(Closed) Please help!! My fiancées mother hates me

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@weddingstress:This is so sad to read but there is nothing you can do but support your Fiance. He has to be the one to make the decision and talk to her…just be there for him when he does. It might help to encourage him to not enable the negative conversations with his mom. In other words have a pleasant conversation but the instant it changes to a topic that doesn’t concern her or to an attack on anyone then exit the conversation. It’s taken me years to learn to do this with my mom and sometimes when I’m tired I still get sucked back in but our conversations have improved exponentially. She now knows that I will not listen to her negativity when it comes to me, my FH, my kids or our lives.

Post # 4
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@weddingstress:  I feel so sorry for you, and I hope you realize this is not your fault.  It sounds like the mother may have some attachment issues, and had a hard time letting go of her son under certain circumstances (way back when) and has never gotten over it despite where you, he and your children are today.  Maybe she is also resentful of you that you two have worked your way to such a great situations. (For example, I’ll admit, Fiance and I both work, are 27 & 28, both graduated from a University, started our careers but there’s no way I could stay at home with one kid, much less 3, if we were to have them right now.)

I think you’ve done all you can do to gain her support, and have to realize it will probably never be there.  It is important to your Fiance, but you can’t let it ruin you.  There’s no need to be outwardly mean to her, but I wouldn’t make an extra effort to do anything special to be a part of her life.  🙁

Post # 6
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@weddingstress:  Im in the same boat as you, My Future Mother-In-Law hates me. I havent done anything wrong other than being a southerner who she thinks isnt good enough for their rich family. Apparently the college I went isnt good enough, my background isnt good enough or anything else for that matter. I just ignore her and my Fiance has basically told her that even if she doesnt like me she damn well better respect me. She now just keeps it to herself and is polite. Sorry your going through this mess. Good luck…

Post # 7
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

WHAT DO I DO??? She is not effecting our relationship at all, but I feel like something should be said.if not for me then at least for my fiancé.  Did I mention she Refused to come to his and our children’s baptism because his father was there?!?!  This above all, things makes me angry. He was devastated that his mother would miss such an important moment.

First take a deep breath and know that NO matter what at the end of the day you cannot change her and do not try. “She” will be the one with regrets not you when the kids miss out on having her there. If you have made every effort on your end to be polite and kind to her and she continues then let it be. You both just be as pleasant as ever and not feed into the negativity. I wouldnt make any extra effort as the previous poster said, and continue to not have it affect your relationship

My Future Mother-In-Law is somewhat the same, I respect her and listen to her sound off and then say well have a great day and thats it…I think she wants me upset but not loosing sleep over her.

Post # 8
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly, I didn’t read your whole post…  Just that his mom hates you…

 

It’s been 19 years for me and my husband (we are having a vow renewal next year that is why I’m on the bee) and that woman STILL hates me…

My love for him is strong.  Sometimes there is nothing we can do.  Just love him and know that she will always be his mom, so the situation MAY never change.  Be prepared.  That is my advice to you.

 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
3511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

don’t worry about it….if you and Fiance both understand and know what she is like…its fine. If your Fiance didn’t see any of  his moms behaviour and it caused fights…that would be a problem.

Do your own thing and be thankful she lives half an hour away.

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

His mother is a bitch–she’s never going to like you. It’s not your problem–if she wants to see her grandkids she’ll quit being such a rude bitch–otherwise they’re better off not knowing her

Post # 12
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@sylvia.riggle:  they’re better off not knowing her

That may be true because she may talk about you unfavorably to her grandchildren…

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

What. A. Bitch. Don’t let it get you down, go about with your life, keep contact to a minimun, and don’t let her have the satisfaction of putting any strain on your life or relationship. She may never like you. She may eventually come around. But I don’t think there is anything you can do in either sittuation so I wouldn’t waste too much time thinking about it. You sound like  a wonderful person and a great mother and it sounds like you and your Fiance have a lovely life together. 🙂 

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