(Closed) Please help………am I selfish/overreacting???

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m sorry, but you can’t tell someone not to get pregnant.  It’s a major life changing event, just like a wedding.  At 3 months old, the baby should be asleep most of the time and will not cause a fuss during the ceremony.  I think it’s unfair to suggest that your FI’s sister stay home because you don’t want any kids at the wedding.  It’s not like you can reasonably leave a 3-4 month old baby at home with a babysitter for several day.  

Post # 4
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well….you can do whatever you want as long as you’re willing to accept the consequences. Can you ask a mother to leave her newborn at home while she leaves the state? Frankly no.

On a scale of things to be worried about, honestly I think this is pretty small. Welcome the new addition, wish him or her well, and continue with your planning with the assumption that the little one will be there, most likely sleeping.

Post # 5
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I understand your frustration, but you can’t expect her to leave her newborn @ home for a Destination Wedding. So her options would be bring the baby & upset you or not come at all. Wouldn’t you rather have ALL of your loved ones?

Post # 7
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

With it being a destination wedding, I don’t see how she would not bring her newborn. However, I do completely understand where you are coming from. I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who will be having her baby a few months before my wedding. I’m hoping that I can find a way around her bringing her baby without sounding rude. I don’t want children/babies either. Luckily, the wedding is local and there are plenty who will be able to babysit. Sorry that you are frustrated, fiji_girl.

Post # 8
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I really don’t think ALL the attention will be on her and the baby, relax!  It’s still your day to shine!  And like the others have said, the 3mos. old will probably sleep through the entire event, so don’t worry about he/she interrupting the ceremony or anything.  I’m sure your FH wants his sister and new nephew/niece there, right?  I think you’re overreacting just a wee bit, lol, and I bet you things will still work out to give you your amazing wedding! 

Post # 9
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

“am I selfish/overreacting???”

Yes.

 

 

…sorry, but you did ask. People have tried to help put it in perspective. If you just wanted people to agree with you, perhaps you should have phrased it differently. Also, you keep referencing how long you waited and how she got married first and you want a day about you and the attention will be on the baby — I think your concern is more that enough people won’t be fawning on you and less about a baby in general. There are ongoing debates about children at weddings, and I personally am not a big fan. I think that since you made it clear up front that no children are invited, it should be left up to the couple to come without the baby and find suitable accommodations or to not come at all. Why can’t they bring the baby to the destination and find a hotel affiliate/qualified babysitter for during your events? You make it sound like this baby can’t come near the island at all or you’ll be unhappy.

Post # 10
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Wow.. Sometimes our emotions keep us from thinking rationally.. Here it is:

She can’t leave her three month old baby for days at the time because

1) it needs to be fed and the babie’s food is in the mom’s breasts.

2) a mother to a newborn will not want to be separated from her child for that long.

So, maybe you’re upset about this, but you will need to come to terms with it, or ask her not to come, which would really risk making relationships difficult with your new family – and the blame would be put on you.

Post # 11
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You said that you already made it clear that children were not invited to the event. Since you’ve said it, that’s ideally the way it should be. I don’t know if you can expect a new mom to leave her child in a different state, but is it possible to find a qualified babysitter on the island? If it is really important to you, I’d express this to your fiance and have him talk it through with you, your sister-in-law and brother-in-law.

Post # 12
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yes plain and simple -you are being selfish.

How you feel and what would you do if the roles were reversed?  It’s a baby, not like she is planning a wedding for the same place, date & time.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@fiji_girl:  Presumably, then, you would want the groom’s parents to skip your wedding to babysit?

Were they already planning on not coming?

More to the point, you want the groom’s closest living relative to stay away because you’re worried about a baby? 

Post # 14
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t mean to seem harsh, but to answer the question of…” Am I being selfish/overreacting”? The answer is YES. Honestly, I can’t imagine a mother leaving her NEWBORN behind for several days with family or friends and even LESS leave their child with a “qualified sitter” on the island. Wow! I wouldn’t advocate leaving a young child with a perfect stranger on an island… I don’t care what their background is. Don’t give it to much thought, I’m sure the little one will not take away from you and your groom.

Post # 15
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Um, yeah, you are. Sorry. You are seriously worried about a baby taking the attention off you? Wow.

Also, it’s the wedding and celebration of you AND YOUR FIANCE, not just you. Wanted to throw that in there. A wedding takes two people.

Post # 16
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

“Why can’t she leave it at home? His parents live near her and they can watch it.”

First of all, it’s not an “it” it’s a newborn baby, and it’s going to be your niece or nephew. You can’t ask 1) a first time mom and 2) a mom of a child that young to be separated for a few days, and I’m sorry, I wouldn’t trust my newborn to a resort “babysitter” in a state that might as well be another country from me. 

We are having a no kids wedding, however, we have made an exception for nursing children. You just can’t cut a mom and infant from each other like that.

So, yes, you are overreacting and being selfish. If it’s a destination wedding the “fawning” will be the first few hrs, not the entire event week or on your wedding day. I can’t believe you would want to not invite his sister and her husband or separate them from a newborn.

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