Post # 1
Member
9 posts
Newbee
Hey everyone, so I am a long-time lurker here. I have been living with a man for over 4 years who has NO interest in marrying me. Lately, he has become so disinterested in me to be gone about 3 to 4 days out of the week and I am feeling pretty lonely. I would say we have a sexless relationship, and a bit miserable, with all the yelling and fighting and bitterness over the years. The last excuse he gave for not being married was that it was 2012 and the Mayan calendar said the world would end!
Fast forward to today. I had the most sincere proposal from a client of mine that I have known for several years. He is wonderful, and fun, and sweet, and a multi-millionaire, and has my same interests, and wants to embark on world travel, and wants to marry me 110%, and respect me, and love me, and take care of my every need. He wants me to go to Paris tomorrow. I am not rich and actually my boyfriend that I live with has not worked in over 2 years, and my job is so hard, and manual labor, although it pays six figures, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. He is also very traditional and doesn’t want to do anything sexually until we are married and until I am 100% his and only his (and I’m not a cheater). He is a lawyer and electrical engineer and professor and business owner and has climbed mount everest and has competed in triatholons and won and I have a deep respect and love for him and I just really feel like my world has turned upside down in the past six hours. I talked to my mother about this and she is telling me to just DO IT! To just be romantic and beautiful and to seize the moment and that my boyfriend will end up marrying someone who he actually loves, and that when a man loves you, he will propose.
Wow! I am SO sorry to ramble. I am just so confused! But in a way, I’m not at all confused! I feel like I need to take a break and be alone for a bit from everyone and get some advice from you bees!
Oh and btw, the ring, I am just blinded by the sparkle! Please help me gather my thoughts and pick my jaw up off the floor.
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
You need to seriously sit down with the man who proposed to you and tell him you should both go to premarital counceling. Maybe there is a future with him? but you don’t know him that well. You need to get to know him.
I’m not saying arranged marriages are bad and I have seen a few work beautifully over the years. But this is not an arranged marriage, you have no knowledge of this man outside of work.
Go to paris with him. Not to get married, but to see if he is the beautiful person you think he is.
Post # 4
Member
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
was this just out of the blue? have the two of you ever spent quality time together? do you even like this man in a romantic way?
as for your current relationship. why are you even with this guy? it sounds like you have no physical or emotional attachment to him at all.
i would become single and try dating for a while. if this new guy really loves you, he will wait a couple of years for you before marriage.
Post # 5
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would never marry without getting to know him first. Being a client and sharing same interests is not enough. Why would a multi-millionaire need to suddenly propose like that? If he’s got all those qualities, why isn’t he already “taken”? My instinctive reaction is “green card proposal”.
My all means dump your bf and date the new guy. But instant marriage makes no sense to me. Something doesn’t add up.
Post # 6
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
If you have never had any kind of romantic relationship with this man, it would be silly to accept his proposal. Don’t be blinded by the gleam of money and an easy life when you don’t even know if you can be happy with this man. If you want to be with him, then break up with your boyfriend and go date this other man for at least a few months until the novelty of being wined and dined wears off. Then see how you feel. He may be a great catch and he may be the perfect match for you, but it’s really too soon for you to know that yet.
Post # 7
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
I’m pretty certain there is a horror movie that starts this way.
Please don’t marry someone you don’t love. Marriage isn’t a “hmmm… let’s see!” type of thing. Frankly, I am raising an eyebrow at any man who proposes marriage randomly to his banker… out of the blue… without a relationship. This, to me, appears to be a sign that he has parted ways with his grip on reality. I really hope you do not get on a plane with this man. Real life rarely plays like the movies. I think this may lead to a whole hell of a lot of empty promises or a shit ton of crazy. Worry about thw relationship you are currently in and don’t pursue this other man until you have fully called it quits with your current SO and you’ve had time to investigate this new guy.
Post # 8
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
Go to Paris with hIm! Why not? You aren’t going to stay with the guy you’re with, right? That relationship sounds terrible and like you need to end it regardless of this new development. So, go on the trip! Date this guy! See what happens.
But tell him to put that ring in his safe until you two have spent more time together and know each other. He can ask again later.
Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
I say go to paris but don’t marry him there, just start dating
Post # 10
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@jayebaby: +1
When I said date him, I didn’t mean go on a trip with him. Or sleep in the same room with him. Get to know him first.
Post # 11
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
I feel like it sounds sweet and romantic, but don’t marry him JUST yet… but yes! Go to Paris with him! It sounds like the relationship you are in is no longer giving you any happiness, so I feel it is time for you to end it (based on the info you gave us) but don’t just jump into a marriage with someone you don’t know on a personal level just yet.
Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee
Thanks for the quick reply! As far as quality time together, I must say that over the last couple of years that we spend about two hours or so together a day, although over the last year it has been increasing just because we are having a wonderful time talking and enjoying ourselves, and that few hours progresses into entire nights where we go to a bar or restaurant or just walk around and meet strangers and lie to the patrons that we are married and travelling and make up crazy stories off the cuff about how we met and what we plan to do next, and we do really end up getting to know each other. There is no need to get married right away, and he is not from another country, but it was just a romantic sort of gesture and I feel quite a bit of adrenaline right now and had to vent. If I told him to wait two years, ten years, forever, I feel that he would. He has no hidden agenda. He has been married before but is a widower for ten years and isn’t taken because I suppose he has always been “taken” with me and has always loved me secretly but while also giving me hints which I either ignored or just liked and allowed to happen. So, am I a horrible person? The person I live with I feel bad for in a way because what will he do when I am not paying his way anymore? Well, that is no excuse to stay in a relationship when there is nothing there, no feeling, resentment and jealousy and a feeling of “not good enough”. What do I feel for Mr. Proposal? Hm, electricity, lightning, excitement, respect, fun, confused, happy, giddy, a lot of things I guess. But if we could spend uninterupted time together on and on I would be the most happy girl in the world I believe and would validate all my assumptions.
Post # 13
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee
Agree with PPs. Date the guy first, and dump your bf. not because the other guy’s rich, but b/c you sound miserable in your current relationship.
Post # 14
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
it sounds like you’ve made your decision. I hope it works out!
Post # 15
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
yeah he sounds like a wonderful guy and your boyfriend sounds like a tool. I’m sure he can find someone else to sponge off of. Or GET A JOB lol
Post # 16
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
What an amazing story! This is almost the stuff of fairytales… but alas, stories don’t have an “ending,” they only continue on through to the end of your lifetime, so it’s worth sitting down and really thinking about your circumstance.
First thing’s first: I think it’s quite clear that your current boyfriend is all wrong for you, and clearly doesn’t really respect your relationship. So regardless of this proposal, I believe it is wise to free yourself of this person.
Next: While the sudden proposal is romantic and enthralling, I think you’re being quite wise to take some time away from all of the tangible people around you and think about what this means for you. Do you know him outside of business? How well do you know him? What would you like to know better, before committing? What are your goals for your career? Will he emotionally support you in your vision for your personal future? How soon does he wish to marry you?
If the idea takes some time getting used to, can you see if he’d just want a romantic relationship to develop gradually? It seems like you were somewhat interested in him to begin with, I don’t think it would hurt to explore the option, but be careful before leaping into a long term commitment and just make sure you have the same goals, desires, values, etc.
Whatever you decide, again, your boyfriend sounds completely WRONG for you regardless.