Please help: parents took budget away

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

Is your FI also contributing from his savings? This shouldn’t be all on you. It should be something you pay for together.

It’s such a personal decision, but in this case I would host a small “cake and punch” wedding at my home or in a park, well away from mealtime, with just family and closest friends.

Post # 17
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

Don’t worry about what is the norm in your area or the fact that weddings are a big deal. Don’t allow that to factor into your decision. I would suggest having the wedding that you can afford and downsize the guest list to make it more affordable. You don’t have to have a big wedding.  If that is to stressful then go to the court house or elope. There are a lot of different ways you can pull off the elopement or courthouse wedding and still do it in style. Best of luck to you.

Post # 18
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Pay for your own wedding. Allow others only to pay for stuff you are happy to have zero control over. Courthouse wedding and nice dinner afterwards with close friends and family.

If you don’t mind a drive and are looking at 2019, we went to a wedding here about 2 years ago and it was lovely. Audreysfarmhouse (http://www.audreysfarmhouse.com/weddings.html)

NYC City Hall is really a nice place. Take a private car to and from. You can also just hire an officiant to marry you pretty much any public location in the city. Central Park does not require a permit for under 20 people. Wave Hill is incredible and I’m pretty sure you can take photos there without any cost (just need to book a time). Prospect Park used to allow the wedding and photos without cost (check with them).

Post # 19
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Go to the courthouse, get a great photographer to document your love and go out to a great meal after. your wedding day should be about the start of your marriage! don’t put yourself in financial or familial strain to do it because that will permeate the marriage and that is NOT what you want to remember for your big day. I also got married in NYC and my friends have set the bar for doing big ballroom weddings and fancy barn weddings, etc. they were all still so happy for us when we went the unconventional route because celebrating love doesn’t require expensive seated dinners and runners and centerpieces and cocktail hours and ceremonies at sunsets, etc etc. (we did not have any of these and I have NO regrets. 

Post # 20
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

glitterysala :  I follow Audrey’s Farmhouse on insta and that place looks like the CUTEST place ever. 

Post # 21
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

How does your FI feel about it? It is his wedding too. Does he also think it can be used against you in the future? Did your in-laws offer because they wanted to help or because they felt they have to?

I would be a little bit insulted if my fiance was fine with accepting financial help for his family but not from mine for our wedding. But it depends on the family relationship. 

In the end your should do what you are both most comfortable with and if that is just a courthouse wedding then do that but it should be something you both want.  

Post # 23
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

girlfromtexas1088 :  If they want to help let them help. I would also put some money in though. Like do not let them pay for it all. I would also cut the list.

Post # 24
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

I would elope or pay for it on your own. My husband and I had a wedding with 13 people that cost around 700 euros (that included my dress, flowers, dinner for 13 guests, and our marriage license). It was so intimate and truly the best day of my life. I can’t imagine spending anything more than that to be honest, especially if we couldn’t afford it.

Post # 25
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

girlfromtexas1088 :  You still haven’t said what you FI wants. Will he be okay with a courthouse wedding?

You FI step mother is very tacky in mentioning loans given to family members and I can see why you would feel uncomfortable. But giving a loan to a brother is different then wanting to celibate your sons wedding. 

I know people that wealthy and I also know they are very good at not having to spend too much money on things. Big parties are often held at their homes and can be very down to earth. What I would do in this situation is maybe have a courthouse ceremony with a hand full of family and friends and then let the in-laws host reception drinks at their house. This way you get the wedding you want and his father still gets to help.   

Post # 26
Member
1711 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am also from NY and grew up in a wealthy area. While my family was not rich, I was always surprised at how many truly wealthy people did not flaunt their money or choose to live with excess in my town. Have the wedding you can afford and focus on your marriage. You can have a classy ceremony at any budget and your marriage will be just as real! 

 

PS: garden weddings at family estates were really common where I grew up. Would it be a possibility to have a small private wedding at your future in-law’s home? 

Post # 27
Member
1677 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Have the wedding you can afford and don’t take their money. 

What’s your budget? How much have you saved? Is you FI helping? 

Post # 28
Member
12614 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Another vote for courthouse.  Have a wedding you can afford without taking help from others, and enjoy that day!

Post # 29
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Ummm yeah, courthouse for sure.

Post # 30
Member
9121 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

girlfromtexas1088 :  courthouse! If that’s the type of family that is offering money with strings I wouldn’t want to take it either.

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