Please help: parents took budget away

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 31
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Sorry about your dad, that sucks. I’m also in NYC and I never heard of weddings being a big deal. In fact they’re so expensive here that most people I know of elope. That being said, please don’t feel the pressure to have an expensive wedding if you can’t do it. Work with the budget you have, not the budget you want to have. I didn’t elope but when me and my DH went to the courthouse to pick up our marriage license we saw so many happy couples sitting at the counters (141 Worth street for the win). We saw an old couple where the elderly bride had a bouquet and they had the biggest smiles on their faces, we saw a couple around our age holding hands as they were waiting at the counter and the bride had the most beautiful white jumpsuit I’ve ever seen. Their loved ones gathered around, there were photos, people cheering, etc. For a government department, it was so refreshing to see so many happy people, witnessing these other marriages was amazing and it was literally the happiest day of our planning process. Basically eloping or having a courthouse marriage is just as happy and romantic as having a big wedding.


Post # 32
533 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t take the money from the family either. All too often when people put in money it means you have to do things their way, could be the case here. I love small weddings! Small doesn’t mean less beautiful or less fun and certainly not less married.

Sounds like what happened with the loss of budget was not intentional, and it’s just one of those things that happen. You have many options to have a beautiful wedding on a low budget, I’m sure your wedding will be wonderful!

Post # 33
44 posts

Maybe I’m superficial, but I would take the moeny. It sounds like the family is loaded and wants to help out, why not take them up on it? If your stepmom is as gossipy as you say she is, she’ll find a way to talk crap about you no matter what you do, so I say you might as well get some enjoyment out of it. Of course, there is a good chance they would have a large amount of control over the wedding planning, which is something for you to consider. 

Anyway, have the wedding you actually want, but don’t martyr yourself over some bitchy comments from stepmom

Post # 34
533 posts
Busy bee

wonderwedding :  Though I wouldn’t take the money, I think you have a good point after I read your post. If people are set on making nasty comments, then there’s little to nothing you can do to stop them. It’s the  control over my own wedding day that I would never want to surrender. If relatives got on me thinking they could do things as they wanted because of financial contributions, I wouldn’t take kindly to that and probably not respond well. That would likely really cause problems .

I know it sounds like the family wants to help, and I bet that most of the family does. If they want to help contriblute financially might be best to just let them slip it into a envelope and give it as a wedding gift. If a member of the family wants to contribute discreetly and not hold it against anyone, then accepting it as a ‘early wedding gift’ could be a a good idea if it can be worked out.

Post # 35
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

girlfromtexas1088 :  You’re welcome – you can still have a beautiful wedding. And I hope the situation with your family improves!! xoxo

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