Post # 1
I am newly engaged and planning my wedding for next Sept. I’m on the registry section of my wedding website and having trouble wording the fact I prefer cash over traditional boxed gifts. My fiance and I live in CA and our wedding will be in NY with about 180 guests. It’s just not practical to lug everything back home with us. Plus we’ve been together for 7 years and basically have everything, including 3 blenders!
We are paying for the wedding ourselves and don’t need money for the honeymoon either, so not asking guests to help pay for our wedding in any way. We are though, saving up for a down payment for a house, and planning to have kids soon, so if guests really do want to give a gift, money would be the most helpful.
I don’t plan to put this on the invitation, but is there a way to word this on our wedding website? Alternatively, I could also just remove the Registry info all together, but at the end of the day, we just want to be practical and smart with our future. As a side note, I plan to send guests the link to the wedding website with this information, then send invitations out (without the request for $$$) at a later date.
What do you guys think?
Thanks for your input!
Post # 3
There is no way to word this. You cannot say it – it will always cause a huge uproar to ask for cash (illogical though it may be that it’s fine to ask for gifts).
A few options: register for a few small things that it will actually save you money to not have to replace later (towels, pots/pans, etc), and register for gift cards, which is possible on some sites. Get the word out by word of mouth that you’re in greater need of cash. But be prepared for people to give you whatever they feel like, not what you ask for.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I have a similar situation, and the advice I’ve read is 1) Very rude to say anything about this explicitly, 2) Create a smallish registry with stuff you do need but not a ton, and 3) Have your parents etc. tell people (when they ask) that you prefer monetary gifts.
Post # 5
I agree with PPs. In our social group, it seems people assume that if you have a small (or no) regitstry, it’s because you’d rather receive cash. But yeah, no polite way to state that on your website!
Post # 6
@ProfessorGirl: Grrr…it does seem illogical, doesn’t it?! The option to register for stuff I won’t have to replace later is a good idea, though, I’d prob have to ship it back to CA…thanks for your input 🙂
Post # 7
@lolot: I’ve probably read the same articles you have! Most couples live together for a while and accumulate their own things before getting married these days. These rules need to evolve with the times! Not any time soon, I guess…. sigh.
All helpful advice here guys, thanks!
Post # 8
This drives me CRAZY! I understand why some people would be offended by just asking for monetary gifts, but from the flip side of being a guest, I would much rather gift people with what they need rather than things they don’t want or need. If what they need is cash towards a down payment, I’m all for it. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all… but that’s just me!
We’re still struggling with this for our own invitations, so we’ll see how it ends up!
Post # 9
If the wedding is a long ways from home, enlist a family member to spread the “SHIP YOUR GIFTS!” word around. I like presents over cash so we got lots of “stuff” and my mom very gently reminded all of my family and her friends that we’d be travelling a few hours back home and wouldn’t be able to take everything, that shipping it ahead would probably be best. There were 3 gifts at the wedding! My shower was just the day before so I had quite a few boxes, but everything (except my dress) fit in our car!
That family member or friend could also nicely inform your guests that you really don’t need a lot of stuff, you’re going to be moving soon and want to save up for a family (hint, give them money).
Post # 10
I don’t want to inconvenience my mom (who will likely be stuck shipping the gifts to CA from NY). Plus the price of shipping gifts, esp heavy gifts is not cheap either.
I am really hoping guests get the hint!
Post # 11
Most of my gifts came shipped direct from Bed, Bath & Beyond. If you take your 20% coupon to the store, with shipping & tax you pay about sticker price. I don’t know if they changed their policy, but right now shipping is FREE for stuff that’s not available in-store.
Post # 12
We got married out of state and the registries had an option for a shipping address. All of our guests who bought off the registry shipped our guests to our home, though most people gave us money (which is the norm where we’re frome). Hopefully your guests will know that it’s impractical for you to take much back with you.
Post # 13
Make sure you put your CA address for shipping–all registries should have a shipping option. Register for a few things, and have your mom(s) spread it around that you guys have everything you need, but that you’re saving for a downpayment on a home. People should hopefully get the hint.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
“Due to the distance between our wedding ceremony and our home, we kindly ask guests to not bring any large boxed gifts”
Keep/remove the word “large” at your discretion, depending on how strict you’d like the “rule” to be. The trick to the etiquette is that you’re not requesting something, you’re requesting against something!
I think most people would get the hint (it’s an extremely logical reason!), and those who hate giving cash will have the option of either a gift card to your registry store or they will ship their Big Boxed Thing to your home.
Post # 16
Or, how about registering for very few large/heavy gifts (AKA no kitchenaid mixer) and for smaller gifts, in addition to not registering for very many things so people get the cash hint?
That way you and your mom won’t have to deal with shipping heavy things back.