(Closed) Please help us settle this dispute re: Bridal Party Gifts

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Who's right here
    It's his money, he can do as he pleases : (12 votes)
    21 %
    Gifts should be given equally, regardless of who is paying/receiving : (43 votes)
    77 %
    Other (see my comment below) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    696 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think it is unfair. No person in the bridal party she be valued more than any other and the differences in spending suggests that he/you do.

    Post # 4
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I agree with you.  That is unfair of him to give a special gift to his cousin and leave the other girls out.  If he is going to give a special gift to her then he needs to do so for the other girls too.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1159 posts
    Bumble bee

    If he really wants to give her an extra gift,just ask him to give it to her a few days before hand and just explain it’s just a little something extra from him. Th other bridesmaids don’t have to know about it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think its completely reasonable for him to give a gift to his cousin, but then you don’t need to get her something also. The gifts for the bridal party are from the bride and groom for thanking them for being in you wedding, they aren’t just there for the bride or the groom. All gifts should be from both of you. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    Actually, there’s not a clear right or wrong answer on this one. On the one hand, it makes sense for you to give your ladies gifts individually, him to give his guys gifts individually, and if he wants to do something extra for his cousin, that’s on him and not you. It also makes sense for you guys to give all the gifts together, as a couple, and keep things even across the board.

    This is one of those situations where wedding preparation requires you to draw on the communication and compromise skills you will need in marriage. Is he especially close to this cousin? Then maybe the gift makes sense and he can just be discreet about giving it to her so that the other girls don’t feel slighted … or maybe you guys can agree to keep the “extra” gift for her on the small side … or maybe after talking it through you’ll decide that it is best not to do an extra gift … maybe he can help pay for her hair and makeup as the extra gift? There are a number of options worth exploring here.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2554 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I really don’t see how much is spent per person as a symbol of how much you thank them.

    You cannot forbid him to do something nice. Be thankful he’s generous!

    Post # 9
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would have thought that the bridal gifts come from the bride. It’s none of his business to go around interfering in one of your roles as the bride. Let him get his beak out of it and settle himself down.

    Post # 11
    Member
    12953 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it’s unfair.  DH wanted to do something extra for his sister and I got upset about that (especially since she had been causing trouble and not participating as a bridesmaid in most of the preparation).  He ended up not doing it, and I think if he had, it would have been an issue.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4436 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I can see both sides of this debate, but I agree with you- it does seem unfair. Paying for the guys’ suits is quite a generous gesture- buying a suis is over $1,000! Or is he paying for a rental? It’s great that he’s generous and paying for most of the wedding, but this is supposed to be the start of your joined lives together and I think he should agree that an equal amount should be spent on all your girls. It is nice he obviously values family, but he has to respect your wishes of having the fairness of equal Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts preserved:) The compromise can be he spends what he likes on the guys, but he agrees to let you handle the girls and not do anything additional for the cousin, or whatever he buys for his cousin he has to buy for the other girls!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I guess what I would want to know is, why does he think it’s appropriate or necessary for her to get an extra gift? Does he not like your gift plan? Is there something specific he knows she wants? Or some other reason? I think the why is more important than the what.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    If anyone should get more of a gift, its the MOH!

    The topic ‘Please help us settle this dispute re: Bridal Party Gifts’ is closed to new replies.

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