(Closed) Please Help.(Very long, Very desperate)

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know exactly how this feels. If you want to pm me during this process, please feel free!

First thing that’s fresh on my mind is to call around to area bars and ask if they have special rates for bachelorette parties. Most of the places around me had free cover for them which solved a big budget problem for us. I do think they should be providing input for the bach and shower equally. One thing I did to make sure the other girls chipped in for the bach was to assign them tasks (which cost money) because I bought a couple hundred dollars in props for the party. As far as drinks, you were on your own to buy those at the bar. The other guests we had actually bought a few rounds.

Hopefully you can find some middle ground! Good luck!

Post # 4
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would probably stop involving them, plan a reasonable party and just send them an invite when the time comes. If they aren’t willing to compromise, they can take the bride on their own 3-person bachelorette party on their own time.

Post # 5
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, that’s just what I was going to say.


Pick your own date, plan your own party. If you need help, ask a woman in the bride’s family or mutual girlfriends. Gain support from other people that you and the bride know in common, so you can have some perspective.

If the other two are upset about it, simply tell them that their date didn’t work for you, but they are free to do all those things with the bride, and your party will be such and such date.

I wouldn’t even tell them you are changing plans. Just do the invite as someone else suggested. You owe these women NOTHING but politeness whenever you “see” them. So don’t feel you have to respond to any emails they might send after you make your decisions. Only answer relevant questions, don’t exchange barbs, and smile in their faces. when it’s over, you never have to see them again if you don’t want to.

I wouldn’t stress the bride over it. Just tell her that you had to change your plans for such and such reason, but since they want to do their thing so soon, she’s welcome to go with them and then spend the night that you create closer to the wedding with you and those you invite.

Always remember that it’s about the bride and groom, not all this other crap. And yes, anyone asking you for a night like they asked, but not wanting to pay anything, they ought to be dating a football player. I can’t possibly  in the realm of reality see 5 to 10 girls going out for a night on the town like that while one girl foots the bill. That’s outrageous unless you’re Jessica Simpson or somebody. The wedding dress might not even cost as much as a night like that would cost.

I don’t know what you plan to do, but be safe. Remember, a good bachelorette party usually works with the bride and maybe only 4 or 5 other women. The bigger it gets, the more out of control it gets, especially if people are drinking and driving all around. You don’t need a bunch of folks, espcially people you don’t know and don’t know how they’ll be when drunk.


I’d rent a nice hotel room, maybe get a male friend to designate the driving. Rent a nice sized car or SUV for the 5 or 6 of you, have drinks and dinner in the hotel room, go to a nice club, be done.

Post # 6
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Why are you involving them?  Just plan it and send them an invitation with the rest of the guests since they are not willing to contribute.  They are not the bosses of the prewedding parties and have declined to participate in planning–you have no reason to involve them.  

Post # 7
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Yes – if you are the Maid/Matron of Honor, and you are the hostess of the party, then the decisions about what to do, where to go, and how much to spend rest with you. It’s fine if they’re hosting a shower and they make the decisions about what to do for that, but for the party that you’re hosting, they do not get to tell you what they want to do and where to go. You get to tell them where to go. In fact, it sounds like they need someone to do exactly that.
(Tee hee, see what I did there? Wink)

Post # 8
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

TO be super frank:  YOU ARE THE Maid/Matron of Honor.  The bride needs to woman up and let everybody know that as much as they love her, YOU are the brides representative and you will always be working with her best interest in mind. 

The IL’s are a little out of hand, and I can understand if they are resentful because you are the Maid/Matron of Honor but to me that just means that 1) they don’t realize that you are the Queen Bee, under the Bride Bee, and 2) that you work pretty much in everybody’s interests.  I think that they are being a little unfair, I do.  It sounds like your bride may be hesitant to say this to the girls so then you have to decide whether you want to keep the peace and you and bride go with the flow, or if you want to call them up and politically (meaning nice but firm) say that this is the way it’s going to be and it’s in the interest of all parties, especially the bride, that you do X or Y or Z.  There is nothing wrong with a shower and stagette on the same day, in fact it makes it easier on a lot of people.

You’re not in the wrong.  This is why she chose YOU.

Post # 9
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You know how they are being uncompromising and just telling you their limits? Do the same. The Bride is your focus, keep her happy, and if there are other BM’s that aren’t being crazy work with them. 🙂 

See, you’re too nice.

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