Post # 1
My wedding is a destination wedding in Maui next summer. I waited nine long years for the ring and I’m finally happy I get to to have a celebration of me(I have witnessed several friends get married.)
So his sister (who got married seven years before me even though we started dating at the same time) is the youngest and first grandkid to be pregnant. She’s due in April and wants to bring the baby in August.
Now I just know that all of the attention will be focused on her. I’m sorry, but n othing competes with a new baby. I feel like our marriage will be old news. Not only that, but I don’t want babies or toddlers at our wedding. I made that perfectly clear before she got pregnant. What do I do? Can I really tell his sister with a newborn that she can’t bring it??
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but you can’t tell someone not to get pregnant. It’s a major life changing event, just like a wedding. At 3 months old, the baby should be asleep most of the time and will not cause a fuss during the ceremony. I think it’s unfair to suggest that your FI’s sister stay home because you don’t want any kids at the wedding. It’s not like you can reasonably leave a 3-4 month old baby at home with a babysitter for several day.
Post # 4
Well….you can do whatever you want as long as you’re willing to accept the consequences. Can you ask a mother to leave her newborn at home while she leaves the state? Frankly no.
On a scale of things to be worried about, honestly I think this is pretty small. Welcome the new addition, wish him or her well, and continue with your planning with the assumption that the little one will be there, most likely sleeping.
Post # 5
I understand your frustration, but you can’t expect her to leave her newborn @ home for a Destination Wedding. So her options would be bring the baby & upset you or not come at all. Wouldn’t you rather have ALL of your loved ones?
Post # 6
I’m sorry, but I’m a little shocked at these comments. I always have a hard time when people tell me what shouldn’t be a big deal to me. I have been planning this day for a long time. I don’t care for babies and I didn’t ask her to get pregnant. Why can’t she leave it at home? His parents live near her and they can watch it.
A random baby isn’t a big deal, but a three month old at my destination wedding of the groom’s sister is.
Post # 7
With it being a destination wedding, I don’t see how she would not bring her newborn. However, I do completely understand where you are coming from. I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who will be having her baby a few months before my wedding. I’m hoping that I can find a way around her bringing her baby without sounding rude. I don’t want children/babies either. Luckily, the wedding is local and there are plenty who will be able to babysit. Sorry that you are frustrated, fiji_girl.
Post # 8
I really don’t think ALL the attention will be on her and the baby, relax! It’s still your day to shine! And like the others have said, the 3mos. old will probably sleep through the entire event, so don’t worry about he/she interrupting the ceremony or anything. I’m sure your FH wants his sister and new nephew/niece there, right? I think you’re overreacting just a wee bit, lol, and I bet you things will still work out to give you your amazing wedding!
Post # 9
“am I selfish/overreacting???”
…sorry, but you did ask. People have tried to help put it in perspective. If you just wanted people to agree with you, perhaps you should have phrased it differently. Also, you keep referencing how long you waited and how she got married first and you want a day about you and the attention will be on the baby — I think your concern is more that enough people won’t be fawning on you and less about a baby in general. There are ongoing debates about children at weddings, and I personally am not a big fan. I think that since you made it clear up front that no children are invited, it should be left up to the couple to come without the baby and find suitable accommodations or to not come at all. Why can’t they bring the baby to the destination and find a hotel affiliate/qualified babysitter for during your events? You make it sound like this baby can’t come near the island at all or you’ll be unhappy.
Post # 10
Wow.. Sometimes our emotions keep us from thinking rationally.. Here it is:
She can’t leave her three month old baby for days at the time because
1) it needs to be fed and the babie’s food is in the mom’s breasts.
2) a mother to a newborn will not want to be separated from her child for that long.
So, maybe you’re upset about this, but you will need to come to terms with it, or ask her not to come, which would really risk making relationships difficult with your new family – and the blame would be put on you.
Post # 11
You said that you already made it clear that children were not invited to the event. Since you’ve said it, that’s ideally the way it should be. I don’t know if you can expect a new mom to leave her child in a different state, but is it possible to find a qualified babysitter on the island? If it is really important to you, I’d express this to your fiance and have him talk it through with you, your sister-in-law and brother-in-law.
Post # 12
Yes plain and simple -you are being selfish.
How you feel and what would you do if the roles were reversed? It’s a baby, not like she is planning a wedding for the same place, date & time.
Post # 13
@fiji_girl: Presumably, then, you would want the groom’s parents to skip your wedding to babysit?
Were they already planning on not coming?
More to the point, you want the groom’s closest living relative to stay away because you’re worried about a baby?
Post # 14
I don’t mean to seem harsh, but to answer the question of…” Am I being selfish/overreacting”? The answer is YES. Honestly, I can’t imagine a mother leaving her NEWBORN behind for several days with family or friends and even LESS leave their child with a “qualified sitter” on the island. Wow! I wouldn’t advocate leaving a young child with a perfect stranger on an island… I don’t care what their background is. Don’t give it to much thought, I’m sure the little one will not take away from you and your groom.
Post # 15
Um, yeah, you are. Sorry. You are seriously worried about a baby taking the attention off you? Wow.
Also, it’s the wedding and celebration of you AND YOUR FIANCE, not just you. Wanted to throw that in there. A wedding takes two people.
Post # 16
“Why can’t she leave it at home? His parents live near her and they can watch it.”
First of all, it’s not an “it” it’s a newborn baby, and it’s going to be your niece or nephew. You can’t ask 1) a first time mom and 2) a mom of a child that young to be separated for a few days, and I’m sorry, I wouldn’t trust my newborn to a resort “babysitter” in a state that might as well be another country from me.
We are having a no kids wedding, however, we have made an exception for nursing children. You just can’t cut a mom and infant from each other like that.
So, yes, you are overreacting and being selfish. If it’s a destination wedding the “fawning” will be the first few hrs, not the entire event week or on your wedding day. I can’t believe you would want to not invite his sister and her husband or separate them from a newborn.