(Closed) Please help us out, bees!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If my husband said “Maybe I like talking with GirlFriend X because she is nicer (or more caring, or more understanding, etc.) than you are”, then I would say “Go spend your life with her then!”.

Why would you want to be with someone who would say something so hurtful and rude to you?

Post # 3
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t usually hop on the ‘go to counselling’ bandwagon, but it might really help.

His arguing style doesn’t sound healthy… I mean I think most of us snap at some point and say stuff we regret, but calling you names and bringing up ex girlfriends in every big fight isn’t normal IMO.

If you see a professional, he might actually realize what he is doing isn’t right. If you try to tell him this, he will likely snap and the cycle will resume.

Have you tried to talk to him about this outside of fights? Like maybe say something like “I really don’t want to start another fight.. but this has been on my mind lately… can we please try not to say stuff we regret when we’re fighting? Name-calling is not cool”… and leave it at that.

If you are in the midst of a fight and it starts to get heated, I would simply say “I am not continuing this fight. It hurt me when you said X. I am going into the other room”… and just don’t argue. Maybe this will teach him to think before he does this.

Are you always arguing over the same topics or is this just the general way he handles conflict? Does he just do this to you?

I don’t think it has to be a deal breaker, but I would be hurt if my husband never fought fair. Words do sting.. and we remember it.

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