- 4 years ago
If you look back at my last post you’ll see what I just went through a few weeks ago.
I’ve since got my own place and moved out which is great.
But the problem is, we decided to ‘try again’ at the relationship that we had… hardly anyone knows this, least of all my parents. I agreed at the promise of counselling and that we would live apart and work on the relationship. So that we can perhaps try and save what is ‘great’ about us.
It’s been tumultous to say the least. Great one second, then volatile the next.
I got fed up the night before last because we had another argument – basically about the fact that I don’t live with him anymore. He is really unhappy about it.
I got home the next day from work and a girlfriend asked me out for drinks, I got ready and headed out (last night)
The BF and I were text-fighting and was angry with me because we had semi-plans and I joined my friend instead – even though I kept asking him what he wanted to do and couldn’t get a response so I agreed to go with my friend
I had a few drinks and ran into a guy I used to work with, and we chatted for about an hour and were having a really nice time. In that time my friend had to go but urged me to stay and said that I can give a cab her address and come stay as I couldn’t drive home. I stayed on and chatted some more until he walked me to the cab rank.
We decided that we would share a cab – and he had been quite flirty with me all night – calling me beautiful and smart. When the cab pulled up at his place he paid the driver and then thanked me for a nice night – and leant over and kissed me on the lips before getting out.
It happened so fast.
I was a bit wonderstruck.
I went back and slept on my friend’s couch all giddy and in the morning went to see my BF to basically have ‘the talk’ and tell him that I just can’t handle this relationship anymore.
We cried a lot and argued a lot and then –
He sincerely asked me to marry him.
I basically just cried and said that there were so many times and I waited for so long for him to ask me that – and now is terrible timing.
He was pretty upset that I’d basically said no and I consoled him as much as I could.
I am absolutely disgusted with myself bees, cheating in my books is wrong and I never should have put myself in the situation with my former work colleague. He had asked me about my boyfriend and I’d said that we’d broken up….. It just explained why I wasn’t with him as much.
I am a horrible person.. I’m horrified at myself
And now I just keep getting texts from the BF (former BF?) that all read really sad (e.g “You’re the only person in the world that I thought I mattered to. I saw us having adventures our whole lives… unrequited and unrealised dreams are the worst”)
In all of this, he’s just hurt me so much that I don’t think that I love him. Not like I used to.
This is like something out of a romance drama…
I don’t think this relationship will work and will need to be formally ended but I just feel so guilty that this has happened. I’ll never tell him, but I have an over-active conscience… and then he asked me to marry him, wow, I’m a horrible woman! He doesn’t deserve this. I feel extremely bad.