Post # 1
OK Bees, I need some help/suggestions here…
So I am having a really hard time to get a hold of my officiant. She never return my phone calls, and e-mails are slow.
WTH! My wedding is less than a month and her attitude is really getting on my nerve!! We haven’t had our rehersal yet! Without the ceremony, there is not a real wedding! and seems like she does NOT care/respect me!
I am thinking about firing her, but then I will lose my deposit. I don’t want to waste the money, but I don’t want to risk anything either.
What would you do? Please help me decide… thanks!
Post # 3
How long have you been trying to get ahold of her? Is there any physical place you can go to and see if she’s there, maybe find out if something bad (God forbid) happened to her?
Post # 4
How slow are emails and how did you find her? Meaning – is she a pastor at the church, a judge, etc.
When she does respond, does she respond to your inquiry?
Do you have someone else in mind you’d rather use?
Post # 5
Maybe I am just freaking out or something…It’s a trend that she has this no care attitude all along the way. I was not really pay attention to it b/c at the early planning stage time is not really an issue.
I can go to the place to see if she is there or not. She used her sickness last time already. So I don’t know, i feel like I don’t trust her anymore…
Post # 6
@LittleBruin: for piece of mind, I voted to fire her. of course, I also live in a state that says no one can charge more than $50 to perform the ceremony. 😉 Gotta love the laws (sometimes).
Seriously, if she isn’t replying to anything at a month out, find someone else who is more reliable. If for no other reason than piece of mind that they WILL be there for the rehersal, will know what you two want, and will actually be there for the ceremony!
good luck and sorry you’ve gotta deal with this!!!
Post # 7
Sometimes e-mails take a day or two to responde. Sometimes take longer. Never answer the phone/my voicemail. I found her online and reviews are good. I wonder why.
And yes I have someone else in mind. I just don’t want to deal with this lady anymore. I have already had too much to worry about.
Post # 8
I would say suck it up and fire her, but not before you have the other person briefed and waiting so you know you have someone to take over. I also would ask her for some if not all of the deposit back (it cant hurt to try), citing the number of emails you have sent and the average response time as well as the phone calls with no response. If she is decent, she will realize that she is at fault and try to attempt to make it right. Good luck!
Post # 9
That can be really frustrating, and that’s why we fired ours a month before the wedding and it was the best thing we did. We ended up getting our deposit back because the lady violated the contract by not keeping up her end of the deal. So maybe you can look through your contract for a loophole like that?
One thing that I wanted to mention is that 99% of rehearsals are not until the day before your wedding. So I wouldn’t expect her to have already set one up unless you already talked about having it in advance.
Post # 10
IMO – the ceremony is a lot about the officiant and you want to have good vibes from them!
How much are you out if you fire her?
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to take a couple days to respond (IF AND ONLY IF the response is thorough).
It’s a little annoying she won’t return your calls (does she email instead)? Although- I tend to email instead of respond to calls because I hate playing phone tag…. so, I DO kinda get that part.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to take a day or two to get back to you. It would be nice if she was A) apologetic for keeping you waiting and B) told you the best way to get hold of her. Maybe she is really phenomenal at putting on a ceremony. It is important that you click with her though.
You said you haven’t had the rehearsal yet, isn’t that usually done the week of?
Do you mean you haven’t met with her to figure out details of your ceremony yet?
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2011 - St. Joseph's Parish, Seattle Tennis Club
My officiant is impossible to get in touch with also. So frustrating!! Good luck!
Post # 13
OK, contact states:
“I understand that I may cancel the even with written notice, received and acknowledged, no less than 21 days prior to the event date. 100% of the deposit and fees will be forfeited and shall be retained as full compensation for services performed, labor commitments made, and costs incurred in planning and preparing for the event.”
Does that mean the contact is not refundable, EVEN IF I give written notice 21 days prior? I just don’t see the point giving 21 days notice if 100% deposit will be forfeited.
I feel I am such an idiot now…
I will not lose a lot of money but still…it’s my hard earned money!
Post # 14
I did ask about the best time to call, and I called at the time she told me to. Still no one picked up. That’s why I am so annoyed by all this.
And yes, I mean I have not meet with her to discuss details of my ceremony even. I wrote my entire ceremony WITHOUT her help, and she has yet to provide feedback.
Post # 15
@LittleBruin: now I see where you are starting to sweat, you don’t mean the rehearsal but a meeting period. Have you contacted the other officiant you are interested in to see if they are available on your wedding date?
The contract is kind of vague as to whether or not your deposit is refundable. She has not at this point performed any services, incurred costs or as far as you know planned for the event (not that you would know because she never gets back to you) She has however (hopefully) maybe made a labor committment. You could email her stating that as she has not done any of the above you are requesting your deposit back. I bet that would get a quick reply.
Post # 16
It sounds like anything you paid so far is non-refundable. What do you exactly want to go over with her? If the ceremony is written, there shouldn’t be too many issues (I wouldn’t think). I think most rehearsals are done the day before the wedding.