(Closed) Please.. I need some help :(

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

Awww you should give yourself a break. It sounds to me that you really know what you want but are just a little afraid to make a clean break. 

I think the way he is behaving now is an indication how controlling he is. You wrote that you expect threats of suicide! If he’s serious, then you need to let the police or a doctor know that he intends to harm himself. He needs to be in supervised psychiatric treatment. 

My guess is that actually his using stuff like this to emotionally blackmail you. If he really loved you, do you think he could send you messages implying you would be responsible for him killing himself?!? That’s seriously disgustingly selfish and horrible thing to try to put that on someone that you’re supposed to love. He’s trying to guilt you into being with him/under his control. That’s just not healthy. It’s not a real loving partnership. 

I’ve been in the same situation where I was afraid to leave someone that I was with a few years, even though things had gotten bad. What got me through was realistically imagining spending my whole life with him. It just gave me this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just knew I would end up so unhappy. 

I’d tell him straight up that your done. If you get suicide threats, tell his family, let them help him or talk sense into him. If he continues to message you, block him and cut off contact. I hope things get better soon and they will! 

Post # 33
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Claire324:  seriously, please leave, he’s being nice because he HAS to be nice.

Do you remember how he would pick a fight with you? make you feel bad? how you wanted to cry all the time?

That’s him. the REAL him

Post # 34
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

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@Claire324:  

I read your message. Really it didnt matter if I reallly know him for 2 years or more. He is still do the wrenchingly sorry all the time everytimes when we have just a friends catching up. I have seen it. He is still doing this for 1 and half years. The smallest thing he has improved is realised what he have done and changed his attitude and respect me so much more because I stood my ground and told him off. I still will not give him a chance because I know that it will not make me happy if he is not changed or improve himself and how to manage his financial (not sure about this spelling). I cannot stand to see if he has not changed or improve because it will not make me happy. I had to walked away from him he wasted my time since he wasnt sure about me if i am the one or not and stall the relationship way too long plus he wasnt ready. All of these was bullshit excuses. I gave it up and get on with my life since I have life to do things way better than this. I have told him that I am not willing to put my life on hold just for him just becuase he is not sure. Hell he had 4 and half years to think about. He is still stupid guy. 

Well my relationship with EX was difficult because I was his first gf and he was my 5th bf. I had to teach him the lots of steps of relationship. He was much more like lala teenager boy for having gf first time. Through 4 half years I had to teach him the lots even still he has not learnt. This made me frustrating so many times becuase I feel like I am his mother not girlfriend. When the bad things happened I tried made him to come over to talk face to face to sort out the problems he never did. He leave it way too long like 2 weeks then sort it out. He thinks it is ok to do that. I have tried to explained etc. it didnt work because he dont really understand how relationship works. He thinks the relationship should be like a rainbow with no dark cloud and thunder to pass over. the good times we had was wonderful but the little things on my mind i just knowing that it will not make me happy in a long term because he is still not understand about relationship not even show the commitement, compromise and communication. He was way too much boyish (too much party boy and blew all his money alot) not even think about relationship until I walked on him…I suddenly be single. 

Through my 1 half year being single and be his good close friend. I choice to be his good friend and help him to made him to understand. There are many bad times when he did talk to me about our old relationsihp why it didnt work out. I had to point the small part what it didnt work out and explained everything. When he was down or wish that we could have be engaged or wish we are in relationship again. I had to be serious, act like a mother or be a bitch to telling him off and put a sense in him and made him to see the way what is right or wrong or what is acceptable or what is not acceptable. Then I tell him this is end of the day it is your choice not mine. I cant do anything about it and you have to deal with it. Sorry. I had to be firm with him. This is only a way to make him to see the point and realised what the heck he have done and learnt from it. 

You said that “Will I ever meet another best friend who likes ALL of the things that I do in life? Travel, music, food, interests, exercise etc? Did anyone else find this again?” Of course you will.. I have someone how is young than I, we became good firend (current guy) and like each other at this point, i dont feel ready to be in relationship again because I am really happy and enjoying my life being single and do things on my own. Current guy understood how exactly I feel and he is not putting any pressure on me. He just let me to enjoy my life… EX find it hard to let me go to enjoy my life becuase he has been single all his life for a long time and want to be in relationship now. i still tell him it is way too late and not my problem. Really eventhrough EX still tell me please do not leave it too long becuase I want to enjoy my life and not feel ready for relationship. I told him off sorry you cant tell me waht to do becuase I have no feelings for you. Why shouldnt i not leave it too long. I rather let the time comes when I feel ready. I will not let my EX to force me to be in relationship with him again like what the did to me in the first place even it didnt work out at the end…. 

“….. I really think that he is super controlling. I spent time with him yesterday and when it came time for me to leave he got really upset, couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stay longer (It was two hours before a 9 hour shift and I needed to get ready and do some washing etc before I went). He was also upset that I’d spent some time while we were together on Facebook on my phone. But I’d also cooked him dinner and he’d hardly helped. “ Tell him grow up. Dont be like a child and tough up. Just walk out on him and dont be like his mother. He is doing this on purpose to make you stay longer. He thinks the way he behaves will make you to go back to him. This is exactly same thing like what my ex did. When it was just us catching up as friend suddenly he tried to have sex with me.. because he thinks sex will make me to fall in love with ex all over again. Clearly I had to slapped him and told him off it didnt work like that way. I just walkd away. He tried again again over many times. I end up told him I am not gonna accept this anymore and I will end this friendship becuase he dont respect me and my body. It impacted him big time and got the message… becuase I am willing to take him to the police if he tried hard which it is likely force me for sex.. now the times we see each other is much better just get on as friends and hug as friends no kiss or anything because I have a busy life. He got the message that I have life to do. He is not own me.

You have to be tough up and be bitch. This is only a way to make him realised that it will not work on you. Didnt matter if it is an emotional blackmail or blaming you but you have the strong proof to prove him wrong. He will feel shit big time. He will have to go thorugh this and learn this mistake. He have to see this. IF he really really wants you… he have to work very hard to change and improve himself in a better way to treat you better like a queen and gold but the fact is it is a long way to go. Please do not fall in if he changed or improve himself in a short term. It didnt work out. To be honest while he tired this way there will be a better guy come along to surprise you alot more with lots of respectful and treat you like a queen and princess or gold. You will feel much happier than what you were before. 

whoa that is very long. sorry. I hope this helps you… 

Post # 37
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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@Claire324:  I am glad you are standing up for yourself! Big hugs, it will be easier eventually.

 

as for your OP and that kiss from an old friend: I wish you many, many giddy kisses in the future!! They will come, I promise!

Post # 38
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

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@Claire324:  I’m so proud of you for standing up and walking away. You were not being treated right and you asserted yourself.

I know the pain is so acute right now. I remember when my ex and I broke up it hurt so bad I thought I was literally going to die. It will get better. It’ll hurt for a while, you might think that you made a mistake but you didn’t, you realized that he could never be the man you need. You will find a guy who will treat you right and it will feel amazing!!

Post # 39
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Claire324:  congratulations on starting a new chapter! Maybe there will be times where it’s hard, but you did the right thing!

You deserve so much better, good luck. 🙂 keep us posted <3

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