(Closed) "NO! You are not invited" 1st wedding dilemma.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do you think we should do?

    Keep our website and specify who is invited in the mailed invitations (how do we word this?)

    Change websites. Use RSVP option where you make your guest list and number attending (what site?)

    Other; explained below.

  • Post # 4
    5473 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We used inner and outer envelopes and didn’t run into any trouble about people getting confused.  The outer envelope has the couple’s name on it (Mr. and Mrs. Jake Smith) and the inner envelop has the names of those invited, so if we wanted to include their children it would be Mr. and Mrs. Jake Smith and the next line would list the children in order of age.  Since we only included a small number of older children we just put the couple or individual or individual and guest on the inner envelopes.

    Post # 5
    11265 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Mimoza:  i am not sure if i completely follow what you’re saying but if that website is not going to allow the proper amount of guests to rsvp, then don’t use that source.  it may cause you more problems. 

    the invites should state who is invited to the wedding.  some guests just ignore it, i know.

    why not just do the rsvp cards and put on them the number of guests that are invited?

    Post # 6
    4113 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Our STD’s and invites we did the same – addressed it to who was invited – Mr and Mrs Tom Jones or The Jones family.

    We are using http://www.weddingwire.com for our website. I uploaded the name of each person invited so when the person goes to the RSVO page, they search for their name – IE. Tom Jones goes and searches under last name for Jones – Tom, Amy, Rachel and Mark come up. They can only choose attending or not attending for each person. There is no way for them to add people in.

    Post # 7
    11231 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    You can keep the website (or redo one on weddingwire like 

    View original reply
    @Glasgowbound suggested) and just put the names of those invited on the invitation (either on the outer envelope or on the inner envelope, if you’re doing one). If people RSVP for extras, call them ASAP and tell them no.

    Post # 10
    2716 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    View original reply
    @Mimoza:  When you order invites, they send you 2 envelopes. One to stick everything in, and one to mail with. You put everything in the inner envelope (invite, RSVP, any other notes) and then label it with who you want to attend. Then you stick it in the outter envelope, and address it formally to your guest.

    Quite the pain in the butt.

    Post # 12
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

    Whomever’s name is on the invitation is invited, anyone not on the invitation is not (unless you have “and guest” and then they let you know who their ONE guest is). That’s the rule of thumb, but you’re going to have people not know/ignore it. We did not do online RSVPs (also using mywedding.com) for this exact reason. We also have “we have reserved __ place(s) in your honor” on our RSVP cards and then wrote in the number of people invited–2, 4, whatever. Hopefully people will get the hint.

    Also–slightly off topic–the general consensus seems to be that people do not always RSVP online. We tried to make it easy for people by having pre-stamped envelopes with hte reply cards, they just have to write their names and if they are coming. Of course I just sent out test ones to our bridal party and half of them haven’t responded, but…. Anyway, I would recommend some kind of paper reply, or maybe set up a gmail address or something?

    Post # 13
    523 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

    We are going to specify who is actually invited on the invitation. I think that is usually done with an inner envelope, but we are using a pocketfold invitation, so we will write the names on the back of the pocketfold and insert it so the names are showing when they open the invitation.

    Post # 14
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I chose other as an option.  Why not create an email address specifically for your wedding and ask guests to RSVP to that?  My cousin did this and her email was like [email protected].  She also addressed the invitation envelopes specifically with the names of only those that were invited.

    Post # 15
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We did both…we specified on the invitation BY NAME who is invited (aka no plus ones or anything, if the SO was invited as a guest, they were invited by name) and then used the Knot’s wedding website (it comes out as ournames.ourwedding.com) which lets you input the guest list and then they have to type in their names and select it from the guest list to RSVP, they can’t just add people without emailing us and asking us to add them to the list first. We’ve had no problems with people adding on people. We had a couple people call and ask if they could bring their SOs who weren’t initially invited, we told them we’d have to wait and see what the final count came down to and let them know later, and in the end we did have enough space to let them bring them, so we added them to the guest list, and they RSVPed after we did so.

    Post # 16
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    @Glasgowbound:  I decided on weddingwire’s wedding websites for this very reason – the RSVP tool is great – no way for people to add additional guests. Now, many guests may RSVP via paper and write people in, but at least this means the online RSVPs can’t be botched!

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