Post # 1
OK a little background here – I was married for 14 years to a man who was an atheist but raised in the Catholic Church and whose mother was from Spain. She was VERY unhappy that her son married out of the church and every time we visited she tried to convert me. I have nothing at all against being Catholic, however I am Presbyterian and quite happy with my church. So finally after years of her harping on me about convert convert convert I snapped and mentioned since she never went to confession and her husband had had a vasectomy that maybe they should convert to the Protestant church? Needless to say that did not go over well and I got much grief about it from her and my abusive ex-husband.
So we were divorced 6 years ago and lo and behold I fell in love with another non practicing Catholic (my Fiance is Filipino) but a devout Christian and we go to the Presbyterian church together. When we visited his mom the first time we went to a Filipino Cultural event at a Catholic Church Hall which did not bother me in the slightest. I met her Priest a lovely man who I was told would be marrying me if I were Catholic. The religion topic came up a few times but I thought it was ok.
So we are going to visit this weekend and I have a date to go wedding dress shopping with his Mom and Cousins on Saturday and he calls today to find out that instead of going wedding dress shopping we are going to mass Saturday Afternoon.
UMMMMM what??!! I do not mind attending Mass and know I am probably over reacting due to my previous Mother-In-Law but I am very disappointed. First of all there was some comments expressing sadness that I planned the wedding without my Mom and Mother-In-Law in the first place. Umm I am 42 years old, paying for it and really did not think you would care. So since we moved the wedding out 6 months decided to try and include them more and they both have made it more complicated with their opinions which I am mostly smiling and nodding about. So I suggest we go dress shopping if she likes – she is all excited, we set up a date and she cancels. And then it is to make me go to mass.
I am going to suck it up this time but just am terrified this will be another “you need to convert” and am trying to figure out how to nicely nip it in the bud. I do not want every visit to be around religion.
I know I am emotional about this but UGH!!!
Thanks for letting me vent!! I hope this was just a coincidence – I really do!
Post # 3
@unixfairy: You’re divorced, so my understanding is that you can’t marry in the Catholic church anyway. The only loophole I know of is if you get the first one annulled, which isn’t an easy feat.
Post # 4
If you want honest to goodness advice on nipping this in the bud… don’t go to mass with them. Tell her sorry, I’m going dress shopping that day I have an appointment. If you don’t want people to pressure you into their religion, you need to be very stern about what your religion is, and that your faith is strong. As long as you’re going to Catholic masses with her, she’s going to think you’re really interested in converting… why wouldn’t she?
I know you were probably SO fed up with everything by the time you made that vasectomy comment to your ex-mil… but I hope you and your Future Mother-In-Law can find a way to BOTH be more respectful than that of each other’s faith.
Stand strong woman! And let us know how dress shopping goes
Post # 5
@Moja Milosc: Oh my ex Mother-In-Law was a horrid woman who once drug me in her house by my ear (no kidding pinching it while dragging me along) because my former SIL accused me of saying something anti republican – which I had not. This was after we had been married 3 years and I was pregnant with her grandchild I kid you not. They almost boycotted the wedding and honestly did everything they could to split up my ex and myself. I am normally very respectful of everyone’s religion and cultural differences.
My mom blessed me out when I told her my fears and told me to stop living in my past which is good advice. Sometimes just difficult to not bring along baggage 🙂
Post # 6
I would sit your Future Mother-In-Law down and have a stern talk with her. Nip this in the bud now, before the wedding. YOu are both adults, and she needs to respect you as much as you need to respect her. Maybe give her a little insight as to how your previous marrige was, and you really don’t want a second showing, because you already know the ending
Post # 7
@Moja Milosc: I agree with you keeping your appointment, Let them go to mass. Stand strong, and stay true to your beleifs. I dated a man once, 2 years and his mom and grand mother were at me non-stop about me having to take chatecism (sp sorry) and become a catholic. I was like absolutely not. Luckily, I never got to that point with him as we split but it was kinda scary to be pressured like that.
Post # 8
So happy ending to this story and one bride to be admitting she is an overreacting IDIOT!
I did go to mass and there was no pressure on me or my Fiance who has converted to Presbyterianism and he did not even take communion. My Future Mother-In-Law sings in a Filipino choir and she just wanted us to go and hear her sing and mostly introduce us to all of her friends and show us off.
I was wrong- she is amazing and super sweet. We went dress shopping the next day to two places (she researched and made the appointments) and had a wonderful time.
I am very lucky and very thankful – and I am grateful that I have the hive where I can vent and be dramatic and get support – it really does help!!!