Post # 1
just needed to get this off my chest. not sure how its going to come out since you don’t personally know my friend and how “negative” she can be, like she is always one to criticize. i don’t necessarily think she does it on purpose, but it still is a little irritating at times.
i was hanging out with my Bridesmaid or Best Man last night and showed her a picture of the flowers she is going to carry down the aisle. she kind of made a weird face and said “why don’t you want to get tropical flowers?” – i am ordering silk bouquets of red roses because i have always dreamed of having red rose bouquets at my wedding. plus it goes with my wedding colors of red and purple (BM dresses are purple). anyway it just kind of irked me, probably because i had been so excited about the red rose bouquets and so i wanted to share my excitement and i felt she kind of just shot me down – i am probably over-reacting, i know. oh and she said the tropical flower thing because my wedding is in Jamaica.
second thing was we were just talking casually, my sister was there too, and i think we were talking about shoes. and i mentioned that i want to get purple shoes. her response in her judemental tone: “purple shoes with a white dress?” i felt i had to defend it by telling her that we know someone who recently wore blue shoes!
ok i am done, tell me i am crazy for feeling slighted by her comments and tell me if i don’t want to feel that way, i just have to keep my details to myself! or tell me anything else you want to tell me!
Post # 3
im having red rose bouquets as well! to me there is nothing more classic, i love them. and Purple shoes! go girl, i doing red…umm any color matches white. haha
im honeymooning in Jamaica! cannot wait.
when she gets married she can choose whatever she wants. this is YOUR wedding
Post # 4
Wow so rude of her! I’m sorry you are dealing with negativity from her!
Post # 5
There’s nothing wrong with the comments per se. If I was talking to a friend who was having an exotic destination wedding and she said she was having roses I would be interest to find out why she preferred roses over tropical flowers considering the exotic wedding. I wouldn’t mean anything bad by it but just be genuinely interested in her thinking. And your explanation that you have always wanted roses is a great reason.
I’ve had friends be surprised at me wanting coloured shoes too, but I just remind myself that not everyone spends as much time as I do on wedding websites so they may not know coloured shoes is very popular. Perhaps they think all brides have white shoes. It’s nothing to get upset about, just remember that not everyone can read your mind and explain your thinking to them.
But then I guess it all depends on the tone it was said in, if it was very snarky I’d probably get upset too.
Post # 6
It’s been said on here many times before that no one cares about your wedding as much as you do, so I can see how an offhanded comment like that would upset you.
Also, even in the early stages of wedding planning I’ve learned that often times it’s best to keep some of the details to yourself. Everyone has an opinion (positive or negative), and a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that the entire world wants to hear what they have to say 🙂 I’d let it roll off your back and maybe reign in the amount of info you give her, that way she doesn’t have a reason to say something.
Post # 7
Awww those comments do sound a little harsh, just try not to take it personally. I don’t think anyone but us knows how much we care about every little detail of the big day
Post # 8
I wouldn’t think anything of it, I don’t think she is being rude, she just likes different looks then you. She isn’t saying “your idea is bad/ugly” just sharing her opinion.
Everyone has different styles/tastes, so just brush it off and happy planning!
Post # 9
Unfortunately, some people will just be negative. I have a friend that criticizes everything. I showed her my STD and she burst into bitching and complained that they looked like advertisements. lol I said, “That’s the last time I will show you my wedding things, ideas, etc”. I would say, just stop telling her what you plan on doing and don’t ask her how she feels. Just give her what she needs and don’t ask any questions. I would also let her know just how much her constant criticism hurts you. Maybe she will think twice before saying something that might upset you. I am a firm believer in people not realizing what they are doing. Hope this helps! Good luck. I think everything sounds wonderful!
Post # 10
thanks for the support and understanding everyone. i totally agree with the concept that not everyone cares about your wedding as much as you do. and i usually try to really hard not to talk about it too much. but that is just so hard sometimes when you are excited about stuff, you know!
actually i really should have known better with this particular friend. since i got engaged she has had her opinions and criticisms. like when i told her my ceremony would be on the beach, she had a negative reaction, like she never heard of that..she thought it would be at a gazebo by the beach. and compared it to this girl’s wedding from high school that we see on facebook and what she saw in her pictures! then i said, well do you want to see a picture of what my ceremony set up will look like, and she said “no its okay”. i was kind of put off by that too. i mean clearly i am excited about my wedding and i know you are not, but if i ASK to show you something, you can at least go along with it, rather than saying “no thanks, i am not even interested enough or could not be bothered to look at a picture for one second!” (ok, so that was my interpretation, but what would you think).
so basically i KNOW I should keep my mouth shut with her, and i know its her personality in general to be negative and critical (like lots of people feel this way about her). but like i said, it just gets to me sometimes.
@mandy83ala: just wanted to say that i have tried to tell her in the past about her negativity and she herself is very sensitive and does not take it well, or she will defend herself by saying she didn’t mean to be negative, but was just trying to be helpful!
anyway, i wanted to post here so i could hear if others thought i was totally over reacting, i mean i know i am a bit…but just wanted to know if i was totally interpreting her comments the wrong way and no one heard what i heard. so i feel better now, thanks!
Post # 11
@totheislnds: umm any color matches white
that’s what i thought!!! LOL.
Post # 12
When we first told my grandmother (Meme) that we are engaged. She couldn’t have been happier. Then the very next thing she said was ‘hun, throughout this whole process everyone you talk to “knows what a wedding is” and that wedding is never the wedding that you have in your head. Everyone is sure that their vision of a wedding is the only one that can be, and they are so very wrong. Stick to your guns and do it your way, no matter what they say.” Honestly that was the best advice that I have received my Meme is great. I have had to put my foot down to multiple people throughout the wedding process. One of my bridesmaids has been like yours and finally I flipped and said “This is our day, we would like it like this. When you and -said boy- get married I will do whatever you want, even if you want to make me wear pink.” And I HATE pink, so she knows that it is a big deal. We have also had to diplomatically tell him parents multiple times that we want it our way. I feel like it is just something you have to deal with when you plan a wedding. Sucks but I feel like it is sort of normal.
Post # 13
@peacegrl099: that is great advice! the thing is, i already know all this, LOL. i just messed by divulging too many details, so who can i really blame but myself! lesson learned…no discussing the small details and on the day, whatever shoes i am wearing or whatever flowers i hand my BMs, they will all be happy and so will i!