Post # 1
I’m completely torn here and would like some opinions. We agreed on marrying next April and I picked a charming barn venue that I liked a lot. I could definitely imagine mysekf getting married there. It was very pretty and I loved the fact that the lighted tree was where the ceremony would be. But I’ve been having some hesitancies aboout this whole process.
I’m 22 and know nothing about weddings, all my friends are getting pregnant instead of getting married so they don’t have any advice to offer, and my parents got married in a hot air balloon so my mom does not have any idea what planning a wedding is like either. I started doing my research and nearly balked about all of the things that go into it….all the things you’re “supposed to have” and do and I feel an immense amount of anxiety about it.
I also feel like it’s not “me”. I know people can have weddings that are untraditional or unique or leave some things out that are “classically traditional” to make it their own. But to me, I feel like if I’m going to do that, why even have one? I budgeted what it would cost to have my wedding and it would be around $13500 total. We would be paying for like 80% of it on our own. My mother and father are willing to pitch in some. My quesiton is…..do I even bother with a wedding? Part of me feels like I want the tradition because it’ll be “real” while the other part of me goes wait a minute…I have VERY limited friends and most of them are out of state or country so the guest list of people who can actually make it is only like 35 people. Why would I pay 13,500 dollars to host a fancy ass party for a handful of me and FIs friends and the rest middle aged family members that I barely know…Why would I spend all this money when I don’t even WANT to have a first dance or anything like that, no garter belt, no “cut the cake”, I don’t even want to write my own corny vows. The attention focus on me as the bride is not something I’m even comfortable with. So do I do this, and spend all that money on plates and chairs and linens and stress myself with all the frivolous planning, or do I elope somewhere cool as hell and have a huge vacation and make lots of memories traveling?
I’m thinking more and more that I want to elope and I wanted to see if anyone regretted doing that on here? I just don’t want it to feel like it wasn’t “real”. Fortuantely family member’s opinions in this matter won’t make a difference. My mother has already told me I should do what I want and not care about what anyone else thinks and I don’t think my Mother-In-Law would care as long as we hosted some sort of casual celebration party with family members when we got back. I don’t have the added pressure of family wanting a traditional wedding.
Oh also I should throw in that there are some problems with the venue owner/day of planner. She is really nice and the venue gets amazing reviews and is decently well known…however…she took like 2-3 weeks to even send me my invoice so that I could pay her deposit. and after that, it took SEVEN WEEKS and two reminders from me with her PROMISING to get me the contract “by tonight” (and failing to do so) before she even sent me the contract! She never even sent me the list of preferred vendors I asked her for so I could have some vendors to look at. I know most of you are probably thinking that you would never pay the deposit without the contract in front of you first, but I really didn’t know any better. I think this venue owner is too busy honestly and it makes me nervouse how unavailable she is to paying customers. I received the contract via email this morning and she already has my deposit money for 7 weeks now. I didn’t sign the contract and I am thinking about how I am going to ask for my deposit money back if I do indeed decide to elope.
Post # 2
Does your Fiance feel the same way? There are always other options.
For 35 people, you could find a restaurant with a private room and have the ceremony and dinner in the same room. Very little decor required, usually way better food, no focus on special dances, just good friends and good food.
Open Table provides lists of restaurants with private dining rooms for most major cities.
Post # 3
He kinda just goes with the flow. He was kinda stuck on the idea of a traditional wedding at first but now sees how un practical it would be. I think he’s just happy as long as I’m happy.
That’s a good idea though, thanks for that 🙂
Post # 4
I am a bride that is eloping to Maui just us two. It is not a stressful or expensive process. I dont see the point in spending loads of money to be stressed thus this is my choice. We are really excited and it will be just about us. Everyone I tell this to says “I wish I would have just eloped like you are, etc.”
Post # 5
We decided a destination elopement made the most sense for us, and family and friends chose to celebrate with us before we left.
I did the math, and a week in Jamaica at an all-inclusive resort plus the wedding and flight was about 5K. We’d barely be able to have 30 guests for a few hours locally for that price here, and H’s family is not very mobile and live just far enough away that the logistics were bad.
The resort had some venues ready to choose from, cakes, champagne toasts, photographers, and a minister. All we really had to do was pick what color flowers, pay a $250 deposit and the room before we arrived and then show up.
I’m glad we did it that way – and elopement does not mean you sneak off in the dead of night these days – it just means a very small, intimate wedding, with either just the couple and a few witnesses or a very, very small group of attendees.
It is YOUR wedding. And if your mom and your Fiance have no preconceived notions, do away with frills you don’t want or need. Have as many or as few as you can afford attend, and do it however you want. All that is really important is that you are both married at the end of the day and are happy.
Post # 6
Thank you for sharing the way you did it. Makes me feel better about it and honestly that sounds like so much more fun
Post # 7
We are running away just the two of us to get married this summer and a few weeks afterward we are having a backyard party to celebrate with people. I’m stressing about the party, but at least I know that it won’t be a recreation, there won’t be any typical reception things (garter/toss/cake-cut/toasts). So I feel better about it just being a party.
You do you and at the end of the day you will be happy.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2018 - Family Ranch
honestly sounds like you would enjoy the eloping/very small destination wedding! You can always have a BBQ/party once back and celebrate with the original group of people and have it be super casual.
Post # 9
Girl, no. It doesn’t sound like you want to have a wedding at all. I do think that your wanting it to feel special means you should do something special, but it doesn’t need to be a 5 digit party for people you don’t even care about coming. There are many resorts that offer elopment packages, and you can have a romantic vacation at the same time. If it’s important to you to have family there, PP’s suggestion of a smaller restaurant party is great. Do what is right for the two of you, but don’t do it because you feel you are “supposed to”.
Post # 10
Our elopement was about $3500 (after airfare). I will tell you not to take the decision lightly. You can only do it once so do whatever is in your heart. I don’t regret eloping but a big wedding wasn’t something I was willing to take on.
Post # 11
this is me shamelessly sharing photos 🙂
We met the coordinator the day after we arrived, she made sure she had our cake and flower preferences right, got my appointment in the salon for hair and makeup set for the right time for me to be ready, and told us how to handle me getting into my dress without H seeing me before the ceremony. Then she gave him his boutonniere, set up the music we’d picked out, and then came to get me for the before photos and to get started. I was so happy, it was fast, simple, and so pretty 🙂
Post # 12
that looks so awesome!! so intimate and pretty