear the chunky one when visiting Peru.

Threatening to call off the wedding is crazy and you should tell him that you won’t have it, but still I think he needs to get his way with this and you should respect that he has a say in the wedding. 

 

Post # 29
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My fiance wants me to have the exact ring I’d like, regardless of his opinions/feelings on it. It’s a piece of jewelry you have to wear forever, why would he want you to be anything less than thrilled? Doesn’t he want you to look at your ring and think “I have the best fiance/husband in the world, I wanna jump him”, rather than “Sigh, this isn’t the ring I would have picked for myself, but I guess it’s fine”? 

I understand the cultural significance, but you have to compromise, and frankly, I think this is a compromise he should make, not you. 

Post # 30
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You have to have a “traditional” wedding because you have an e-ring and because the jeweler said so?  Come on, that’s ridiculous!  I can see why your fiancé is upset that you won’t even let him pick out his own clothes or have a say in the style of the wedding.  He’s taking a stand over the ring because you wouldn’t let him have anything else he wanted.

Post # 31
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with the other ladies, this seems to be taken way over board.

 

He shouldn’t care what people see your ring as. What matters is that your happy with it and most importantly that you love eachother!

The topic ‘please help my fiancee is forcing me to get a bigger size weddign band than wnt’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors