(Closed) please in need of advice

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

Hmmmm, thats a tough one. As it would be a lot of kids, I get what you are saying. I dont think it has to be an all or nothing approach. I think its ok to pick and choose which kids are invited, just like is done for adults. If its a child you know well, spend time with on a regular basis, then I say invite them. If its a case of you know that a guest you want to invite has a child, I don’t think you need to extend an invite. You probably already know that if some kids are not invited, their parents who are may choose not to come. Its just part of the process. See if cutting the kids part of the list that way makes the count more manageable for you. Good luck!!

Post # 3
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

No you do not have to invite everyones children. Invite the ones you know and would like to attend. Just because you have your own kids there doesn’t mean you have to invite any other kids much less all of them!

Post # 4
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cwangelita:  There are acceptable lines for not including children: bridal party only, immediate family only, out of town guests only , are examples.

If you don’t want children, invite only your own children. If there are only 1 or 2 children from out of town that you want to include, ask them to be flower girl/ring bearer.

But be prepared if you invite some children and not others and they fall in the same category, someone is bound to be insulted. You really can’t justify including one family because they only have one child and excluding families with multiple children.

Post # 5
12123 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It is most advisable and perfectly acceptable to draw the lines according to relationship. For example, only your children, only children of siblings, or only of family members. It is also OK to draw the line by age, for example, no children under 12, though I would never split apart families, personally. 

But it becomes problematic and potentially offensive when you invite the children of one friend, but not another or the children of one sibling or one cousin only, for instance.  Children in the wedding party are guests, first and foremost, like any other.

Your safest bet is to do all or nothing along these sort of lines. I think it becomes arbitrary and you get into trouble when you invite the only child, but not the one with siblings. 

Post # 7
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

We went with only bridal party and out of town children (some kids fell into both categories) which cut it down to five kids only.  You don’t have to invite all of them.

Post # 8
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We invited kids from out of town only, it would have been impossible otherwise. We felt bad but everyone was fine about it.

Post # 10
4036 posts
Honey bee

That’s a tough call because we didn’t invite out of town kids, because in our case, they’re the ones that we don’t have a relationship with. We capped the guest list at 21 and up. It ended up that 1st cousins were 23 and up or 18 and below, and no families were split. 

My daughter has a couple of 1st cousins she’s only seen a few times in her life, primarily because they live half way across the country. (I’ve never even met the younger of the two). It would have be unfair to the groom’s 6 uninvited 1st cousins, who they see at family events multiple times a year, if they couldn’t attend, but traveling kids could. 

Post # 11
176 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t invite the kids, but let guests know that you have 1-2 babysitters either onsite or at the hotel suite they can leave their kids with. You can pay a sitter $200 and you’ll still come out ahead of having a ton of kids at the wedding. Odds are most won’t even use your sitter anyway. 

Post # 12
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

cwangelita:  We addressed the invitations accordingly – on the envelope it said “The Smith Family” and then we hand wrote the names (“John, Jane, Bob and Sally”) on the invitations so it was clear.  Other things I’ve seen done is that you write “we have reserved 2 seats in your honour” on the RSVP card, or “___of 2 will be attending” so that it’s clear how many people are invited.  Technically it’s poor etiquette to put something like “adult reception to follow” on the invitation but I’ve seen it done – then you can just call those people whose kids are invited and let them know informally.

Post # 14
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it’s an all or nothing. Obviously, your kids have to attend, and people would understand if your rule was no kids except your own (who I am assuming would be part of the wedding in some way). It gets dicey when you start saying “well, you’re from out of town, and you’ve only got one, and you’re like a sister to me” etc. In your situation, I would invite no kids except your own, to avoid people’s feelings being hurt. 

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